It has been a long time since I have had to write on deadline. If this were a job, I'd be fired by now. "Walther! Where's the Pinsky report?" "I'm working on it. But in the meantime, check out this web page about handlebar mustaches."
* Thank god this is for sale.
* I need an average amount of sleep. Average amount for babies.
* I'm not one of those writers who blames his readers when his don't laugh at my jokes. I put the blame squarely on where it belongs: God. That fucking asshole.
* If you stutter on tv, and say a curse word, at what point do the censors bleep you out? "F-u-u-u-u-u-u-u-dge! Gotcha!"
* A trailer for a war movie started with "Armed only with their courage..." These movie soldiers may be brave, but they're also incredibly stupid. Take a gun with you the next time you go to war, dumb ass.
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