Samuel Jackson's Upcoming Movie

The allure of Samuel Jackson's upcoming movie is the hope that, one day, we will be able to say, "Yeah, it was a good movie, but it's no Snakes on a Plane."

Good Luck, Michele!

My sis Michele is taking the bar today (her birthday) and tomorrow. Wish her luck.

Moving Soon

There's a 95% chance I'm moving in the beginning of September. My roommates and I live in a house that's falling apart, and we're all in places in our lives where we want to obtain the American dream of living in a place with a fresh coat of paint.

I'm browsing ads on craigslist for places in Arlington or Alexandria. A lot of the places have "special features" that are always mentioned off-handedly at the bottom of the letter. Like...

"If you'd like to talk about it...please drop me an e-mail and tell me a bit about yourself. Here are a few pics...not the best as I need a fisheye lens...but you get the idea. Thanks and best of luck to us all. Oh, I have a wolf hybrid. He's very mellow and stays in my bedroom in the basement for the most part...so, no other pets...unless they are in aquariums...sorry."

PROSPECTIVE RENTER: "I like the place a lot, but I'm very concerned about the wolf hybrid. Is he, um, aggressive?"
OWNER: "Oh, no. Not at all. He's very relaxed. I keep him securely in the basement most of the time. You'll barely know he's here. "
PROSPECTIVE RENTER: "Sounds good. Just curious, what is he a hybrid of?"
OWNER: "Most of his fur his gray, but his head and tail is white."
PROSPECTIVE RENTER: "Wait. So by hybrid you mean his fur is two different colors?"
OWNER: "Oh, yeah. He's 100% wolf."
PROSPECTIVE RENTER: "Lovely. I gotta go."

Then there's the 2BR apartment looking for 4 roommates. For those who have fond memories of living in a dorm room.

One of my favorites: Club Kemper. I can't even tell if this is a real post. How did their old roommate make it to graduate school in that house?

Neighborhood Cat

There's a friendly, grey cat that roams around the neighborhood during the day. She nestles up to everyone that walks by her, and a few times she (successfully) snuck into my house when I opened the door and made herself at home.

A few days ago, she was sitting on the sidewalk, looking at a mother and her two daughters who were a few feet away. The Mom was panicky and had her arms around her children. "Stay back! Don't go near it!"

The cat cocked her head. The Mom realized it would take a valiant effort to protect her daughters from the ferocious beast. "Shoot, cat! Shoo!"

No response. Now before I give the conclusion to this story, I have to say that I have no idea why the cat's presence triggered a neurotic reaction. Or why, if the cat was so threatening, she and her daughters didn't "think outside the box" and walk around the cat.

Perhaps this was her first encounter with a feline. It would explain why, when "Shoo!" didn't work, she stepped towards the cat, raised her arms like a bear, and yelled, "DOG!"

I was watching this from across the street. It took me a few seconds to laugh because first I had to process the thought, "Did she just try to scare a cat away by yelling 'dog'?" Then, after a moment's reflection, the sweet realization of "Oh yes she did."

Any cat that would actually be scared by the threat of an imaginary dog would have a peculiar intelligence: smart enough to understand human language, yet dumb enough to be tricked by a childish ploy. A cat that would be able to get her paws in a finger trap, but not be able to get them out.

Eventually, the cat gave up on them and walked away. But she made sure to wait several seconds so the Mom wouldn't think it was because she was scared of the "dog".

Today's Weather Report

"The Washington D.C. area is under a heat advisory until 8:00 p.m. today. Sensitive groups, such as the elderly and children, should remain indoors as much as possible. Temperatures will be in the upper 90s, near 100. Oh, screw it. It's going to be 100. I want some ice cream."


Does anyone reading the blog have experience communicating with animals? I'm having trouble communicating with two Jack Russell terriers that I walk. What's dog speak for, "100 DEGREES IS NOT OPTIMAL SQUIRREL-CHASING CONDITIONS, YOU LOONY MUTTS." Just wondering.

Futurama Back?!

Why wasn't this the lead story on the evening news? Seriously. The only downside is that new episodes won't air until 2008.

Weirdess Spam Ever

Addressed to "monkeypee@gmail.com" which is kind of close to my real email address but not really (monkey.on.keyboard).

I was too slippery for them to catch me now.
on the surface of the ocean. His wings were ragged bars of lead, but the
the sidewalk on our left there was black bramble growing, and you could tell
You'd have a falcon's short wings!

Kind of nice, actually.

Headlines

Nevada passes rules to make boxing safer
Rule #1: No boxing.

Trees could grow in Antarctica within century
Finally: hope for the environment. Who says the environment is in trouble now, Al Gore?

Iran Referred to Security Council
Watch out, Iran. Once the motion passes the Secondary Meeting Committee, the First Teritary Committee, and the Head Auxillary Minor Major Committee, the First Pre-Meeting Meeting Committee is going to have a field day on you.

Cyber Security Post Still Unfilled (after a year)
What? It takes less time to find someone to work the fry machine at McDonalds.

Yucky Week So Far

• Basement flooded Sun. morning. Spent a few hours calling people to get the messed cleaned up.
• Ordered a new monitor online. It came in yesterday! With a huge crack in it.
• Found a charge on my credit card for a service (EFax) that I thought I cancelled months ago. It's my fault. When I wrote, "I would like to cancel my service" I forgot to include the four exclamation points + threat of bodily harm at the end (see user agreement, Section 11: "But what if I really want to cancel? Seriously. I want to cancel. Please. For the love of God.").
• Diarrhea Dog. Who then put her paws on my shirt. Then rolled over for a belly rub on her poop-crusted belly. Oh, I'll get right on that, Maggie. Right after I carry the tray in your crate out the door like a waiter in The Worst Restaurant Ever.
  
• (minor) One would that it would be unnecessary to write two 500-word emails to my property in a still-ongoing attempt to convince her that when she calls a contractor to come over to the house, it would be a good idea to let us know, instead of expect the contractor to do it. Which he didn't.
  

Kenny Boy

Does anyone else think that Ken Lay was desperately stuffing his mouth with doughnuts, fried chicken, and molasses for the past three months?