I'm living in a house with a yard for the first time in years. It's a small yard, but enough for a few flowers.
I haven't made a garden before and don't know what to do. What are some spring flowers I can get that are easy to plant and take care of? What is the prep work I need to do? Do I need a Garden Weasel? I hope so. They look weaselly fun. Hey, weaselly is a real word. That's boomtastic. Damn. Right-click, Add to Dictionary. YES. Boomtastic.
February 27, 2007
Randon Pancake City Contest
First person to leave a comment for this post and has the ability to read directions wins!
The directions: Leave a random word or phrase--anything goes--as a comment. I'll make a cartoon inspired by your suggestion.
The directions: Leave a random word or phrase--anything goes--as a comment. I'll make a cartoon inspired by your suggestion.
No, Really
"Nerdcore hip hop, or geeksta rap, is a subgenre of hip hop music that is performed by nerds or geeks, and is characterized by themes and subject matter considered to be of general interest to nerds."
The above quote is both why I love and hate Wikipedia.
The above quote is both why I love and hate Wikipedia.
February 22, 2007
PCRN2~ Update
Check this post for the radio show link at 7:45 p.m. EST.
Update: Da link. Show stars at 8:00 p.m.
Update: Da link. Show stars at 8:00 p.m.
Ouch
Getting bit in the balls can really change one’s outlook on life.
Boomer, a stupid mutt that I walk, has been getting aggressive with me recently when his owner was in the house. He tore at my jacket and made a small rip in my jeans once. His owner brought over someone to work with him on Monday, and I came over to help them out.
The person his owner brought over, Diane I Don’t Know Shit About Dogs, didn’t have a good grip on the leash when she brought Boomer near me to desensitize him. He bit me on my ankle, thigh, and grazed my Voldemorts (You Know Where).
My ball sac quickly went to turtle mode, but it was too late at that point. Ouch.
The experience changed my outlook of my weekend. Up to that point, I had a great weekend:
- Friday: hung out with friends at a bar.
- Saturday: Spent time with my sisters and eat an amazing Iranian meal my Mom made for a dinner party.
- Sunday: Relaxed, read an interesting book (The Victorian Internet).
- Monday: Played with two Jack Russell’s that I adore, got bit in the balls.
- Friday: Didn’t get bit in the balls.
- Saturday: Didn’t get bit in the balls.
- Sunday: Still didn’t get bit in the balls.
- Monday: Got bit in the balls.
I’ve had trouble falling asleep this week. I still have a lot of fear and anger about the event. The physical pain was minor, but it was traumatic, and I’m still dealing with it. Also, my balls itch.
You know what’s the worst? The next day, someone at the dog care company I worked for who knew about the visit but not the details emailed me to see how it went. She asked, “How was the dog psychic?”
What? Dog psychic? Are you kidding me? The person wasn’t a dog trainer, but a dog psychic? I remembered a comment the owner made a few days ago about “the dog psychic coming by” this weekend, but I thought she was using a cutesy way to say “animal behaviorist,” not “incompetent loon”. My bad.
I do have some responsibility to ask a person’s qualifications before putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation. But is it that absurd to expect someone whose career is to work with dogs to master THE MOST BASIC RULE OF DOG TRAINING: don’t put someone, especially a stranger, in a situation where he or she can get bitten.
Boomer was lunging at me the whole time. You think her psychic powers would have tipped her off that the dog was in heat-seeking crotch mode.
More than anything, that’s what makes me angry about this situation. The dog was just being a dog, but the “professional” should have known better. On my side, I need to stop worrying about appearing rude or untrusting in situations that affect my health, whether it’s a dog trainer or a doctor.
February 20, 2007
How To Write Your Name on a Building with a Laser
And not get into trouble.
The latest project from the Graffiti Research Lab: a laser pointer synchronized with a projector that lets people write in real-time on any large, flat surface.
The latest project from the Graffiti Research Lab: a laser pointer synchronized with a projector that lets people write in real-time on any large, flat surface.
Column: The Mystical, Magical Slurpee Tour
I wrote some columns a few years ago that few of you have seen. They were on the old version of the site before I redesigned it.
(Entire redesign process: [log in to Blogger] “Oooh, new templates!” [click] “Hey, where are my columns?”
The weather forecast was wonderfully wrong today. Sixty-five degrees, sunny the whole day, and the supposed afternoon showers didn't show until nightfall. I rode my bike for an hour and a half on the local trails.
I love bike trails, but they invariably have boring names like "W&O Trail" or--when the park department wants to turn on the Shake n’ Bake--"C&O Trail."
Where is "The Trail Less Traveled"? "A Trail of Two Cities"? "T-Rail Owens?" I'm already vibrating my lips like a motorcycle when I turn corners. Silliness isn’t a problem. Reality is.
Then again, reality occasionally has its moments. After my bike ride, I was parched and went in 7-11 to buy a Slurpee. My experience, without exaggeration:
ME: "Hey, can I try the flavors? I don't know which one I want."
7-11 EMPLOYEE: "Breakfast?"
(Perhaps this is a good point to mention that I have a severe stutter and many of my conversations start with mutual confusion.)
ME: "Take two. Can I try the Slurpee flavors?"
7-11 EMPLOYEE: "Try the flavors?"
ME: "Yes!"
7-11 EMPLOYEE: [thought hard for a moment] "No?"
In my younger years, I would have left, disappointed. Not this time. One, for all I knew, he may have thought we were still talking about breakfast. Two, he made a fatal mistake. He left doubt in his voice, like a person who is asked, “Do you want me to not not punch you?” Time to repeat what I want until he caves in.
ME: "I want to try the flavors before I buy a Slurpee."
7-11 EMPLOYEE: “Um...”
ME: "I'd like to try the flavors before I buy a Slurpee."
7-11 EMPLOYEE: “Try...flavors?”
(His manager notices the commotion and comes over.)
MANAGER: "What's going on?"
7-11 EMPLOYEE (about to cry): "He wants to try the flavors."
The manager, used to serving food critics, got me a
They were both staring at me. These two were smarter than I thought. My original plan was to sample Dixie-cup sized Slurpee flavors until I was bloated, and then dash out of the store on my bike while those suckers foot the bill. But that was a trick no pony was going to pull on them.
At first, I tried to ignore them. I sipped the sour strawberry. Tangy and very promising. I advanced towards the root beer.
MANAGER: "You don't want that. It's frozen."
It didn't look more frozen than the other frozen Slurpees, but who was I to argue? I’m not an ice technician. I grabbed the handle for cherry.
MANAGER (and let me remind you that this is not made up): "That's cherry. Why do you want to try cherry?"
I turned around and gave my biggest fake smile. They both left. But her words made me think.
Perhaps his question was not accusatory but philosophical. Why did I want to try cherry? Why did I want to try any of the flavors? Why did I want to go bike riding, or eat Cheerios for breakfast, or scratch myself in CVS but refrain from doing so because of those damn 1984-style mirrors?
It tasted good. Is that enough of an answer? I feel almost sacrilegious saying this, but...could there be more to life than Slurpees?
I thought about this until I saw Blue Raspberry.
Pancake City Radio: 9:30 p.,m. EST, Thursday
Stop on by this Thursday, 2/22, and listen to Pancake City Radio from 9:00-11:00 p.,m. EST. I'll post the link a 1/2 hour before the broadcast. The music is set, and I'm going to try to put up a web page with a "Now Playing" list and record a few short comedy bits by Thursday.
The best description I can come up for the music is catchy, evocative tunes from mostly independent labels. Some of the artists: Andrew Bird, Arcade Fire, Beulah, Gnarls Barkley, Ladytron, Lampchop, M. Ward, and Over The Rhine.
I'd appreciate feedback on the audio quality, server timeouts, and other technical matters. For now, I'll be broadcasting from my computer with a limits of five listeners at a time. If you like this type of music, let me know what times and days you want the station to be on. You will likely get your wish, as you will likely be 20% of the audience.
The best description I can come up for the music is catchy, evocative tunes from mostly independent labels. Some of the artists: Andrew Bird, Arcade Fire, Beulah, Gnarls Barkley, Ladytron, Lampchop, M. Ward, and Over The Rhine.
I'd appreciate feedback on the audio quality, server timeouts, and other technical matters. For now, I'll be broadcasting from my computer with a limits of five listeners at a time. If you like this type of music, let me know what times and days you want the station to be on. You will likely get your wish, as you will likely be 20% of the audience.
February 15, 2007
Very Precious
Barry White teams up with Gollum and Smeagol.
This Original Gansta/Gandalf mash-up is pretty good too. (Explicit language. Both links from BoingBoing).
This Original Gansta/Gandalf mash-up is pretty good too. (Explicit language. Both links from BoingBoing).
February 14, 2007
I Figured Out How To Fix Campaign Financing
Send me the Nobel Peace Prize. Or, if I'm over-reaching, a MacArthur grant. Fine. Chocolate medallion wrapped in gold foil. Wrapped in a Ziploc bag?
I'll tell you what, humanity. You give me a bag of M&Ms now, and after my idea revolutionizes Presidential campaigns in America, I'll pick up the rest of my gratitude.
Nod to reality: actually, I don't feel like acknowledging reality. WHAT IS ABOUT TO FOLLOW IS THE MOST AMAZING IDEA IN THE WORLD.
Currently, candidates for federal office have two options for funding their campaigns: accept federal money but be limited to how much money one can raise, or reject federal money but be able to raise and spend as much money as one wants.
Many candidates in both the primaries and general election forgo federal funding because the spending restrictions would put them at a crippling disadvantage. Both President Bush and Senator Kerry turned down federal funding in the primary season because of this.
My opinion is that the excess of money in the campaign system creates an unlevel playing field to any candidate with a significant amount of money more than his or her opponents. The advertising buying power and media coverage that money brings drowns out the voices of lesser-funded candidates and prevents most Americans from being able to give them fair consideration.
One option is to increase the amount of federal matching funds given to candidates. Considering how great an effect a President can have on America's future, and how we should do everything possible to ensure that the best candidates are nominated and have a chance to win, this isn't a bad solution.
If it costs $200 million dollars for voters to get to choose from 6 good candidates instead of 2, isn't that worth it, at least for the Presidential election?
There is a better solution though. Here is my big idea. It's a game theory approach to the issue. Instead of offering each candidate federal funding individually, we pool the money together, and if one candidate decides to opt out of federal funding, that money is split among the other candidates.
Let's say Candidates A and B are offered $125 million each for their election campaign. Candidate A says, "I could raise $200 million on my own. I'm going to pass on federal funds." But then Candidate B will get his $125 million, giving him a total of $250 million if he decides to accept federal funding, which Candidate B probably will do now.
So what is Candidate A going to go? Accept federal money. Not for his gain, but because if he doesn't, it will put him in a worse situation than his opponent: having to spend months of his time raising $250 million or more against his opponent who would have all that money without having to spend the time and resources to get it.
This works for primaries too, where I think funding plays the biggest role. Let's say there are 6 Democratic nominees that meet the eligibility requirements for federal funding. The pool of money is $120 million, or $20 million for each candidate.
Senator Obama and Senator Clinton have already passed on federal funding for the primaries. Let's say they pass because they can earn $50 million on their own. But by them forgoing federal funds, the other 4 candidates now get $10 million more, from $20 million to $30 million.
Still a disadvantage, but less of one. The fewer candidates that accept federal funding, the more it benefits other candidates to accept it. In essence, any candidate who forgoes funds is automatically giving all of his opponents free money, narrowing the funding gap among them and administering an extra penalty for not accepting public financing.
The system becomes self-balancing and fair, provided some thought is placed into the funding amounts. The current flaws in our federal financing system is only part of the problem money plays in politics, but I also think it is one of the easiest parts to fix.
I'll tell you what, humanity. You give me a bag of M&Ms now, and after my idea revolutionizes Presidential campaigns in America, I'll pick up the rest of my gratitude.
Nod to reality: actually, I don't feel like acknowledging reality. WHAT IS ABOUT TO FOLLOW IS THE MOST AMAZING IDEA IN THE WORLD.
Currently, candidates for federal office have two options for funding their campaigns: accept federal money but be limited to how much money one can raise, or reject federal money but be able to raise and spend as much money as one wants.
Many candidates in both the primaries and general election forgo federal funding because the spending restrictions would put them at a crippling disadvantage. Both President Bush and Senator Kerry turned down federal funding in the primary season because of this.
My opinion is that the excess of money in the campaign system creates an unlevel playing field to any candidate with a significant amount of money more than his or her opponents. The advertising buying power and media coverage that money brings drowns out the voices of lesser-funded candidates and prevents most Americans from being able to give them fair consideration.
One option is to increase the amount of federal matching funds given to candidates. Considering how great an effect a President can have on America's future, and how we should do everything possible to ensure that the best candidates are nominated and have a chance to win, this isn't a bad solution.
If it costs $200 million dollars for voters to get to choose from 6 good candidates instead of 2, isn't that worth it, at least for the Presidential election?
There is a better solution though. Here is my big idea. It's a game theory approach to the issue. Instead of offering each candidate federal funding individually, we pool the money together, and if one candidate decides to opt out of federal funding, that money is split among the other candidates.
Let's say Candidates A and B are offered $125 million each for their election campaign. Candidate A says, "I could raise $200 million on my own. I'm going to pass on federal funds." But then Candidate B will get his $125 million, giving him a total of $250 million if he decides to accept federal funding, which Candidate B probably will do now.
So what is Candidate A going to go? Accept federal money. Not for his gain, but because if he doesn't, it will put him in a worse situation than his opponent: having to spend months of his time raising $250 million or more against his opponent who would have all that money without having to spend the time and resources to get it.
This works for primaries too, where I think funding plays the biggest role. Let's say there are 6 Democratic nominees that meet the eligibility requirements for federal funding. The pool of money is $120 million, or $20 million for each candidate.
Senator Obama and Senator Clinton have already passed on federal funding for the primaries. Let's say they pass because they can earn $50 million on their own. But by them forgoing federal funds, the other 4 candidates now get $10 million more, from $20 million to $30 million.
Still a disadvantage, but less of one. The fewer candidates that accept federal funding, the more it benefits other candidates to accept it. In essence, any candidate who forgoes funds is automatically giving all of his opponents free money, narrowing the funding gap among them and administering an extra penalty for not accepting public financing.
The system becomes self-balancing and fair, provided some thought is placed into the funding amounts. The current flaws in our federal financing system is only part of the problem money plays in politics, but I also think it is one of the easiest parts to fix.
February 13, 2007
How Powerful is a Penny?
This isn't the beginning of a financial advice column on how to scrimp and save your way to being a millionaire. This is the beginning of a column, and possibly on-going series, on how to annoy your roommate with pennies.
When I got home, I saw some pennies on my drawer. I dislike pennies. They're like herpes: never around when you need them, and always there when you don't. Okay, that's nothing like herpes. There's a cure for herpes. But there's no cure for pennies.
There's no cure for herp--
Shut up. I read it on Wikipedia. Anyway, I saw the spare change and had a though that has occurred to many, if not most, of my readers: how can I use these to annoy my roommate?
I decided to see how many pennies I would have to throw at her door before she opened it to investigate the sound. My hypothesis is that it would take three pennies thrown intervals of 10-15 seconds before she opened the door and screamed at me, assuming I didn't run into my room and pretend to be sleeping when I saw her door crack opened.
The equipment was simple: me, pennies. The procedure was simple as well: Throw penny. Wait. Giggle. Repeat.
Result: It took four pennies. On the third penny, I knew I was close, because I heard her exclaim, "What is that?" The fourth penny did the trick. As a bonus, I no longer had four pennies.
Conclusion: There were several factors that contributed to my roommate opening her door after four pennies. One, pennies hitting a door make a loud and unnatural sound. Two, my roommate is smart and curious, making her disposed to investigate unusual sounds. Three, my roommate was unfortunately awake pre-experiment, shortening the length of this innovative excursion into the realm of psychology.
In case there are any science goobers out there, I know this isn't a real experiment. It can't be repeated. The best I can do is throw pennies at my other roommate's door, but she lives around the corner and down a long hall. That's why experiment #2 will measure the correlation between scream volume and #of Cheez-whip topped pennies on well-trained rats.
When I got home, I saw some pennies on my drawer. I dislike pennies. They're like herpes: never around when you need them, and always there when you don't. Okay, that's nothing like herpes. There's a cure for herpes. But there's no cure for pennies.
There's no cure for herp--
Shut up. I read it on Wikipedia. Anyway, I saw the spare change and had a though that has occurred to many, if not most, of my readers: how can I use these to annoy my roommate?
I decided to see how many pennies I would have to throw at her door before she opened it to investigate the sound. My hypothesis is that it would take three pennies thrown intervals of 10-15 seconds before she opened the door and screamed at me, assuming I didn't run into my room and pretend to be sleeping when I saw her door crack opened.
The equipment was simple: me, pennies. The procedure was simple as well: Throw penny. Wait. Giggle. Repeat.
Result: It took four pennies. On the third penny, I knew I was close, because I heard her exclaim, "What is that?" The fourth penny did the trick. As a bonus, I no longer had four pennies.
Conclusion: There were several factors that contributed to my roommate opening her door after four pennies. One, pennies hitting a door make a loud and unnatural sound. Two, my roommate is smart and curious, making her disposed to investigate unusual sounds. Three, my roommate was unfortunately awake pre-experiment, shortening the length of this innovative excursion into the realm of psychology.
In case there are any science goobers out there, I know this isn't a real experiment. It can't be repeated. The best I can do is throw pennies at my other roommate's door, but she lives around the corner and down a long hall. That's why experiment #2 will measure the correlation between scream volume and #of Cheez-whip topped pennies on well-trained rats.
February 12, 2007
Pancake City Radio Test Info
Not sure anyone will see this in time, but PCRX will be running from 8-11 P.M. EST. Radio link.
Windows Media Player has trouble opening the link, try this one: WMP link.
The super-tentative program guide:
8-9: Nerd Orchestra
9-10: Randomly downloaded SxSW performers
10-11: Thrills and Chills
Please add "ish" after all times.
The format is 99% music, most of it from independent labels, although if I can get my roommate Meghan to listen to the station, I'm going to play some Dave Matthews just for her. (She has a poster of him behind hidden behind her Belle and Sebastian poster). Five listeners max for now. I'm broadcasting off my computer so that's all I can handle. Listen for as long as you want.
If you tune in, please let me know how the sound quality was, if you had any problems logging on, and if so, around what time the problem was. I will be running more tests in the next few weeks as I work on technical issues and add more features.
If you are interested in helping me test future broadcasts out, please email me at monkey.on.keyboard(AT)gmail.com. It would be appreciated.
Windows Media Player has trouble opening the link, try this one: WMP link.
The super-tentative program guide:
8-9: Nerd Orchestra
9-10: Randomly downloaded SxSW performers
10-11: Thrills and Chills
Please add "ish" after all times.
The format is 99% music, most of it from independent labels, although if I can get my roommate Meghan to listen to the station, I'm going to play some Dave Matthews just for her. (She has a poster of him behind hidden behind her Belle and Sebastian poster). Five listeners max for now. I'm broadcasting off my computer so that's all I can handle. Listen for as long as you want.
If you tune in, please let me know how the sound quality was, if you had any problems logging on, and if so, around what time the problem was. I will be running more tests in the next few weeks as I work on technical issues and add more features.
If you are interested in helping me test future broadcasts out, please email me at monkey.on.keyboard(AT)gmail.com. It would be appreciated.
I Am the World's Most Healthiest Man
Study: Napping Regularly Fights Heart Disease
My favorite quote: "Taking a nap could turn out to be an important weapon in the fight against coronary mortality."
Yes. And I will be your General.
The only better scientific news today would be a study titled, "The New Weapon Against Cancer: Potato Chips" with a full-page, color graph correlating the effectiveness of the potato chips' cancer fighting ability with the amount of artificial bacon flavoring on the chip.
I love it when science supports my lazy lifestyle. We all welcome scientific evidence that effectively says, "Keep doing what you've been doing", but think about how much more welcome that evidence is for lazy people. I and other members of the lazy community aren't going to change our eating, sleeping, or exercise habits, no matter how much longer the changes would let us live. We're lazy. That's what we do. Well, don't do.
Our only hope to reach a healthier lifestyle is to have scientists ("Glory be to them!") is to redefine the slothful behavior that we've been practicing for most of our lives.
I don't want to end this post with something along the lines of, "I'd write more, but I'd have to take a nap." It is so predictable that it approaches cliche, and I've overused it already. The thing is, I really am going to take a nap, and that really is why I'm not going to write more. Truth is a bitch when it doesn't sound plausible.
That will be the subject of one of my next posts.
My favorite quote: "Taking a nap could turn out to be an important weapon in the fight against coronary mortality."
Yes. And I will be your General.
The only better scientific news today would be a study titled, "The New Weapon Against Cancer: Potato Chips" with a full-page, color graph correlating the effectiveness of the potato chips' cancer fighting ability with the amount of artificial bacon flavoring on the chip.
I love it when science supports my lazy lifestyle. We all welcome scientific evidence that effectively says, "Keep doing what you've been doing", but think about how much more welcome that evidence is for lazy people. I and other members of the lazy community aren't going to change our eating, sleeping, or exercise habits, no matter how much longer the changes would let us live. We're lazy. That's what we do. Well, don't do.
Our only hope to reach a healthier lifestyle is to have scientists ("Glory be to them!") is to redefine the slothful behavior that we've been practicing for most of our lives.
I don't want to end this post with something along the lines of, "I'd write more, but I'd have to take a nap." It is so predictable that it approaches cliche, and I've overused it already. The thing is, I really am going to take a nap, and that really is why I'm not going to write more. Truth is a bitch when it doesn't sound plausible.
That will be the subject of one of my next posts.
February 11, 2007
February 10, 2007
Changing Web Hosting Services
FYI: I'm changing my web hosting service, so the site may be down for a few days. Which means you probably won't be able to read this message.
Waking Up
My sleeping pattern, by most definitions, is irregular. It developed that way years ago after I got laid off from a full-time job and fell apart without the daily structure.
I’ve become more aware of the oddity of my sleep habits after living with my roommate, Meghan, for a few months. I find her schedule absolutely loony. She’ll wake up
I know this because once I heard her go into the bathroom to take a shower at
We talk about our inverse sleeping habits occasionally. Once, she told me she heard my alarm go off at
"
She saw I was confused. "
I tell you all this to give you the proper context for what I am about to say: I woke up so late today I was angry at myself.
Even when I turn off my alarm clock and sleep in, my not-quite-natural biological clock will wake me around
I felt a mix of shock and confusion that Rip Van Winkle must have felt when he stretched his arms, sat up, and experienced what few humans in the world have: his beard tickling his penis.
Sign #1 you slept for too long: you go into denial when you looked at your alarm clock.
I checked my cell phone clock for confirmation. I still wasn’t convinced, so I frantically shoved the blinds away from the window. A faint orange glow was in the horizon, the beams of light fading unto dark blue and then darkness.
Wow. Over 13 hours. Seven hours left in the day, if that. Time to eat brunchnner, do four loads of laundry in half-an-hour, clean my room in five minutes, and then construct a time machine so I can go back in time and slap myself today at 1
What went on for the next few hours was a kind of reverse "bullet time" where I was infused with a fervent energy and able to do three times what I can normally do in an hour. I did the same amount of work in three hours today than I did for most of yesterday.
If I hadn't slept for so long, I probably would have. I have almost no resistance to naps. Naps are like crack for me, aside from the fact that they have the exact opposite effect of crack. I’ve said this to myself many times before, and I sadly suspect I will again: I really need to do something between naps and crack. Like watch a movie while doing push-ups, or meditate as I play Hungry Hungry Hippos.
If you see another half-dozen posts by the end of today, you'll know I'm still being active. Otherwise, I'll write a half-dozen when I wake up...tomorrow?
February 01, 2007
SuperBowl XXXLVIIT'@ I Have No Clue
I have had a few of my friends remark, unprompted, how it's neat that both of the head coaches in the Super Bowl are black. It it neat. If you are not a sports fan, the significance is that no African-American coach has made it to the Superbowl before. Until the past ten years or so, few NFL team owners have been willing to hire black head coaches.
Now, whoever wins, one of them will make history and be the first black head coach to win a Super Bowl...unless the Man fixes the game so it's a tie. Which I think would be really funny.
MADDEN: "Manning steps back, throws, and...the ball is hovering in mid-air?"
ESIASON: "Our producer is telling us that a very strong wind current in the stadium."
MADDEN: "But it's a domed stadium."
[There is a short pause. The stadium dome explodes.]
ESIASON: "The football has now risen and exited the stadium"
MADDEN: "This has got to be the strangest thing I've ever seen at a football game. Get these guys another ball. Let's play."
ESIASON: "A referee has gone to the ball cart to get a new ball, and...it's hard to make out, but it appears that someone has replaced the entire car of footballs with bunny rabbits."
MADDEN: "There has got to be another football in this stadium."
ESIASON: "I'm sure there is. The players are standing around, understandably confused. I tell you, John, I--"
MADDEN: "Hold on. The head referee is trotting out to the field. He has found another ball...DEAR GOD! A 30-ft wide sinkhole has opened up directly under the referee."
ESIASON: "I tell you John, I was expecting razzle-dazzle, but not this type of razzle-dazzle."
ESIASON: , especially Understandable when team owners only began seriously considering been willing to hire Although it's too By the end of this Superbowl, one of the two coaches will be the first
Now, whoever wins, one of them will make history and be the first black head coach to win a Super Bowl...unless the Man fixes the game so it's a tie. Which I think would be really funny.
MADDEN: "Manning steps back, throws, and...the ball is hovering in mid-air?"
ESIASON: "Our producer is telling us that a very strong wind current in the stadium."
MADDEN: "But it's a domed stadium."
[There is a short pause. The stadium dome explodes.]
ESIASON: "The football has now risen and exited the stadium"
MADDEN: "This has got to be the strangest thing I've ever seen at a football game. Get these guys another ball. Let's play."
ESIASON: "A referee has gone to the ball cart to get a new ball, and...it's hard to make out, but it appears that someone has replaced the entire car of footballs with bunny rabbits."
MADDEN: "There has got to be another football in this stadium."
ESIASON: "I'm sure there is. The players are standing around, understandably confused. I tell you, John, I--"
MADDEN: "Hold on. The head referee is trotting out to the field. He has found another ball...DEAR GOD! A 30-ft wide sinkhole has opened up directly under the referee."
ESIASON: "I tell you John, I was expecting razzle-dazzle, but not this type of razzle-dazzle."
ESIASON: , especially Understandable when team owners only began seriously considering been willing to hire Although it's too By the end of this Superbowl, one of the two coaches will be the first
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