Free $450 Dollars

No, really.

First off: I TAKE ABSOLUTELY NO RESPONSIBILITY FOR ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS IF YOU DECIDE TO DO THIS.

There might be a catch I'm missing. The company may go bankrupt in a week and take everyone's money. There is no such thing as a free lunch. Etc, etc, etc.

I did transfer about $1,600 to two sportsbetting sites though. I do a lot of dumb things though, so that should be more of a deterrant.

Here are the details.

Essentially, Mansion, a sportsbook site, is offering to match a $1,000 bet for anyone who places a bet on the Steelers in the Steelers/Dolphins Week 1 NFL game. You bet $1,100 ($1,000 bet + $100 fee). The Steelers win by more than the spread (5 points), you get $1,000. If they lose or win by the spread or less, they refund you the $1,100.

The way you guarantee winning something is by placing a bet on the Dolphins on another sportsbook site for about half that amount. So whatever happens, you win some money.

I was very hesitant to post this because while it looks legit, you can never tell with these things, and I would feel horrible if someone lost a lot of money because of this (it would take a while for me to feel horrible for you though because I would be feeling very horrible myself). But we're all adults and capable of making our own decisions and taking responsibility for them.

Scientists Offer Proof of 'Ether'

Oops! Typo. Scientists Offer Proof of 'Dark Matter' Even for a lay person, I'm unqualified to judge the probability that dark matter exists. It seems though that there are some similarities between the theory of dark matter and the theory of luminiferous ether, which was created in the late 19th century to patch up holes in the understanding at the time of how light works.

We know that there is a flaw with the current theory of the universe based on what we can observe. So either there is a flaw in the current theory, or there is a significant amount of matter out there that we cannot observe.

Well, both options could be true. And that would really suck. If I were a scientist and found out that not only is our theory of the universe fundamentally flawed, but there's a big chunk of the universe we can't even hope to see as well, I'd call it quits. "The Universe is made up of cotton candy. I'll be in Bermuda."

At the very least, the International Council of Science, or whatever the governing body that doesn't appear as the first link on Yahoo is, should change the name from "dark matter" to "we don't have a fucking clue." In the name of scientific accuracy, of course.

I'm Afraid To Do the Junior Jumble

It's called "The Jumble" now, but let's not fool ourselves. It's still the Junior Jumble. Right below the crossword puzzle. A mentally-challenged siren calling to me. "I'm easy! Come on. Pick up a crayon."

My ego holds me back. What if we can't finish it? "Of course we can finish it. We can complete a solid 25, 30% of the crossword puzzle now. Mostly without Google."

What if it takes more than 2 minutes? "Hey, remember what we said about comparing ourselves to others? Anyway, it won't. It's the Jumble. Sometimes they don't even bother to scramble the words. It's like, "You sit on this: CAHIR."

We're going to bumble.
"We won't bumble the Jumble."

I wonder if this is how my Dad thought about my Nintendo twenty years ago.

We're going to embarass ourselves.
"Come on, it's only two butons."

Animator vs. Animator

One of the most creative flash animations I've seen in a while (link from BoingBoing).

Dude, He Was Joking

From the WP "Snakes on a Plane" online chat:

Pleasantville, Va.: Aren't you concerned that our impressionable youth might get the wrong idea and think it's OK to let snakes loose on a flight? Must we relive The Money Train again? Who will think of the children?

Flex Alexander: Dude, it's a movie.

Anyone see the movie yet? I suspect it's best viewed with a large group of people. And while drunk.

Very drunk.

A Completely Untrue, Completely Weird Post That Will Only Be Somewhat Funny To People Who Play Quite a Bit of Poker

Last night, before the final table of the PS $215, Lee Jones dealt me Rules of the Game and a photo of Mike Sexton massaging his left nipple. I got busted by an Internet pro with severe combined immunodeficiency who had to roll to the kitchen in a rush before the toaster oven burned his Hot Pocket, so HE LET HIS DOG PLAY 72o. HOW THE GODDAM HELL DOES A DOG FLOP A STRAIGHT WITH 72o?!!! And then afterwards the dog has the audacity to paw, "Well, they were suited." NO THEY WEREN'T, YOU COLOR-BLIND BITCH.

Fuck Lee Jones! :)

:) :) :) ;) :0 :( >:(

^^^^^^^^^^^^^
DEAR EVERYONE UNDER 21. THESE ARE SMILEY FACES (AND FROWNY FACES). THEY USED TO EXIST BEFORE AIM HAD SMILEY GRAPHICS (AND FROWNY GRAPHICS). IN 1998, WE LIVED LIKE BARBARIANS. SO STOP WHINING WHNE YOUR EMAIL TAKES 15 MINUTES TO REACH YOUR FRIEND, WHO PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN LIKE YOU BECAUSE YOU LIVE IN A BUBBLE, AND YOUR BUBBLE DOESN'T HAVE WIRELESS.

CVS Is Turning Into My Mom

Yesterday, I wanted a snack, a small treat to myself for the end of a long an arduous day. I bought a can of Arizona Ice Tea and a bag, or perhaps two, or Hershey Kisses. Do you know what coupon the CVS gave me? $1.50 a purchase of vitamins.

Listen, CVS. I haven't bought a bottle of vitamins in over a year, and you know it. The only vitamin I need is Vitamin D--Deliciousness. So lay off my back and start spitting out the 1/2 off coupons for the Recess Pieces cups. Yes, I haven't attended recess in 18 years, but that's no reason why I should stop getting the pieces.

Sad vs. Absurd

Kitten who helped nab phony vet is killed by car

Well, at least the vet didn't kill her.

So That's Why We Call It Montana

Montaña is Spanish for "mountain".

...

I would have paid a pretty penny for it. Or two ugly pennies.

Wolf Turned Into Dog

Still browsing craigslist for potential rooms. Nothing too interesting since my last post, although I noticed that the hybrid-wolf guy now has a dog. I'm half-tempted to see the house, just so I can meet the pet and have this conversation:

ME: "Your dog looks different from most dogs. This is going to sound weird, but is there any way that he is half-wolf?"
RENTER: "Yes! That's amazing. How did you know?
ME: "I have a special connection with 'dogs'."
RENTER: "Why did you make the air quote sign when you said 'dogs'?"
ME: "I'M ON TO YOU, WOLF BOY!"

My, How Things Change

I was looking at my draft posts, the forgotten children of Pancake City. This one is from over a year ago:

"Sorry for the lack of posts the past few weeks. The slow pace will probably continue for a few weeks. I'm working on a freelance project plus doing a lot of dog walking."


A little depressing, no?