I'm going on vacation to Europe for a few weeks. It is highly unlikely I will be updating the blog during the trip, unless something incredibly amazing happens, like a leprechaun kicks me in the nuts.
I never tried it out, but supposedly I have an RSS feed. So now you can get a lack of updates automatically, instead of checking in every other week. The power of technology.
September 29, 2005
September 27, 2005
Random Thoughts
* The tag line for PG-13 movies is "Some material may be inappropriate for children under 13." There should be an enhanced version of PG-13, like "Some material will be inappropriate for children under 13". And it should be called PG-13-Mutha-Fucka.
* Almost every preview for a romance shows the entire plot in the trailer: awkward meeting between man and woman, confidential chat with sassy girlfriend, whirlwind courtship, cue the music, the big kiss. It's like a friend who reads a crappy 400-page book and then tells you it sucks in 30 seconds. Thanks, romantic movie trailers!
* I got a spam email that started, "This is your official notification from Shazam Inc Bank that the service(s) listed below will be deactivated and deleted if not renewed immediately." Do you know what this means?
1: There exists a bank called "Shazam Inc."
2: Evidentially, "Shazam Bank" is so popular that it's profitable for spammers to spoof the bank's web site.
I like Chevy Chase Bank, but if Shazam Bank ever sends me a mailing, we're going to appear in a romantic movie trailer together.
* Almost every preview for a romance shows the entire plot in the trailer: awkward meeting between man and woman, confidential chat with sassy girlfriend, whirlwind courtship, cue the music, the big kiss. It's like a friend who reads a crappy 400-page book and then tells you it sucks in 30 seconds. Thanks, romantic movie trailers!
* I got a spam email that started, "This is your official notification from Shazam Inc Bank that the service(s) listed below will be deactivated and deleted if not renewed immediately." Do you know what this means?
1: There exists a bank called "Shazam Inc."
2: Evidentially, "Shazam Bank" is so popular that it's profitable for spammers to spoof the bank's web site.
I like Chevy Chase Bank, but if Shazam Bank ever sends me a mailing, we're going to appear in a romantic movie trailer together.
September 20, 2005
The 'Skins
I'm not sure what's worse: seeing the Redskins suck, or hearing that they made a miraculous comeback late in the 4th quarter against Dallas RIGHT AFTER I TURNED OFF THE TV.
In spite of the fact that they are now 2-0, I think the Skins are marginally better this year than last. Their defense is still great, and their quarterback-deficient offense is still tepid.
Is there a rule saying you can't replace the quarterback with another running back? Or have a decoy mannequin running back that the real running back could toss to the side to elude his pursuers? I don't think there's enough out-of-the-box thinking in football. Instead of a left tackle, right tackle, left wide receiver, right wide receiver, why not just have 11 running backs? Except one of the running backs would be Patrick Ramsey in a fat suit, and he would throw a bomb to the receiver (in another fat suit) when the defense would least expect it. Which would be every down, because that's fucking crazy.
Other suggestions for Joe Gibbs: start a new quarterback every quarter. Ramsey in the first, Brunell in the second, and the new guy in the third. In the 4th quarter, start a pregnant woman. The opposing players will feel sorry for her and won't tackle her. Until she starts shooting footballs out of her vagina. Then they will run. Because it stops being sexy once you move past ping-pong ball.
In spite of the fact that they are now 2-0, I think the Skins are marginally better this year than last. Their defense is still great, and their quarterback-deficient offense is still tepid.
Is there a rule saying you can't replace the quarterback with another running back? Or have a decoy mannequin running back that the real running back could toss to the side to elude his pursuers? I don't think there's enough out-of-the-box thinking in football. Instead of a left tackle, right tackle, left wide receiver, right wide receiver, why not just have 11 running backs? Except one of the running backs would be Patrick Ramsey in a fat suit, and he would throw a bomb to the receiver (in another fat suit) when the defense would least expect it. Which would be every down, because that's fucking crazy.
Other suggestions for Joe Gibbs: start a new quarterback every quarter. Ramsey in the first, Brunell in the second, and the new guy in the third. In the 4th quarter, start a pregnant woman. The opposing players will feel sorry for her and won't tackle her. Until she starts shooting footballs out of her vagina. Then they will run. Because it stops being sexy once you move past ping-pong ball.
September 15, 2005
No, the Photo Isn't Doctored
I first saw this photo of President Bush writing a note to Condoleezza Rice on a liberal blog, and thought someone was making a silly joke. Then I realized Reuters took it.
What I like best about this photo is that he isn't sure that he needs to go to the bathroom. "Do I need a bathroom break? I'm not sure. Better ask Condi."
Not that I'm making fun. Sometimes I don't know if I need to go to the bathroom. The older I get, the more often I say "Let's give it a shot." The tail end of my GI tract pays out less often than a slot machine. I know what it's like to be president.
The president's writing style is interesting too. It's like his caps lock key keeps getting switched on and off. Maybe the case switching is actually a secret code, e.g. "bathroom" means "boring meeting / let's go to video arcade" and "BATHROOM" means "give Kofi a wedgie".
What I like best about this photo is that he isn't sure that he needs to go to the bathroom. "Do I need a bathroom break? I'm not sure. Better ask Condi."
Not that I'm making fun. Sometimes I don't know if I need to go to the bathroom. The older I get, the more often I say "Let's give it a shot." The tail end of my GI tract pays out less often than a slot machine. I know what it's like to be president.
The president's writing style is interesting too. It's like his caps lock key keeps getting switched on and off. Maybe the case switching is actually a secret code, e.g. "bathroom" means "boring meeting / let's go to video arcade" and "BATHROOM" means "give Kofi a wedgie".
September 09, 2005
Just Say No
I was fooling around with a computer game called Neverwinter Nights for a few weeks. Every now and then, your character in the game yells, "NO QUARTER!" At first, I thought he was a jerk who didn't like homeless people, but it turns out the saying is his battle cry.
I heard "NO QUARTER!" so often that a version of the phrase pops in my head everytime I see the word no. Leaving the library: "NO EXIIIIT!" Seeing someone walk shirtless into a McDonalds: "NO SERVIIICE!" In my time-travel daydreams of the 1700s: "NO PANTALOOOONS!"
I heard "NO QUARTER!" so often that a version of the phrase pops in my head everytime I see the word no. Leaving the library: "NO EXIIIIT!" Seeing someone walk shirtless into a McDonalds: "NO SERVIIICE!" In my time-travel daydreams of the 1700s: "NO PANTALOOOONS!"
September 06, 2005
Michael Brown
One of the side stories about the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina is that the incompetence of FEMA director Michael Brown is so gross that it may actually result in President Bush--get this--actually firing someone.
I will actually feel sorry for Michael Brown if he gets fired by Bush. What's he going to tell his children? Nobody gets fired in the Bush administration. If Bush were the manager in Friday, Ice Cube would still have a job. Heck, he would have been promoted. George Tenet completely bungles the intelligence on Iraq's WMDs. Fired? Nope. Medal of Freedom.
Paul Bremer, the former top American administrator of Iraq, disbands the Iraqi army, sending thousands of young, angry, unemployed men out into the populace. Wonder what they're doing now. I'll tell you what they're not doing: winning the Medal of Freedom. You want to know how Condoleeza Rice got promoted to Secretary of State? Took a dump on Cheney's desk.
To the President, firing someone is admitting a mistake, namely hiring the person in first place. And, the theory goes, provides an opportunity for your political enemies to attack you. Regardless, I hope either the President or Congress realizes they made a mistake by underfunding disaster management over the past several years and takes steps to remedy the problem.
I will actually feel sorry for Michael Brown if he gets fired by Bush. What's he going to tell his children? Nobody gets fired in the Bush administration. If Bush were the manager in Friday, Ice Cube would still have a job. Heck, he would have been promoted. George Tenet completely bungles the intelligence on Iraq's WMDs. Fired? Nope. Medal of Freedom.
Paul Bremer, the former top American administrator of Iraq, disbands the Iraqi army, sending thousands of young, angry, unemployed men out into the populace. Wonder what they're doing now. I'll tell you what they're not doing: winning the Medal of Freedom. You want to know how Condoleeza Rice got promoted to Secretary of State? Took a dump on Cheney's desk.
To the President, firing someone is admitting a mistake, namely hiring the person in first place. And, the theory goes, provides an opportunity for your political enemies to attack you. Regardless, I hope either the President or Congress realizes they made a mistake by underfunding disaster management over the past several years and takes steps to remedy the problem.
Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
I'll probably get back to posting more often soon. In the meantime, visit the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
September 02, 2005
...
A car behind me honked as I was driving up a steep hill. Nice try, buddy. If you think I'm accelerating to 15 mph with these gas prices, you're crazy!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)