Long John Ashcroft Harpoons Greenpeace, Trains Parrot To Say 'First Amendment Sucks. Braack!' "

"Passed 131 years ago, Code 18, Statute 2779 was written to prevent organizations such as boarding houses from “sailor mongering” — which involved boarding ships before they had moorage, often using alcohol or prostitutes to lure the crewmen ashore, leaving the vessel unattended."

That's the law he's using to prosecute Greenpeace. You know, maybe if Greenpeace ditched the poorly-lettered signs and actually used booze and hookers, they'd have more success. Story here.

WTF?

Pop quiz! Which of these methods is still a legal way to execute people in Utah?

a) If she floats, burn her.
b) Giving them the evil eye until they hang themselves in shame.
c) This.

What's next, "Carnegie Launches New Dirigible Service"? "The West Coast Will Soon Be Ours!" Declares Billionaire.

Who Wants $20?

As part of a class action lawsuit, a collection of music and companies (e.g. Sony, Tower Records) is giving $5-$20 to anyone who has bought a CD between 1995 and 2000. No proof needed. The settlement amount depends on the number of people who apply. If more than 8.8 million people apply, individual payments won't be made and all the money will be donated to non-profits. Info here, apply here.

I'm using my money to buy lunch so I can throw it at an economist.

ME: "You know how I could afford to throw a steak sandwich at you? Because it was a free lunch! Free, free, FREE! How does irony taste, economDICK?"
ECONOMIST: "Actually, it tastes very tender and juicy, with a subtle smokiness that enriches the aroma."
ME: "Give me my lunch back."
ECONOMIST: "$5."