L.A. Traffic

On the way to San Francisco, I saw a sign that said, “Magic Mountain Parkway Congested.” Except it wasn’t an electronic sign, or a sign with hinges that could easily be changed. It was a permanent sign. And sure enough, at 7:30 in the morning, with light traffic on the highway, a line of brake lights led to the exit for Magic Mountain Parkway.

Everyone assumes magic is fantastical, but to me, the ability to stay congested 24 hours a day is at least as wondrous as anything Gandalf or Nostradamus ever did. Okay, maybe not Gandalf. But it definitely trumps Siegfried and Roy.

Welcome to L.A.

I met my first L.A. character five minutes after arriving at the airport. In the lavatory was an elderly gentleman who, from all appearances, was trying out for the TV show, “How Far Can You Pee Away From The Urinal!” To his credit, he got the vast majority of his urine on the rose-scented bull’s-eye. A younger man, possibly his son, commented on his peeing prowess. I went into a stall.

See Ya

I'm off to L.A. for two weeks. Although the weather there will be sunny and in the 70s every day, I truly hope that the weather here, with a little luck, consists of snowstorms and locusts.

I'll probably update the site 2-3 times in the next two weeks. The updates may even be more frequent than they have been recently as I'll have more sensory input than my monitor and Chocho, the squirrel that makes crow noises and made me stuff the rest of my grilled cheese sandwich in my mouth when I was eating on my front step yesterday.

Worst Thing I've Ever Written, According to Dan

"My sister Michele moved to California. I live in Virginia. One day, I will call her during breakfast and tell her why the East Toast is better than the West Toast."

Puns 1. Justice 0.