I saw this on a screen window in the kitchen of one of my dog walking clients.
"Warning: This screen will not prevent a child, or object, or anything from falling out."
Get some self-confidence, screen window. When I tossed Brewster a ball and it bounced over the sink, who stopped it from going out the window? You did. When the neighborhood was invaded by carpenter bees, who stop them from flying in the house and stealing Brewster's kibble? You. And I don't see any flies in the house. Must have been the frog. Oh, wait. Brewster ate him. Guess we have a certain perforated stranger to thank.
Screen window, you are more important than you think. You are the gatekeeper, the TSA agent, the club bouncer. You keep the riffraff out and let the air in. Look, no one is expecting you to keep a child out. If someone tosses a baby at you, you can only do so much.
At the same time, no one will be surprised if the baby happily bounces off you and into the arms of the gypsy outside who was trying to return it. You're more special than you think.
Showing posts with label warning label. Show all posts
Showing posts with label warning label. Show all posts
June 16, 2007
October 20, 2006
Warning
I saw a baby stroller with this warning label: DO NOT LEAVE STROLLER UNATTENDED!
If you have to be told by an inanimate object not to abandon your child, are you even in the market for a baby carriage? I think these parents, when perusing the chart of baby transportation options, saw "burlap sack" and said, "Hoo yah. Let's roll."
There is no point for a dumb warning label when it can be dumb and funny at the same time. "THIS STROLLER IS NOT A MAGICAL DEVICE THAT RENDERS YOUR BABY INVISIBLE IN TIMES OF DANGER. IT WILL NOT SOUND LIKE A CAR ALARM IF SOMEONE STEALS YOUR BABY. DO NOT LEAVE NON-MAGICAL STROLLER UNATTENDED. ALSO, BY NON-MAGICAL, WE ARE NOT IMPLYING THERE IS A MAGICAL VERSION OF THIS STROLLER. MAGIC DOES NOT EXIST. STOP VOTING FOR TAX CUTS. THE NATIONAL DEBT IS $8.5 TRILLION. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE $8.5 TRILLION IN MONOPOLY MONEY. BRAD PITT LOOKS LIKE A CHUPACABRA UP CLOSE. BRITNEY SPEARS USES HER BABY AS A HOOD ORNAMENT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH MAGIC ANYMORE. GOOD NIGHT.
If you have to be told by an inanimate object not to abandon your child, are you even in the market for a baby carriage? I think these parents, when perusing the chart of baby transportation options, saw "burlap sack" and said, "Hoo yah. Let's roll."
There is no point for a dumb warning label when it can be dumb and funny at the same time. "THIS STROLLER IS NOT A MAGICAL DEVICE THAT RENDERS YOUR BABY INVISIBLE IN TIMES OF DANGER. IT WILL NOT SOUND LIKE A CAR ALARM IF SOMEONE STEALS YOUR BABY. DO NOT LEAVE NON-MAGICAL STROLLER UNATTENDED. ALSO, BY NON-MAGICAL, WE ARE NOT IMPLYING THERE IS A MAGICAL VERSION OF THIS STROLLER. MAGIC DOES NOT EXIST. STOP VOTING FOR TAX CUTS. THE NATIONAL DEBT IS $8.5 TRILLION. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE $8.5 TRILLION IN MONOPOLY MONEY. BRAD PITT LOOKS LIKE A CHUPACABRA UP CLOSE. BRITNEY SPEARS USES HER BABY AS A HOOD ORNAMENT. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS HAS TO DO WITH MAGIC ANYMORE. GOOD NIGHT.
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