Proverbs, Revised

The easiest person to deceive is yourself.
The easiest person to deceive is Stupid McStupidson. 2nd is yourself. Unless your name is Stupid McStupidson. Then you're screwed.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
And that song is "In A Gadda Da Vida"

A book tightly shut is but a block of paper.
A book tightly shut is but a block of paper. Unless it's a fake book with chocolate inside. Then it's a chocolate hoarding bastard.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. Unless Fool #1 asks, "Where are my pants?" and they're on his head. That's just stupid. Or if Fool #2 is a mute, and no one knows sign language, and when she tries to write down her question, people are like, "I'm illiterate. I can't read. I can't even find my pants."

I Want Some Ice Cream
Not a proverb. I just want some ice cream.

Quote

Mark Twain is the king of quotes. I'm glad he's not alive today because if we met, I'd be disappointed when he said hi. This one made me smile:

"When angry, count four; when very angry, swear."

~ Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson

Today's Words of Wisdom

You're never truly bald until you throw away your comb. Or you have no hair on your head. That and the comb thing--those are the two criteria for baldness. And living in an alternate universe where everyone except you has folds of thick, wavy hair and you're bald relative to them. Kind of like how we're bald relative to monkeys (that's why they laugh at us).

Mystery Quote

"He wants to turn the White House into the Waffle House."

Who said it, to whom, and under what circumstances?

Quote Roundup

"I knew that my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God, and his was an idol."

"Roses are red, poems are corny, take me to bed, I’m feeling horny."

"So I knock on the door and I say, 'Hi, I'm Courtney Love. I'm leaving the loony bin.' "

"This is the first time we've found anything like this inside a junkyard. Most places will say it's a massage parlor or adult entertainment."

Most links from FARK. Not responsible for time wasted reading articles.

Thanks, Yeats

"The best lack conviction, while the worst
Are full of passionate intensity."

-- William Butler Yeats: "The Second Coming" (1921)

Guess Which Presidency?

"We are here plunged in politics funnier than words can express. Very great issues are involved...But the amusing thing is that no one talks about real interests. By common consent they agree to let these alone. We are afraid to discuss them. Instead of this the press is engaged in a most amusing dispute whether Mr. Cleveland has an illegitimate child and did or did not live with more than one mistress."

--Henry Adams, 19th century political commentator, quoted in A People's History of the United States (pg 258).

. . .

“Suddenly, a leap by those powerful hind limbs as the jaguar bursts through the vegetation, closing the distance between him and the peccary within a blink of an eye. In an instant, the canines clamp the skull, and the large front paws grab and twist the neck sideways at an impossible angle. The peccary is dead before it hits the ground, its skull pulled apart by the motion of the jaguar’s jaws.”

From Jaguar, by Alan Rabinowitz

The light turned red. An ant scurried up my leg, so I flicked it off. It landed in my car’s change holder and tried to crawl away. His body felt like a pebble as I pressed my finger on its frame. It writhed, twitching in a circle. I pressed until I heard a crack. It was still twitching. I ground my finger the way one would extinguish a cigarette with the tip of a boot. It moved slower, flipping in circles.

Many years ago, I wrote a story where I asked, “What if ants could scream?” How different is that person from me? I got a piece of paper and smeared his body away like an eraser over a spare apostrophe. The story I wrote had many mistakes, but my classmates loved it. The light turned green and it was time to go.

For Later?

I may turn this into a fake news article:

Thoughts of Existential Death Overwhelm Bush
“Time is running out.”

Scientist Quote of the Week

From a Washington Post article on a species of insects that evolved from winged to wingless…and then backed to winged:

“The study shows that ‘somehow this whole developmental problem can be switched on and switched off,’ said Pennsylvania State University biologist James Marden. ‘That's cool, and not just cool for insects. That's cool across the board.’ “