Do you know what's sad?

I can't believe I just realized this.

It's all a joke.

It's all a fucking in-joke.

George W. Bush or Dan Quayle

1. I stand by all the misstatements that I've made.
2. [about getting into The National Guard] There was no influence used. I didn't have to use any influence because before I applied, there were openings, when I applied, there were openings, and after I applied, there were openings. Those are the facts. And if you're interested in the facts, there they are.
3. Vietnam is a jungle. You had jungle warfare. Kuwait, Iraq, Saudi Arabia, you have sand. [There is no need to worry about a protracted war because] from a historical basis, Middle East conflicts do not last a long time.
4. [Presidential Candidate's] tax-and-spend policies will create a recession in America.
5. It's a good Supreme Court. They're lawyers... they're judges... they're appointed for life.
6. If we do not succeed, then we run the risk of failure.
7. We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur.
8. I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change.
9. [talking about homosexuality] My viewpoint is that it's more of a choice than a biological situation... I think it is a wrong choice. It is a wrong; it is a wrong choice. I do believe in most cases it certainly is a choice.
10. [on the concept of a manned mission to Mars.] [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system.
11. I want to show you an optimistic sign that things are beginning to turn around.
12. "Do you have blacks, too?"
13. If you listen to the news, read the news, you'd think we were still in a recession. Well, we're not in a recession. We've had growth; people need to know that. They need to be more upbeat, more positive….
14. America is great, because America is free.
15. My friends, no matter how rough the road may be, we can and we will never, never surrender to what is right.
16. We're all capable of mistakes, but I do not care to enlighten you on the mistakes we may or may not have made.
17. Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by itself. It is a -- it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation.
18. I love to bring people into the oval office...and say, this is where I office.
    

Compare and Contrast

1. Edward Zabala, the employee of the restaurant who took the [---'s] money, said he paid $39.30.

Zabala said the bill should have been $42.95 but he charged [---] less because he was "caught up in the moment."

"I was nervous," Zabala told CNN.

[---] did not leave tip for the to-go order, but Zabala said one was not expected.

2. "There. I paid for my ice tea and I even left you a penny."

[---]at Bob's Big Boy in Claymont, DE. The waitress who served [---] said he had given the cashier $1.00 for a 99 cent iced tea, said this, and then laughed. On a stop to a Delaware restaurant, in Feb. 1992, [---] bought a coffee at Dempsey's Diner and left no tip whatsoever. On that occasion, he had just come from a $500 a plate fundraiser at the Hotel Du Pont.

And an easy bonus

Our trick, Rush -- not a trick, our challenge -- our challenge is to make the American people comfortable with the leadership George Bush will offer in the next four years.

(source for Bush quotes)
(source for Quayle quotes)

Answers in comments.