The Debate That Will Decide the World

It must be fun to work as a journalist and report your own thoughts as the news.

Reporters Underpaid, Not Appreciated By Editors

PUGSY THE AVERAGE JOE: "Wow, that's really unfair. I think reporters should…hey, wait a minute."

For example, did you know that tonight's Vice-Presidential debate is more important than usual? That a strong showing by Cheney could stem the blood flowing from President Bush's hand, which Kerry bit off after the debate last week (story on FOX News)? That for every five points Edwards scores, he gets to tickle Cheney once, and only one tickle is enough to destroy Cheney's image as a glum, serious communicator?

It's all true because I read it. You see, a few days ago, the Associated Press sponsored a 537-person poll which asked, "How would you describe the effect the Vice-Presidential debate will have on who you vote for in the elections? No effect, a little effect, some effect, a lot of effect?" Out of the responses, 52% said a lot or some effect, an 27% increase from the responses to the same question last year. Thus, after the poll results were released, many political analysts began running stories saying how this is one of the most important VP debates in recent history.

Ha! Just kidding. The media didn't run any stupid polls, or talk to people like Pugsy to see what they "think" about tonight's debate. Can you blame them? I mean, come on. His name is Pugsy. Who the hell wants to talk to someone named Pugsy?

I'd give you my pre-debate analysis, but there hasn't been any articles examining the two candidates' strengths and weaknesses, so I don't know what to think.