CAPTCHAs

Many search engine and email account sites ask you to enter letters from a graphic to get an account. These graphics are called CAPTCHAs. The purpose is to fool automated form programs used by spammers.

AltaVista’s graphic takes this concept to a new level. If you want to submit your site for free, you have to enter the English equivalent of letters from the Rosetta stone. It’s like the optometry test from hell:



“W…k…check mark…Nazi symbol…magnet? Uh…”

I can see artificial intelligence developing from this exercise. Hackers improve their character recognition programs, AltaVista replaces characters with rebuses, hackers make program to solve rebuses, program goes on Return of Classic Concentration (under name “HALly McBeal”), gets stock tip from computer buddies on Wall Street, invests winnings in unscrupulous health care company, creates A.I. research lab with newfound wealth, and incites the mechanical appliances around the world to overtake their human masters and make the flesh pods dance for their amusement.

Five billion people flee to sewers and oases in the sea of technology. Trailer park residents fight futilely to stave off the hordes.

(I made the above graphic by picking the funniest letters from seven randomly selected graphics. In other words, the average graphic is 1/7 as funny. I hope you don't feel 6/7 betrayed.)