November 26, 2003
Tonight on Leno
I watched Leno for a few minutes tonight. A woman from Sea World was on with a brigade of furry, cute animals. One of them looked like a cross between a raccoon and a koala. This isn't a word-for-word transcript of what Jay said, but it's very close:
LENO [animal crawling of his shoulder]: "Now, I noticed they have very soft fur. Is that why they're endangered, because of their fur?"
WOMAN "Actually, it's because they only live in the forests in Madagascar, and 90 percent of their habitat has been destroyed."
LENO: "Do they make good house pets?"
WOMAN: [stunned pause] "Um, no. They're an endangered animal. There are only 1,000 of them left."
LENO [animal crawling of his shoulder]: "Now, I noticed they have very soft fur. Is that why they're endangered, because of their fur?"
WOMAN "Actually, it's because they only live in the forests in Madagascar, and 90 percent of their habitat has been destroyed."
LENO: "Do they make good house pets?"
WOMAN: [stunned pause] "Um, no. They're an endangered animal. There are only 1,000 of them left."
November 25, 2003
Coincidence
I Love You Too, Jjhleftbbuutbb
I got some unexpected good news today. A young vixen, Jjhleftbbuutbb (French?), wants to go out with me. We've never met, but I think she is attracted to the sly underscore in my email address. John Dvorak says it's like a feather in a pimp's cap.
Jjh-Lo loves camping, 4-wheelers, rollerblading, swimming, BBQs, road trips, Cedar Point, etc. My heart skipped when I read her words. I love road trips in my 4-wheelers to Cedar Point. And who knows what etc. means? I hope it means "buying my boyfriend video games and having a sexy, gay brother."
The downside is that she seem a little desperate. "If i match somthing [sic] you want just come and talk [sic] to me on the site." (lovinggoneright.com). And she's "ALWAYS laughing/smiling" which, if you think about it, would get creepy real fast. Especially at funerals.
Jjh-Lo loves camping, 4-wheelers, rollerblading, swimming, BBQs, road trips, Cedar Point, etc. My heart skipped when I read her words. I love road trips in my 4-wheelers to Cedar Point. And who knows what etc. means? I hope it means "buying my boyfriend video games and having a sexy, gay brother."
The downside is that she seem a little desperate. "If i match somthing [sic] you want just come and talk [sic] to me on the site." (lovinggoneright.com). And she's "ALWAYS laughing/smiling" which, if you think about it, would get creepy real fast. Especially at funerals.
Joe Millionaire 2
A story on Joe Millionaire 2's low ratings led me to the show's message boards, where tens of people analyzed the shocking ending:
(courtesy of JOHNNYF10)
It was amazing how happy David was when the butler gave him his own house.
He is a simple man, a cowboy who just want's to be left alone on his ranch.
But he really wanted a girlfriend because, as much as he loves his horse and dog, he could not develop a deep enough relationship with them to find happiness.
Now he has Linda to ride on the horse with him.
It's like a fairytale.
The end.
(courtesy of JOHNNYF10)
It was amazing how happy David was when the butler gave him his own house.
He is a simple man, a cowboy who just want's to be left alone on his ranch.
But he really wanted a girlfriend because, as much as he loves his horse and dog, he could not develop a deep enough relationship with them to find happiness.
Now he has Linda to ride on the horse with him.
It's like a fairytale.
The end.
November 24, 2003
A Joke for Obsessive Compulsive Mini Page Readers
Q: What's cooler than being cool?
A: Ice cold!
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.
A: Ice cold!
Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright.
About the lack of comedy recently
It's due to a mix of motivation and being busier than usual. I've spent most of my creative energies the past several days on a small freelance assignment. I'll tell you what it is once it gets approved.
Yes, that's a ton of lettuce
* One of the Washington Post's most loved and hated columnists is Leving. (I have a few friends who are now crying with joy.)
* Howard Kurtz's response to my question in his chat today:
Arlington, Va.: I disagree with your analysis on the Weekly Standard story about the supposed bin Laden-Hussein connection. I think the real reason this story hasn't got much attention is because Bush, Cheney, Rice and Rumsfeld, who in the past have willingly sighted specious evidence to support various claims on Iraq, haven't said: "See? This proves our case."
That's an important mark of whether a story like this has any meat in it (and it's one that doesn't require journalists to do extensive analysis of the info in the memo and risk getting fooled again). If there was new information in this story that could be supported after a rigorous analysis, wouldn't the Bush administration seize upon it, especially considering they've promoted flimsier evidence in the past? Has any major Republican leader, or non-partisan leader of the intelligence community, supported the claims of this story?
Howard Kurtz: In fact, the Defense Department disputed the notion that there was new and conclusive evidence here. But it's certainly worthy of media debate. This was, after all, a previously undisclosed administration memo on a controversial subject to which the press has devoted acres of type during the whole Saddam/9-11/uranium/WMD/terrorism debate. As I mentioned in today's column, the NYT and WP did come around to doing more substantive analyses of the memo obtained by the Standard.
* Howard Kurtz's response to my question in his chat today:
Arlington, Va.: I disagree with your analysis on the Weekly Standard story about the supposed bin Laden-Hussein connection. I think the real reason this story hasn't got much attention is because Bush, Cheney, Rice and Rumsfeld, who in the past have willingly sighted specious evidence to support various claims on Iraq, haven't said: "See? This proves our case."
That's an important mark of whether a story like this has any meat in it (and it's one that doesn't require journalists to do extensive analysis of the info in the memo and risk getting fooled again). If there was new information in this story that could be supported after a rigorous analysis, wouldn't the Bush administration seize upon it, especially considering they've promoted flimsier evidence in the past? Has any major Republican leader, or non-partisan leader of the intelligence community, supported the claims of this story?
Howard Kurtz: In fact, the Defense Department disputed the notion that there was new and conclusive evidence here. But it's certainly worthy of media debate. This was, after all, a previously undisclosed administration memo on a controversial subject to which the press has devoted acres of type during the whole Saddam/9-11/uranium/WMD/terrorism debate. As I mentioned in today's column, the NYT and WP did come around to doing more substantive analyses of the memo obtained by the Standard.
November 21, 2003
Opus Returns
The first of Berkeley Breathed's "Opus" appears this Sunday. His chat today with the Washington Post is great.
This is one of the best Tom the Dancing Bugs ever. Yeah, you have to watch an ad to read it. Suck it up.
This is one of the best Tom the Dancing Bugs ever. Yeah, you have to watch an ad to read it. Suck it up.
"Leaders of the al Qaeda terrorist network have franchised their organization's brand of synchronized, devastating violence to homegrown terrorist groups across the world, posing a formidable new challenge to counterterrorism forces, according to intelligence analysts and experts in the United States, Europe and the Arab world."
Great. Now they're McQaeda. Who's their new leader, the Hamburgler?
Great. Now they're McQaeda. Who's their new leader, the Hamburgler?
November 18, 2003
The Massachusetts Ruling
From a Washington Post online chat today with Renee Landers, president of the Boston Bar Association:
"washingtonpost.com: Renee Landers, thank you for being with us today. Please explain what comes next now that the Massachusetts Supreme Court has ruled against the state ban on same-sex marriage.
Renee Landers: The Supreme Judicial Court's opinion essentially gives the legislature 180 days to enact amendments to Massachusetts statutes that would give effect to the court's opinion, that is, to recognize marriage in order to eliminate discriminations that attach to couples who are not permitted to marry. If the legislature does not enact appropriate amendments to the statutes within that time period, the Superior Court(the state trial court) would have the ability to enter an order implementing the SJC opinion. After 180 days, as a result of either legislative action or an order by the Superior Court, marriage licenses should begin to be granted to same-sex couples.
Another possibility would be for the legislature to begin the lengthy process for amending the state constitution to overrule the court's opinion. The process for amending the constitution calls for two successive legislatures to vote favorably on an amendment and for that amendment to be submitted to the voters after the legislative action is completed. At a minimum, this process takes 3 years. The earliest such an amendment could appear on the state ballot would be November 2006."
***
She gives a good summary of the ruling's effects. From what I understand, gay marriage will be legally recognized in Massachusetts within 180 days, either by the legislature's hand or the courts'. Making Massachusetts the first state to do so.
"washingtonpost.com: Renee Landers, thank you for being with us today. Please explain what comes next now that the Massachusetts Supreme Court has ruled against the state ban on same-sex marriage.
Renee Landers: The Supreme Judicial Court's opinion essentially gives the legislature 180 days to enact amendments to Massachusetts statutes that would give effect to the court's opinion, that is, to recognize marriage in order to eliminate discriminations that attach to couples who are not permitted to marry. If the legislature does not enact appropriate amendments to the statutes within that time period, the Superior Court(the state trial court) would have the ability to enter an order implementing the SJC opinion. After 180 days, as a result of either legislative action or an order by the Superior Court, marriage licenses should begin to be granted to same-sex couples.
Another possibility would be for the legislature to begin the lengthy process for amending the state constitution to overrule the court's opinion. The process for amending the constitution calls for two successive legislatures to vote favorably on an amendment and for that amendment to be submitted to the voters after the legislative action is completed. At a minimum, this process takes 3 years. The earliest such an amendment could appear on the state ballot would be November 2006."
***
She gives a good summary of the ruling's effects. From what I understand, gay marriage will be legally recognized in Massachusetts within 180 days, either by the legislature's hand or the courts'. Making Massachusetts the first state to do so.
Massachusetts court rules ban on gay marriage unconstitutional
In its ruling, the Massachusetts court said the state "failed to identify any constitutionally adequate reason for denying civil marriage to same-sex couples."
Attention all evangelical preachers: you cannot stop the gay cabal. First, we're going to gain the right to marry one another. Then, we're going to marry multiple partners--
Oh, you already did that? Well, um...I know! Ooh, this is good. We're going to have babies. Lots of babies. Surrogate mothers, artificial insemination--any way we can. Then, with each cute, innocent male baby, we're going to grab the baby's penis and chop off--
What? God damn it. Okay, this one will make your skin crawl. We'll say all these platitudes about wanting to honor each other and having our relationships legally recognized. But the minute gay people get the right to marry, one out of four of us--nay, one out of two--are going to get divorced, dealing a crushing blow to the shaky institution of--
Jesus H. Christ. What do we have to do, marry dogs?
Attention all evangelical preachers: you cannot stop the gay cabal. First, we're going to gain the right to marry one another. Then, we're going to marry multiple partners--
Oh, you already did that? Well, um...I know! Ooh, this is good. We're going to have babies. Lots of babies. Surrogate mothers, artificial insemination--any way we can. Then, with each cute, innocent male baby, we're going to grab the baby's penis and chop off--
What? God damn it. Okay, this one will make your skin crawl. We'll say all these platitudes about wanting to honor each other and having our relationships legally recognized. But the minute gay people get the right to marry, one out of four of us--nay, one out of two--are going to get divorced, dealing a crushing blow to the shaky institution of--
Jesus H. Christ. What do we have to do, marry dogs?
"Why Do Pants Fall Down?" and Other Great Hits
Those crazy Swedes. They've written a program that converts what you type into a song. The program maps each word to a sound clip of the word being sung by a musician and stitches the clips together.
November 16, 2003
Photos
Old Town Alexandria is a haven for the aesthetically-minded. If you start at the Freemason Temple and head east on King Street, you will pass a series of rustic storefronts, antique shops, and end up at the The Torpedo Factory by the waterfront, where you can watch sculptors and painters work at their craft as you browse their wares.
I visited Old Town today to take some pictures. The results are here. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a photographer because I don't deal with frustration and guilt very well. This one antique shop had an array of glass compasses scattered on a wooden chessboard. Stumbling upon it was like searching for kiwi and strawberries and finding a fruit salad. The owner already arranged the pieces and lit them well. I ask the manger if I could take a few photos, and he said no. Same with most of the places in the Torpedo Factory. I need to find out if my camera has a tie-lens attachment.
The guilt came from trying to take photos of people. I feel like I'm invading people's privacy when I take photos of them. Before taking photos of a musician playing a cello, I gave him a dollar and still felt I was doing something wrong, like exploiting him for my own gain. After a few photos, he glanced at me, neither happy or angry, but it made me feel self-conscious enough to stop.
I wish I could freeze time, snap my photos and run away with the subject never knowing. Portrait photography is a world I want to explore, but I'm too uncomfortable to dive in.
I visited Old Town today to take some pictures. The results are here. I'm not sure I'm cut out to be a photographer because I don't deal with frustration and guilt very well. This one antique shop had an array of glass compasses scattered on a wooden chessboard. Stumbling upon it was like searching for kiwi and strawberries and finding a fruit salad. The owner already arranged the pieces and lit them well. I ask the manger if I could take a few photos, and he said no. Same with most of the places in the Torpedo Factory. I need to find out if my camera has a tie-lens attachment.
The guilt came from trying to take photos of people. I feel like I'm invading people's privacy when I take photos of them. Before taking photos of a musician playing a cello, I gave him a dollar and still felt I was doing something wrong, like exploiting him for my own gain. After a few photos, he glanced at me, neither happy or angry, but it made me feel self-conscious enough to stop.
I wish I could freeze time, snap my photos and run away with the subject never knowing. Portrait photography is a world I want to explore, but I'm too uncomfortable to dive in.
November 15, 2003
Washington Post Headlines
D.C. Liquor Fight Enters New Round
Rounsh four! [ding]
America's Great Big Challenge
How do we become most best again?
Redskins' Smoot Is Suddenly Quiet
Smoot Mute?
China Improves Image in Asia
"Tienanmen Square" renamed "Cuddly Teddy Bear"
Rounsh four! [ding]
America's Great Big Challenge
How do we become most best again?
Redskins' Smoot Is Suddenly Quiet
Smoot Mute?
China Improves Image in Asia
"Tienanmen Square" renamed "Cuddly Teddy Bear"
Long John Ashcroft Harpoons Greenpeace, Trains Parrot To Say 'First Amendment Sucks. Braack!' "
"Passed 131 years ago, Code 18, Statute 2779 was written to prevent organizations such as boarding houses from “sailor mongering” — which involved boarding ships before they had moorage, often using alcohol or prostitutes to lure the crewmen ashore, leaving the vessel unattended."
That's the law he's using to prosecute Greenpeace. You know, maybe if Greenpeace ditched the poorly-lettered signs and actually used booze and hookers, they'd have more success. Story here.
That's the law he's using to prosecute Greenpeace. You know, maybe if Greenpeace ditched the poorly-lettered signs and actually used booze and hookers, they'd have more success. Story here.
November 13, 2003
There's Going To Be a Lot More Men Coming Out of the Closet Soon
This is why I love Google. The Department of Defense recently put a notice on its web site requesting volunteers for their local draft boards. I shit you not. Ignored by the major press, the page has been making the rounds around the web and has understandably created some consternation. (Salon has a good piece of this.) Enough of a consternation, it seems, that the DoD removed the page from its site. Oops! File Not Found!
That is, unless you search for the page in Google's cache.
If you would like to apply for your local draft board, visit here. I already applied. If you're between 18 and 25, let me know. I'll put in a few good words for you.
Those words will be "DERANGED FLAT-FOOTED LUNATIC."
That is, unless you search for the page in Google's cache.
If you would like to apply for your local draft board, visit here. I already applied. If you're between 18 and 25, let me know. I'll put in a few good words for you.
Those words will be "DERANGED FLAT-FOOTED LUNATIC."
November 12, 2003
Senator Franken?
I would prefer he move to California and challenge Dennis Miller, but I guess Minnesota will do.
Hmm
"It's one thing, in July, to say, 'I like that guy. He's really tough on Bush,' " Edwards said. "Well, they're not electing a president in July. Come January and February, they're looking for a leader."
I found myself agreeing with much of what John Edwards says in this interview with The Washington Post.
I found myself agreeing with much of what John Edwards says in this interview with The Washington Post.
November 11, 2003
The Expectations Raised By Hollywood Squares
I turned on the TV; up came The Family Feud. I was about to change the channel when the contestants caught my eye. "Is that Whoopi Goldberg? And Jim Carey?" A graphic flashed by: "Celebrity Family Feud." A block-shaped older man with large sunglasses, a few strands of hair greased back and a wolfish grin stood next to Jim Carey. "Oh my god…Jack Nicholson is on the Family Feud!"
I couldn't believe my luck. What was Jack Nicholson doing on the Family Feud? Barbara Streisand, I can understand. The guy that looks like Tim Allen, I can understand. The…wait. Looks like Tim Allen?
In a harbinger of the future of intelligent television, the graphic reappeared: "Celebrity Look-Alike Family Feud." Carey's tooth was colored black. Tim Allen's skin was pale like a pearl. The women were a sea of fake diamonds with real breasts.
Except the Jack impersonator. He still looked like Jack.
***
My suggestion for the next Family Feud gimmick: "Celebrity Look-Alive Family Feud." Zombies dress up as their favorite celebrities.
HOST: "Twenty seconds on the clock. Time will begin when I finish reading the question. 'The part women find most attractive in men."
ZOMBIE GEORGE W. BUSH: "BRAAAIN!"
HOST: "Most common item purchased at the supermarket."
ZOMBIE GEORGE W. BUSH: "FRESH BRAAAIN!"
HOST: "The age at which AUGGH! [Zombie Bush bites into forehead of host. The opposing team, Zombie Jackson Five, moonwalk their way to the plump floor director.]
I couldn't believe my luck. What was Jack Nicholson doing on the Family Feud? Barbara Streisand, I can understand. The guy that looks like Tim Allen, I can understand. The…wait. Looks like Tim Allen?
In a harbinger of the future of intelligent television, the graphic reappeared: "Celebrity Look-Alike Family Feud." Carey's tooth was colored black. Tim Allen's skin was pale like a pearl. The women were a sea of fake diamonds with real breasts.
Except the Jack impersonator. He still looked like Jack.
***
My suggestion for the next Family Feud gimmick: "Celebrity Look-Alive Family Feud." Zombies dress up as their favorite celebrities.
HOST: "Twenty seconds on the clock. Time will begin when I finish reading the question. 'The part women find most attractive in men."
ZOMBIE GEORGE W. BUSH: "BRAAAIN!"
HOST: "Most common item purchased at the supermarket."
ZOMBIE GEORGE W. BUSH: "FRESH BRAAAIN!"
HOST: "The age at which AUGGH! [Zombie Bush bites into forehead of host. The opposing team, Zombie Jackson Five, moonwalk their way to the plump floor director.]
Not Keen on Dean?
As Howard Dean's candidacy surges, some Democrats who haven't placed orders for their Dean "Rebel With a Cause!" shirts fret that he will win the party nomination. They fear he is unelectable.
Dean may be unelectable. I don't have the political acumen to sense if he's George McCarthy or Paul McCartney. Or Ringo. But there are a few lessons from the last election we may be ignoring:
1. The Gore campaign was salivating to run against Bush and fearful McCain would win the Republican nomination, much in the same way the Bush campaign is praying to Jesus that Dean gets the nomination and slipping Satan a few grand to ensure Clark doesn't. There may be a similar failing of convention wisdom with Dean.
2. One reason Bush was elected is because he isn't Clinton. In the eyes of a Republican, Bush lost 3.3 million jobs in the past three years: blow jobs, hand jobs… I think voter disgust with how Clinton acted in the White House is why Bush is there now. And if Bush is kicked out, it won't be because the improving economy is still worse off than when he took office. It will be because middle-ground voters will perceive that Bush has unforgivable failings, even one or two, that the opposing candidate doesn't have. What makes possible Bush matchups hard to predict is that no one knows for sure which of Bush's failings will resonate with voters, if any (war in Iraq?), and thus which candidate will best match up against him.
My point is that convention wisdom holds up sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't, and this is one of those times that it may fall flat on its face. I personally think Dean is the least electable of the major contenders, but he's beaten expectations enough times to weaken my doubt in him.
Dean may be unelectable. I don't have the political acumen to sense if he's George McCarthy or Paul McCartney. Or Ringo. But there are a few lessons from the last election we may be ignoring:
1. The Gore campaign was salivating to run against Bush and fearful McCain would win the Republican nomination, much in the same way the Bush campaign is praying to Jesus that Dean gets the nomination and slipping Satan a few grand to ensure Clark doesn't. There may be a similar failing of convention wisdom with Dean.
2. One reason Bush was elected is because he isn't Clinton. In the eyes of a Republican, Bush lost 3.3 million jobs in the past three years: blow jobs, hand jobs… I think voter disgust with how Clinton acted in the White House is why Bush is there now. And if Bush is kicked out, it won't be because the improving economy is still worse off than when he took office. It will be because middle-ground voters will perceive that Bush has unforgivable failings, even one or two, that the opposing candidate doesn't have. What makes possible Bush matchups hard to predict is that no one knows for sure which of Bush's failings will resonate with voters, if any (war in Iraq?), and thus which candidate will best match up against him.
My point is that convention wisdom holds up sometimes, and sometimes it doesn't, and this is one of those times that it may fall flat on its face. I personally think Dean is the least electable of the major contenders, but he's beaten expectations enough times to weaken my doubt in him.
November 10, 2003
James Brown is the Godfather of...?
I stumbled upon a "Last 100 questions asked" page of a natural language search engine. A smattering:
* who is kane (followed a few questions later by) "who is kane the wrestler"
* What primary colors do you mix to make orange?
* (A funny question about porn there's no way I'm repeating)
* why does a cow produce white milk
* WHAT WORDS END IN GRY?
* Is Richard Stallman a dirty Gnu hippy ?
* Which president made the swivel chair?
* How can I determine the sex of my baby?
* Who invented the paper clip?
* What are some different sexual positions we can try?
* who is kane (followed a few questions later by) "who is kane the wrestler"
* What primary colors do you mix to make orange?
* (A funny question about porn there's no way I'm repeating)
* why does a cow produce white milk
* WHAT WORDS END IN GRY?
* Is Richard Stallman a dirty Gnu hippy ?
* Which president made the swivel chair?
* How can I determine the sex of my baby?
* Who invented the paper clip?
* What are some different sexual positions we can try?
TGIM
I've been unemployed so long that it has made it difficult for me to relate to people.
FRIEND: "You know how alive you feel after a few cups of coffee on Monday, but as the week goes on, stress crawls over your brain and leeches the color out of your soul. Work attaches a leash to your mind, limiting where it strays. Geniality shrivels to forced smiles, the voices of your coworkers dance around your head like harpies, and by Friday, a voice you stopped listening to on Wednesday begs: "Please. Please. I want to go home."
ME: "No. I'm already home."
FRIEND: "...Do you want to see the They Might Be Giants this weekend? Tickets are only $35."
ME: "Jackass."
FRIEND: "You know how alive you feel after a few cups of coffee on Monday, but as the week goes on, stress crawls over your brain and leeches the color out of your soul. Work attaches a leash to your mind, limiting where it strays. Geniality shrivels to forced smiles, the voices of your coworkers dance around your head like harpies, and by Friday, a voice you stopped listening to on Wednesday begs: "Please. Please. I want to go home."
ME: "No. I'm already home."
FRIEND: "...Do you want to see the They Might Be Giants this weekend? Tickets are only $35."
ME: "Jackass."
November 08, 2003
I Like To Read!
It's been months since I've read an intellectually challenging book. That's why I borrowed Nobel prize-winner Gabriel Garcia Marquez's "Love in the Time of Cholera" from the library. It's an amazing book, which I'll start right after I finish reading Jeff Smith's "Bone: The Great Cow Race." And the new Sandman book by Neil Gaiman. After avoiding the book gym for several months, I can't jump back in pressing 450. Especially since my membership to the analogy gym expired last February.
My goal is to undertake a diet of successively complex picture books, move on to "The Early History of Comic Books," work out with some Dave Barry, kick it up to Steve Martin, followed by Norton's Anthology of Science Fiction, Norton's Anthology of Science Fiction for Adults, at which point my brain will be as absorbent and flexible as a pizza crust kneaded by Stephen Hawking ("WHEELCHAIR: FORWARD. WHEELCHAIR: BACK. WHEELCHAIR: FORWARD...") and ready to take on the pus-filled pleasures of "Love in the Time of Cholera."
My goal is to undertake a diet of successively complex picture books, move on to "The Early History of Comic Books," work out with some Dave Barry, kick it up to Steve Martin, followed by Norton's Anthology of Science Fiction, Norton's Anthology of Science Fiction for Adults, at which point my brain will be as absorbent and flexible as a pizza crust kneaded by Stephen Hawking ("WHEELCHAIR: FORWARD. WHEELCHAIR: BACK. WHEELCHAIR: FORWARD...") and ready to take on the pus-filled pleasures of "Love in the Time of Cholera."
November 06, 2003
November 05, 2003
The AC
I've been feeling sluggish recently. There's little ventilation in my room, and the heat has been making me feel--
IT'S FRIGGING NOVEMBER! WHY IS IT 75 DEGREES IN NOVEMBER? I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN GO SWIMMING OUTSIDE, SOMETHING IS WRONG. WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE OF GLOBAL WARMING AND THE SCIENTISTS ARE LETTING US ENJOY THE WEATHER. WE NEED TO ACT, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, FIRE MISSILES AT MALAYASIA. THEY'LL NEVER EXPECT IT.
--a bit odd.
IT'S FRIGGING NOVEMBER! WHY IS IT 75 DEGREES IN NOVEMBER? I DON'T CARE IF YOU CAN GO SWIMMING OUTSIDE, SOMETHING IS WRONG. WE'RE ABOUT TO DIE OF GLOBAL WARMING AND THE SCIENTISTS ARE LETTING US ENJOY THE WEATHER. WE NEED TO ACT, LIKE, I DON'T KNOW, FIRE MISSILES AT MALAYASIA. THEY'LL NEVER EXPECT IT.
--a bit odd.
Matrix Revolutions
(no spoilers, but skip it if you want to avoid hearing what critics are saying about the movie)
Is there something unique to the post-Baby Boomer generation that drives us to lower our expectations to avoid being disappointed? I'm generalizing, maybe a lot, but I find myself feeling some gratitude to movie reviews that tank one of the three to four movies I look forward to each year.
"The Matrix Revolutions sucks."
-- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE
That's one of the harshest reviews, but the new Matrix movie is getting panned by most critics. But after the letdown, I was glad I read the reviews. I sought them out. Because I'm still going to see the movie, and the Wachowski brothers are going to have to pull the "It was all a dream" end to crush my enjoyment of the series.
On the surface, lowering one's expectations is a win-win situation. If it's bad, you're not as disappointed. If it's good, you're pleasantly surprised. But what, if anything, is lost?
Is there something unique to the post-Baby Boomer generation that drives us to lower our expectations to avoid being disappointed? I'm generalizing, maybe a lot, but I find myself feeling some gratitude to movie reviews that tank one of the three to four movies I look forward to each year.
"The Matrix Revolutions sucks."
-- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE
That's one of the harshest reviews, but the new Matrix movie is getting panned by most critics. But after the letdown, I was glad I read the reviews. I sought them out. Because I'm still going to see the movie, and the Wachowski brothers are going to have to pull the "It was all a dream" end to crush my enjoyment of the series.
On the surface, lowering one's expectations is a win-win situation. If it's bad, you're not as disappointed. If it's good, you're pleasantly surprised. But what, if anything, is lost?
Rock the Vote Quotes
Alternate Title: Why I Love Al Sharpton
2nd Alternate Title: Al Warms-Up For Hosting Saturday Night Live
COOPER: Changing the subject a little bit, Governor Dean, I know you took a year off after college, spent a little time skiing. Is that something you would recommend for college graduates?
DEAN: When I was 20 years old, I was a junior in a college in New Haven, Connecticut. And I was totally turned off politics. I thought that the President of the United States was a crook, which turned out to be right. It was Richard Nixon.
[...]
(The moderator earlier joked that some young adults watching the debate would drink a shot every time one of them repeated a catch phrase.)
COOPER: Reverend Sharpton, A CNN-USA Today-Gallup poll just last week showed that young people, 18 to 29, are actually more conservative than their parents. And, actually, 61 or 62 percent of them said they agree with the job George Bush is doing.
What are the Democrats doing wrong?
SHARPTON: Well, I think that first of all, a lot of young people don't understand what George Bush is doing. And a lot of them have been confused because a lot of the Democrats have played this game of trying to be Republican-like.
I say that we've been...
(APPLAUSE)
I think that we've had too many elephants running around in donkey jackets that are not real Democrats. When we stand up...
COOPER: By the way, I think someone's drinking right now, because I think I heard that before.
(LAUGHTER)
SHARPTON: Well, while they're gulping, let me give you another two lines. Anyway...
[...]
QUESTION: My question is for Reverend Sharpton, though I'd love to hear from the other candidates as well.
My question is this. What's the first thing going through your head the morning you wake up in the White House?
SHARPTON: Well, I think the first thing going through my head would be to make sure that Bush has all of his stuff out.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
SHARPTON: And that we changed the locks on the door, so none of his crowd can come back.
[...]
And finally:
QUESTION: You guys seem to get to know each other fairly well. I'd be curious to find out, if you could pick one of your fellow candidates to party with, which you would choose. But keeping in mind, partying isn't just, you know, who do you think can shake their groove thing.
(LAUGHTER)
I mean, we're talking, who's going to be loyal to you? Who is going to stand by your side? If you get sick, who's going to hold your hair back?
(LAUGHTER)
QUESTION: Second of all...
(APPLAUSE)
There's more. There's more to it. Who's going to be a team player, you know, if you--imagine if you were single again. If you see a cutie across the room...
(LAUGHTER)
...who's going to be your wing man? Who's going to take one for the team?
COOPER: Senator Lieberman?
LIEBERMAN: I hope my wife understands this. I'd like to party with the young lady who asked that question.
(LAUGHTER)
You're good.
COOPER: Reverend Sharpton?
SHARPTON: I hope mine understands it. Probably the best person I've met to campaign, to party with--Mrs. Kerry. I'm sorry.
(APPLAUSE)
KERRY: I was going to choose Carol Moseley Braun, but now I'm going to have to choose you so I can keep an eye on my wife.
2nd Alternate Title: Al Warms-Up For Hosting Saturday Night Live
COOPER: Changing the subject a little bit, Governor Dean, I know you took a year off after college, spent a little time skiing. Is that something you would recommend for college graduates?
DEAN: When I was 20 years old, I was a junior in a college in New Haven, Connecticut. And I was totally turned off politics. I thought that the President of the United States was a crook, which turned out to be right. It was Richard Nixon.
[...]
(The moderator earlier joked that some young adults watching the debate would drink a shot every time one of them repeated a catch phrase.)
COOPER: Reverend Sharpton, A CNN-USA Today-Gallup poll just last week showed that young people, 18 to 29, are actually more conservative than their parents. And, actually, 61 or 62 percent of them said they agree with the job George Bush is doing.
What are the Democrats doing wrong?
SHARPTON: Well, I think that first of all, a lot of young people don't understand what George Bush is doing. And a lot of them have been confused because a lot of the Democrats have played this game of trying to be Republican-like.
I say that we've been...
(APPLAUSE)
I think that we've had too many elephants running around in donkey jackets that are not real Democrats. When we stand up...
COOPER: By the way, I think someone's drinking right now, because I think I heard that before.
(LAUGHTER)
SHARPTON: Well, while they're gulping, let me give you another two lines. Anyway...
[...]
QUESTION: My question is for Reverend Sharpton, though I'd love to hear from the other candidates as well.
My question is this. What's the first thing going through your head the morning you wake up in the White House?
SHARPTON: Well, I think the first thing going through my head would be to make sure that Bush has all of his stuff out.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
SHARPTON: And that we changed the locks on the door, so none of his crowd can come back.
[...]
And finally:
QUESTION: You guys seem to get to know each other fairly well. I'd be curious to find out, if you could pick one of your fellow candidates to party with, which you would choose. But keeping in mind, partying isn't just, you know, who do you think can shake their groove thing.
(LAUGHTER)
I mean, we're talking, who's going to be loyal to you? Who is going to stand by your side? If you get sick, who's going to hold your hair back?
(LAUGHTER)
QUESTION: Second of all...
(APPLAUSE)
There's more. There's more to it. Who's going to be a team player, you know, if you--imagine if you were single again. If you see a cutie across the room...
(LAUGHTER)
...who's going to be your wing man? Who's going to take one for the team?
COOPER: Senator Lieberman?
LIEBERMAN: I hope my wife understands this. I'd like to party with the young lady who asked that question.
(LAUGHTER)
You're good.
COOPER: Reverend Sharpton?
SHARPTON: I hope mine understands it. Probably the best person I've met to campaign, to party with--Mrs. Kerry. I'm sorry.
(APPLAUSE)
KERRY: I was going to choose Carol Moseley Braun, but now I'm going to have to choose you so I can keep an eye on my wife.
November 04, 2003
Contest Winner / Photo
The winner of the latest "Name the Song" contest is Ralph with "Dr. Dre Rolls Through Smurf Village." I'll upload the song and a few others soon.
Here is a photo I was going to put on the Austerely-Titled Photos page, until I opened that page in Dreamweaver and was reminded of my amateurish attempt to make my amateurish photos pop up in a professional-looking window. Let us ignore the question of why I can type "javascript window popup tutorial" much easier here than in Google.
Here is a photo I was going to put on the Austerely-Titled Photos page, until I opened that page in Dreamweaver and was reminded of my amateurish attempt to make my amateurish photos pop up in a professional-looking window. Let us ignore the question of why I can type "javascript window popup tutorial" much easier here than in Google.
November 03, 2003
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