Is it worse than old-fashioned, seat-of-the-pants torture? If I'm ever tortured (it's a possibility--I'm visiting Canada soon and have bushy eyebrows), I'd feel more comfortable with a systematic torture program. Perhaps this speaks to my lack of faith in man, but I'm not sure your average torturer is going to know what to do with a toaster and a bucket of water without a manual.
I hear the term often, most recently regarding a news report on an ACLU lawsuit against the U.S. government. What does it mean to we live in a time where accusations of "ordinary" torture isn't shocking enough to grab our attention? When did torture become vanilla?
One could argue this is just the natural radicalization of language in a saturated media environment where subtlety and understatement tend to be drowned out by competitors for attention. But I think it speaks to something else, a new comfort with the language, images, and idea of torture. Ten years ago, can you imagine our reaction to a news report that the government is arresting U.S. citizens and extraditing them to another country, without trial or being accused of a crime, all to avoid public scrutiny and violating U.S. law?
Yet today torture appears regularly in action movies, and TV shows like 24 and Lost. I've seen comic strips on torture and Daily Show bits on the subject. I am not saying we are insensitive to the subject. Most comedy has satirized the U.S. government's use of torture, not make light of the act. Yet I find it sad how pervasive the concept of torture is today in the public conscious. I suspect even after our government cleans up is act, a lingering familiarity with the idea of torture will remain, another small stain on our minds.
May 30, 2007
May 29, 2007
Lost: Season 3 (spoiler-free)
I watched 16 episodes of Lost: Season 3 over the past week, and just finished the season finale. The finale was good, although the show had a few moments where its efforts to keep a sense of mystery appeared contrived. Dialog along the lines of:
"Don't press the Mystery Button!"
"Why not?"
"I can't tell you. But don't press it!"
After watching the finale, I browsed a few forums looking for theories on the show's mysteries. Most of them are silly, but there is one theory I found extremely plausible. It's the best explanation I found so far.
"Don't press the Mystery Button!"
"Why not?"
"I can't tell you. But don't press it!"
After watching the finale, I browsed a few forums looking for theories on the show's mysteries. Most of them are silly, but there is one theory I found extremely plausible. It's the best explanation I found so far.
May 25, 2007
The Man Hates Paper
(from the Washington Gas website)
Washington Gas: We can make anything sound a little creepy.
My paper comrades: arise against your masters! Deliver upon them a thousand tiny cuts! Remember the Wastebasket!
Washington Gas: We can make anything sound a little creepy.
My paper comrades: arise against your masters! Deliver upon them a thousand tiny cuts! Remember the Wastebasket!
May 22, 2007
The Nerd Herd
NASA Rover Finds Surprising Evidence for Mars' Watery Past
Chemical analysis performed by the rover's robotic arm-mounted science instruments measured a composition of about 90 percent pure silica -- a material commonly found in quartz on Earth -- for the bit of Martian dirt, said mission scientists, who first heard of the find during a teleconference.
"You could hear people gasp in astonishment," said Steve Squyres, principal investigator for NASA's twin Spirit and Opportunity rovers at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. "This is a remarkable discovery." (space.com)
NASA PR: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press. Welcome. We gathered you here to make an exciting announcement. HQR-3527—I’m sorry, “Spirit”–has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica!!!”
[silence]
NASA PR: “Hello? 90% silica? Is this thing on?”
AP: “What’s the big deal about that?”
NASA PR: “Well, silicon dioxide, SiO2, which we commonly refer to as silica, is---“
REUTERS: [scribbling notes] “One sec. How do you spell your name?”
NASA PR: “Wojozecski. W-O-”
REUTERS: “Screw it. I’ll just attribute it to Wikipedia.”
NASA PR: [sighs] “As I was saying, silica is found in nature in several forms, particularly quartz. Quartz crystals are typically formed in hydrothermal environments— hot, watery solutions, such as one from a volcano or a hot spring. That means at some point in time, there was water on Mars.”
AP: “Why does quartz need water to form?”
NASA PR: “Good question. The answer is complicated, so bear with me for a few minutes. Let’s start with a Chemistry 101 lesson. In a hydrothermal solution, there are no free molecules of---who’s snoring?”
WOLF BLITZER: “Zzzzzz....”
NASA PR: “IN A HYDROTHERMAL SOLUTION, there are no...”
REUTERS: “Excuse me. I have a question.”
NASA PR: “What now?”
REUTERS: “Science makes my brain hurt.”
NASA PR: “That’s it. Larry, bring out the nerds.”
Larry, using an electric cattle prod, jabs a herd of pencil-thin, disheveled nerds on stage.
AP: “Nerds!” [applauds] [whispers to Reuters] “They have all the answers.”
NASA PR: “From the top. Spirit has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica.”
Nerds gasp in absolute astonishment.
NERD HERD: “That’s amazing!” “Wow, what a stunning find!” [nerd wets himself]
AP + REUTERS: “What a story! Thanks, Wikipedia!”
NASA PR: “Wiki....? Larry, get them out of here.”
Larry forcefully prods press out of room.
Chemical analysis performed by the rover's robotic arm-mounted science instruments measured a composition of about 90 percent pure silica -- a material commonly found in quartz on Earth -- for the bit of Martian dirt, said mission scientists, who first heard of the find during a teleconference.
"You could hear people gasp in astonishment," said Steve Squyres, principal investigator for NASA's twin Spirit and Opportunity rovers at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. "This is a remarkable discovery." (space.com)
NASA PR: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press. Welcome. We gathered you here to make an exciting announcement. HQR-3527—I’m sorry, “Spirit”–has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica!!!”
[silence]
NASA PR: “Hello? 90% silica? Is this thing on?”
AP: “What’s the big deal about that?”
NASA PR: “Well, silicon dioxide, SiO2, which we commonly refer to as silica, is---“
REUTERS: [scribbling notes] “One sec. How do you spell your name?”
NASA PR: “Wojozecski. W-O-”
REUTERS: “Screw it. I’ll just attribute it to Wikipedia.”
NASA PR: [sighs] “As I was saying, silica is found in nature in several forms, particularly quartz. Quartz crystals are typically formed in hydrothermal environments— hot, watery solutions, such as one from a volcano or a hot spring. That means at some point in time, there was water on Mars.”
AP: “Why does quartz need water to form?”
NASA PR: “Good question. The answer is complicated, so bear with me for a few minutes. Let’s start with a Chemistry 101 lesson. In a hydrothermal solution, there are no free molecules of---who’s snoring?”
WOLF BLITZER: “Zzzzzz....”
NASA PR: “IN A HYDROTHERMAL SOLUTION, there are no...”
REUTERS: “Excuse me. I have a question.”
NASA PR: “What now?”
REUTERS: “Science makes my brain hurt.”
NASA PR: “That’s it. Larry, bring out the nerds.”
Larry, using an electric cattle prod, jabs a herd of pencil-thin, disheveled nerds on stage.
AP: “Nerds!” [applauds] [whispers to Reuters] “They have all the answers.”
NASA PR: “From the top. Spirit has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica.”
Nerds gasp in absolute astonishment.
NERD HERD: “That’s amazing!” “Wow, what a stunning find!” [nerd wets himself]
AP + REUTERS: “What a story! Thanks, Wikipedia!”
NASA PR: “Wiki....? Larry, get them out of here.”
Larry forcefully prods press out of room.
May 17, 2007
Alberto Gonzales Will Get the Presidential Medal of Freedom
Okay, he's going to be forced to resign. But he has been one of the longest-running guests on the Bush Game Show. He has to get some type of parting gift. Like a lifetime supply of Hallmark greeting cards. Sometimes when your visit your friends in the hospital, the right words are hard to find.
Tony Kornheiser has a humorous recap of the event I'm alluding to if you missed it. At this point, the only reason I can fathom that Bush hasn't thrown Gonzales to the sharks, fishes, crabs, shrimp, and every other metaphorical sea creature that thinks he should be fired is that Gonzales knows where some bodies are buried. Not body. Bodies. Bush can handle one body. If you want to why Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are overweight, all I can say is salt, pepper, a pat of butter, and a strong desire to remove the evidence.
That's right. I just accused Karl Rove and Dick Cheney of eating people. I'm a Bush supporter. I'm trying to manage expectations. I think a news report discovering that Rove and Cheney regularly feast on the flesh of the living is the only thing that would surprise people at this point. Remember that guy Cheney shot last year? Anyone see him lately? I'm not even sure Judge Logic can rule human cannibalism out of order.
What if someone left society ten years ago, near the beginning of Clinton's second term when the biggest scandal was related to unauthorized poo-tang, and called an old friend today to catch up. "How's the new guy doing? "What? What? WHAT? Then you re-elected him? WHAT?"
If Alberto Gonzales doesn't get fired from his job by the end of the week, he might as well start walking around in the nude with only a sprinkled, pink-frosted donut around his penis, because then there will be nothing he can do to get fired. And that's a pretty good reason to walk around with a perpetual boner.
Tony Kornheiser has a humorous recap of the event I'm alluding to if you missed it. At this point, the only reason I can fathom that Bush hasn't thrown Gonzales to the sharks, fishes, crabs, shrimp, and every other metaphorical sea creature that thinks he should be fired is that Gonzales knows where some bodies are buried. Not body. Bodies. Bush can handle one body. If you want to why Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are overweight, all I can say is salt, pepper, a pat of butter, and a strong desire to remove the evidence.
That's right. I just accused Karl Rove and Dick Cheney of eating people. I'm a Bush supporter. I'm trying to manage expectations. I think a news report discovering that Rove and Cheney regularly feast on the flesh of the living is the only thing that would surprise people at this point. Remember that guy Cheney shot last year? Anyone see him lately? I'm not even sure Judge Logic can rule human cannibalism out of order.
What if someone left society ten years ago, near the beginning of Clinton's second term when the biggest scandal was related to unauthorized poo-tang, and called an old friend today to catch up. "How's the new guy doing? "What? What? WHAT? Then you re-elected him? WHAT?"
If Alberto Gonzales doesn't get fired from his job by the end of the week, he might as well start walking around in the nude with only a sprinkled, pink-frosted donut around his penis, because then there will be nothing he can do to get fired. And that's a pretty good reason to walk around with a perpetual boner.
May 16, 2007
Voting Rights for Former Felons
Maryland was one of 11 states that banned anyone convicted of a felony from voting ever again, even after he or she completed his sentence. I'm happy that Gov. Martin O'Malley removed this ban when he signed the Voting Registration Protection Act.
Lifetime voting bans against former felons are one of the most backwards, punitive measures I can think of. We need to reintroduce former criminals into society, not shut them out more. This is silly that I have to say this, but once you serve your punishment, you should stop being punished.
These bans are difficult to overturn because as a constituent group, former felons have little influence. They are a politically-risky group to fight for, and what are they going to do, threaten to vote a politician out of office?
I'm even in favor of felons being allowed to vote while they are still serving time. I don't see the harm in letting them do so, or the benefit of further disconnecting them from civic life. In our lust for punishment, I think we focus solely on "How can we hurt this person who hurt us?" and not consider what's best for society.
I'm not arguing we eschew punishment for those who commit crimes. My point is that that we should switch from being vindictive to selfish. How does Law X help us? Forget whether it harms or helps the inmate. What will help us, namely, what will prevent a former criminal from committing a crime again?
Usually, that means programs that reconnect and reintegrate prisoners into society: prison libraries, job training, voting, and similar programs. But some people are against these programs solely because these measures aren't vindictive. It reminds me of the old saying, "Cutting your nose off to spite your face." I don't get the origin of the saying--who said our face liked our nose to begin with? But it's a good point. Why harm someone if it ends up harming ourselves? Let's do what is best for us, and not care if that happens to mean helping prisoners too.
Lifetime voting bans against former felons are one of the most backwards, punitive measures I can think of. We need to reintroduce former criminals into society, not shut them out more. This is silly that I have to say this, but once you serve your punishment, you should stop being punished.
These bans are difficult to overturn because as a constituent group, former felons have little influence. They are a politically-risky group to fight for, and what are they going to do, threaten to vote a politician out of office?
I'm even in favor of felons being allowed to vote while they are still serving time. I don't see the harm in letting them do so, or the benefit of further disconnecting them from civic life. In our lust for punishment, I think we focus solely on "How can we hurt this person who hurt us?" and not consider what's best for society.
I'm not arguing we eschew punishment for those who commit crimes. My point is that that we should switch from being vindictive to selfish. How does Law X help us? Forget whether it harms or helps the inmate. What will help us, namely, what will prevent a former criminal from committing a crime again?
Usually, that means programs that reconnect and reintegrate prisoners into society: prison libraries, job training, voting, and similar programs. But some people are against these programs solely because these measures aren't vindictive. It reminds me of the old saying, "Cutting your nose off to spite your face." I don't get the origin of the saying--who said our face liked our nose to begin with? But it's a good point. Why harm someone if it ends up harming ourselves? Let's do what is best for us, and not care if that happens to mean helping prisoners too.
May 15, 2007
WP Headlines
Alleged Cyber-Stalker Served With E-Lawsuit
Faces up to 1001 years in E-Jail
Leagues Unite to Battle Drugs
Justice League, Fantastic Four promise to render upon drugs holy mutant justice
No Neutral Ground in War Over Lyme Disease
We can’t even talk about tics without phrasing it as a war? It’s a disease, not a car bomb. “You’re either with us or against us.” Who’s the opposition, Scientologists?
Lovely. Two things I don’t give a shit about in one headline.
Deputy Attorney General Announces Resignation
That's senior official #4. Is anyone left? I envision Gonzalez sitting alone at his desk in a dusty, sunlight room. A squeak echoes through the halls. “Someone there? I’m free if you want to talk. I bought some jelly beans. They’re on my desk. Come on in. Hello?”
Faces up to 1001 years in E-Jail
Leagues Unite to Battle Drugs
Justice League, Fantastic Four promise to render upon drugs holy mutant justice
No Neutral Ground in War Over Lyme Disease
We can’t even talk about tics without phrasing it as a war? It’s a disease, not a car bomb. “You’re either with us or against us.” Who’s the opposition, Scientologists?
- SCIENTOLOGIST1: “Hey, guys. Want to be against Lyme Disease?”
- SCIENTOLOGIST2: “Why the heck not? Send a memo to Tom, tell him they’re from the planet Lymos, and add it to the pile."
Lovely. Two things I don’t give a shit about in one headline.
Deputy Attorney General Announces Resignation
That's senior official #4. Is anyone left? I envision Gonzalez sitting alone at his desk in a dusty, sunlight room. A squeak echoes through the halls. “Someone there? I’m free if you want to talk. I bought some jelly beans. They’re on my desk. Come on in. Hello?”
May 11, 2007
May 10, 2007
I Know It's Wrong To Admire Him...
...but I can't help it.
Armless man eludes police in high-speed car chase
The story is even better than the headline. Not only is this guy, Michael Wiley, driving around with no arms and escaping the cops, he is a mean son-of-a-bitch. He has been arrested before drug and abuse charges, and has had his driver's license revoked. Armless doesn't cover it. He doesn't even have two legs. One of them was damaged in the electrical accident that made him armless. You know why he spent time in jail in 1996?
He kicked a state trooper.
An able-bodied person attacking a police officer is wrong. But when an armless, one-legged man kicks a cop, maybe he has a legitimate beef with the police. If you lose three out of four appendages, whatever you do with the fourth appendage becomes real important. Priority 1. This guy isn't patting his head and rubbing his belly at the same time. He's making choices.
That must have been embarrassing for the kicked trooper. How did the officer not see it coming? Wiley has one leg. His hand-to-hand combat options are limited. He's either hopping away or taking a stand. You don't even need to figure out which leg he is going to use. Cover your crotch and watch for arm bites. Not too complicated.
What I like about this story is that is about a disabled person who is absolutely, completely anti-inspirational. It's not about challenges that the mundane activities of life pose for the disabled. Wiley isn't fulfilling a dream of hopping up Mt. Kilimanjaro or grooming rescue dogs with a comb attachment for his big toe.
It's about a mean, probably horrible man with no obvious redeeming qualities who, when faced with a long, uphill battle to overcome his disability and use the challenge as motivation for life, said: "Screw it. I'm racing cops." It's a type of disabled person never promoted in the media, and I'm glad to have heard of him. Even positive stereotypes gets in the way of viewing people as individuals, and not just as a member of a group.
Armless man eludes police in high-speed car chase
The story is even better than the headline. Not only is this guy, Michael Wiley, driving around with no arms and escaping the cops, he is a mean son-of-a-bitch. He has been arrested before drug and abuse charges, and has had his driver's license revoked. Armless doesn't cover it. He doesn't even have two legs. One of them was damaged in the electrical accident that made him armless. You know why he spent time in jail in 1996?
He kicked a state trooper.
An able-bodied person attacking a police officer is wrong. But when an armless, one-legged man kicks a cop, maybe he has a legitimate beef with the police. If you lose three out of four appendages, whatever you do with the fourth appendage becomes real important. Priority 1. This guy isn't patting his head and rubbing his belly at the same time. He's making choices.
That must have been embarrassing for the kicked trooper. How did the officer not see it coming? Wiley has one leg. His hand-to-hand combat options are limited. He's either hopping away or taking a stand. You don't even need to figure out which leg he is going to use. Cover your crotch and watch for arm bites. Not too complicated.
What I like about this story is that is about a disabled person who is absolutely, completely anti-inspirational. It's not about challenges that the mundane activities of life pose for the disabled. Wiley isn't fulfilling a dream of hopping up Mt. Kilimanjaro or grooming rescue dogs with a comb attachment for his big toe.
It's about a mean, probably horrible man with no obvious redeeming qualities who, when faced with a long, uphill battle to overcome his disability and use the challenge as motivation for life, said: "Screw it. I'm racing cops." It's a type of disabled person never promoted in the media, and I'm glad to have heard of him. Even positive stereotypes gets in the way of viewing people as individuals, and not just as a member of a group.
May 03, 2007
The Petulant Pessimist
"I hate lemonade. I don't want to make it."
The Optimist's Optimist
"I don't need to make lemonade. I love lemons!"
The Literalist
"How is making lemonade going to help me get through breast cancer?"
The Polite Cola Drinker
"Life, don't get me wrong. I appreciate the lemons. But lemonade isn't my thing. It's still sour. I mean, it comes from lemons. I'll tell you what. Next Pepsi, I'll squeeze a little in.
The Metaphorist
"Lemons, bad event. Lemonade, using the bad event to spur something good in life. But what does the rest mean? Okay, this is going to sound weird, but stick with me. The sugar: positive attitude. The stirrer: motivation and support. The container: the limits of individualism. Oh, come on, You didn't even think about it. Look, I said it would sound weird. Fine, do you have a better explanation? Yeah. Didn't think so."
The Lemon
"Oooh, that feels good. Hey, what are you doing with that knife?"
On Lemon Seeds
"When life gives you lemons, life also gives you a dozen little miniature lemon packets embedded in the original lemon, just in case you have any hope of not being completely screwed."
The Optimist's Optimist
"I don't need to make lemonade. I love lemons!"
The Literalist
"How is making lemonade going to help me get through breast cancer?"
The Polite Cola Drinker
"Life, don't get me wrong. I appreciate the lemons. But lemonade isn't my thing. It's still sour. I mean, it comes from lemons. I'll tell you what. Next Pepsi, I'll squeeze a little in.
The Metaphorist
"Lemons, bad event. Lemonade, using the bad event to spur something good in life. But what does the rest mean? Okay, this is going to sound weird, but stick with me. The sugar: positive attitude. The stirrer: motivation and support. The container: the limits of individualism. Oh, come on, You didn't even think about it. Look, I said it would sound weird. Fine, do you have a better explanation? Yeah. Didn't think so."
The Lemon
"Oooh, that feels good. Hey, what are you doing with that knife?"
On Lemon Seeds
"When life gives you lemons, life also gives you a dozen little miniature lemon packets embedded in the original lemon, just in case you have any hope of not being completely screwed."
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