I stutter, sometimes severely. Last week I was introducing myself and I had at least a 15-second block on my name, Jason: “J-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-…” Midway through, she said, “Well, whatever your name is, it’s nice to meet you.” (I kept on going. My philosophy is that if my pants are down, I might as well go all the way and moon the person.)
It’s times like this that make me want to cut my losses. “My name is Ja-a-a-a-a-a-a-…Jay. My name is Jay.” Or perhaps I could go German (Ja) or trendy (J!).
If the courts allow me, I could even change my name to a hand signal. “Hi. My name is” [infinity sign around nipples, one ass slap, hands on hips] Acquaintances could introduce me to their friends. “Mark, this is…I’m sorry, I’m having a brain fart. How many ass slaps is it?”
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