Lying About Robots College

I called Montgomery College's bookstore, located in Maryland, a few days ago. The voicemail rattled off a list of choices. Just as I was about to press '2' and miss the opportunity of a lifetime, I heard,

"Press 0 to speak to an automated attendant."

Automated attendant? A robot! The future is here! I almost ejaculated over my collection of Issac Asimov books. 0, 0, 0!

"There is no automated attendant this time."

Hold on a minute. Now, I don't know a lot about robots. But I do know that they work 23/7, with an hour to lube them and to check that they haven't gone crazy.

Do you see what MC is doing? They're posing regular employees as robots and, we can deduce, forcing them to talk in stilted voices and wave their arms in a worried manner.

That's wrong for robots, and even more wrong for non-robots. It's also something I cannot watch while sitting idly by.

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Dear Ms. Tammy Shawver,

I recently called your bookstore and was shocked, surprised, saddened, chagrined, flummoxed, and anti-delighted to find that you tease customers with the siren's call of the future but do not indeed deliver.

I am of course talking about your claim to "Press 0 to speak to an automated attendant", i.e. a robot. Yet when I pressed 0--repeatedly--the promised robot was not to be found.

I ask you, where is the robot? Where is Tibor, Robby, R2D2, Data, Number 5, Crow T., Gorog, or Vicki? Where is the rigid thinking, the tender humanity? The beeps, the boops, and most of all, the blips.

This is the moment to define yourself. Are you Montgomery College, or Lying About Robots College? Do you have a B.S. in engineering, or a B.A. in BS? Do you have a master's degree in truth, or an honorary doctorate in deception?

Please employ real robots in your store as soon as possible. Robots are our friends and we should not deny them a place in our society. I AM NOT A NUT. Nuts don't realize the possibility that they are nuts.

Sincerely,
Cashew Johnson