Music Bridge

My first modern MP3 was a first-generation IPod shuffle that I got free after signing up for a credit card. I used ITunes and mostly downloaded podcasts, but got annoyed that it didn't remove dead links from my library. For example, if you move a directory with mp3s on your hard drive, ITunes will then list the title twice, one with the broken link that doesn't work and one with the working link (after you manually re-add it to your library).

The Mac version of ITunes automatically deletes links. The whole enterprise is a giant F U to Microsoft Windows.

That is why when I got cheap non-Apple MP3 player #2, I switched over to Windows Media Player. WMP automatically deletes old links, has a nicer user interface, and is better at monitoring for new content. It does everything! Except support podcasts, which over 50% of MP3 player owners listen to (source: like I have to tell you. It's obviously made up.)

Okay. I'll open ITunes to download podcasts, and then open WMP to transfer them to my MP3 player. That worked fine until I bought MP3 player #3, a first-generation Microsoft Zune on sale for $105. It's great...except it doesn't work with ITunes or WMP. In a giant F U to Microsoft Windows, Microsoft Zune doesn't work with the company's own flagship media player. It only works with Zune Player!, which looks exactly like WMP except it is black and a little more difficult to use.

Why am I telling you this? For your own benefit! I finally broke down and searched for some third-party programs to handle this mess.

Music Bridge This program copies metadata such as playlists and ratings between ITunes and WMP. You can rate a song in either program and have the rating show up in both libraries. It doesn't work yet with Zune Player! metadata though.

ITunes Library Updates If you run the Windows version of ITunes, this program will comb your entire library and remove the dead links in it.

Am I missing any neat programs out there?

The Big Organization Project

When I reinstalled Windows several months ago, all of my old computer files--photos, music, programs, writing--were copied into a backup directory. The internal structure was still a mess, as I got into the bad habit of saving files all over the place rather than in a dedicated directory.

After that point, I continued to save photos, songs, notes to myself and so on in many different directories, but not in any of the previously created different directories in the backup folder. In addition, these files were spread over two hard drives on an ad hoc basis.

Finally, I still have some even older computer files from a previous upgrade in a sub-directory of the previously mentioned backup directory.

The short of it is that my file system is impenetrable to any hacker sniffing for sensitive data. My comedy writing, a prime target for any thief looking for wisps of thoughts and half-written jokes, are scattered in at least eight different directories and in files with names like these: ideas.doc, Journal.doc, monkey.doc, Mr.doc, and notes.doc (all of these are from just one directory). The name "Notes" is my favorite. I have close to 100 non work-related MS Word files with 'notes' in the file name. Go ahead, hackers. Try and find the bit I started on Chick-Fil-A but never finished.

I realized this was a problem today when I was looking for an old resume and couldn't find it, along with most of the data to reconstruct my job history. I'm taking a few days to reorganize every single file I have. It is also a fine excuse to avoid creating a new resume.

This has the added bonus that I will probably be writing often in the next few days, so I can avoid the organization project that I am doing to avoid writing a resume, which incidentally I wanted to do to avoid writing a blog post.

Wait a minute...

Windows XP: Speed up menus

The default settings for Windows XP inserts a brief delay every time you open up a menu or sub-menu. I reduced the delay a few hours ago, and it has made a noticeable difference. Those milliseconds add up! I'm going to use the time I saved to eat an apple.

Step-by-step instructions:

1. Click on Start, then Run (right column, bottom).

2. Type "regedit", click OK. The registry editor will open.

3. Press Ctrl-F. This opens the search menu. Search for MenuShowDelay.

4. Right-click on "MenuShowDelay". Select Modify.

5. The default value is 400 (milliseconds). Change it to a smaller number and click OK. I suggest 100.

6. That's it. You will have to log off or reboot for the change to take effect.

6b. If you really want to piss off someone, follow the above instructions but use 2,000 instead of 100.

Haloscan Makes Me Feel Good

I like how Haloscan says "Comment successfully posted" after sending a comment. It makes me feel like when I had to bounce a rubber ball in preschool 20 times in a row as part of a hand-eye coordination test, and I did it! That was the day the extra cup of juice was mine.

More computer programs should be like that. When you turn on your computer, the first message shouldn't be "File corrupted" or "ERROR at 07DE:0850" (I use Windows) but "Nice job pressing that power button!" Starting Photoshop: "Who's that cutie opening me up?" Deleting a file: "Did you do that all by yourself? Good job!"

And, most important of all, the 3.5 in. disk drive should be replaced with a cookie dispenser. Separate juice holder unneccessary. That's what CD-ROM drives are for.

Firefox Go Vroom Vroom

How to make Firefox a lot faster in less than three minutes [via] ([via] also from [via]).

It makes a huge difference with certain web pages. Like this one.

(Note: This will be the first and last time I ever link to freerepublic.com.)

Link Survey

Several years ago, a design class I took in college convinced me underlining words for emphasis is a horrible idea. I turned off underlining of links in my web browser, and after a short adjustment period, found it made web pages more aesthetic and eye-pleasing.

I rarely use other people's computers, but when I do (and links are underlined) the difference is shocking. Link-heavy sites like The Washington Post are now almost unreadable.

So I have a few questions and a suggestion. Do you have your web browser set to underline links? If not, what prompted you to switch? If you do, try turning the feature off and go sans-undies for a day. Give yourself time to adjust and let me know if you like it better.

You can find the setting in most broswers by going to Tools->Options and then selecting "Fonts & Colors" (in Firefox, the best broswer out there) and Advanced->Browsing in IE.

How To Make Adobe Acrobat Reader Load Faster

1. Install Adobe Reader 6.0 and notice where it is installed.
2. Navigate to that folder in Explorer, locate the plug_ins subfolder and rename this folder to plug_ins_disabled.
3. Create a new plug_ins folder.
4. Move the files EWH32.api, printme.api and search.api from plug_ins_disabled to plug_ins

(link)

Gee-Mail

My first impression of Gmail, Google's email service currently in a beta test to select Internet cognoscenti like myself, is that it is the third Musketeer in paper, scissors, and rocks. It's fast, well-designed, and comes with a gigabyte of space.

You need an invite to get an account. I got mine by begging a stranger, but Pancake City is a place of dignity, so if you want an account just let me know in the comments. I have six invites, but since this site only has five readers that shouldn't be a problem.

...

On returning home after a visit with my sister, I found that the equivalent of a computer hurricane hit my household. Our DSL connection was wrecked and some computer application I installed wiped out my bookmarks, email settings, and other formerly stalwart programs.

Evidentially, the DSL line stopped working on Saturday, and when my roommate leapt into action (Monday) the service technician told him to reset the router. This is the equivalent of a doctor telling a patient with skin cancer to wash off the sunscreen so he can get a better look at the problem. A fine suggestion, assuming at that point the doctor doesn't give out the window and yell, "sucks!" or the patient realizes sunscreen is good and tries to re-apply it to himself.

In short, I have a lot to post, but it will take me a day to get everything back to normal.

Sending Ripples Through The Pond

Even though Google's free email service, Gmail, is still in its beta stage and unavailable to the general public, it is already affecting its competitors. Yahoo! announced today that it is raising the storage limit on its free acconts from 5 mb to 100 mb and its attachment limit from 2 mb to 10 mb. Google offers 1 gig of storage.

While Yahoo! still offers an upgraded account with 2 gigs, they have acknowledged the obvious: no one is going to be making money from offering more email storage from now on. I'll be shocked if Hotmail doesn't follow Yahoo!'s lead in the next few weeks. It's inconvenience to switch email accounts, but 998 extra megabytes of storage and a spam-free account (at least for the first days) does a lot to quell inconvenience.

Five Things I Learned Today

1. One Lender's onion bagel for breakfast is delicious. Two is absolutely disgusting.

2. To make a new line within a cell in Microsoft Excel, press Alt-Enter.

3. A person can get used to a lot of things, like a faucet that gives cold water when turned left, hot water when turned right. Or, in this case, wrong.

4. An inkling of the health measures the porn industry takes to prevent disease from unprotected sex (although I still don't understand why the average life span of a porn actor isn't 27.)

5. I didn't learn five things today.

Holy Sxhit

My keyboard is working again. This is very cool. I was leafing through the Best Buy ad to see if they had a sale on keyboards. I feel like Sam in LotR after Shelob poisoned Frodo and he left the comatose Frodo for dead. How could I think my keyboard could actually die? What a foolish thought. My keyboard, the voice of the hands, is like a grizzled soldier, its keys encrusted with the gunk from a 1000 papers. I love you keyboard! Not enough to clean you, but, like the raven, I will bang the enter key nevermore.

sxhit

I sxpil.l.ed winme onm nmy keyvboardl anmd I c,anm't writel. I feel. l.ike nmy hajnmdsx hagvbe vbeenm c,ut offl. Nmy worl.d isx l.inmited to l.ittl.e hol.esx where nmic,e c,anm c,raw[l. throughl. Wil.l. posxt agaijnm onmc,e I vbuy a keyvboardl. Thisx isx nmot a jokel. I anm pisxsxed offl. It wasx good wijnmec, tool. I'vbe sxpil.l.ed tonmxs of l.iquidsx onm nmy keyvboard vbeforel. Why dikd it hagvbe to givbe up nmow?

Heh heh

Louisiana's Senate State Secretary Mike Bauer got caught sending pornographic jokes to his friends and other staffers from the office computer. He says he tried to delete the horrible material but accidentally forwarded the jokes. I love the sly dig in this quote:

"Hines said the Senate's human resources office is heading the investigation and will look into whether one key stroke could have linked several e-mails of jokes into one message and forwarded it."

If only he pressed Ctrl-D instead of Ctrl-A-F2-T-T-T-CC-S-Yes-Damnit.

Most Interesting Washington Post.com Error Message Ever

Inconsistent cookie, primary != me

"Why Do Pants Fall Down?" and Other Great Hits

Those crazy Swedes. They've written a program that converts what you type into a song. The program maps each word to a sound clip of the word being sung by a musician and stitches the clips together.

Google, You Roolgle

I finally got tired of typing Google's site address and downloaded their toolbar . It's awesome. Something as simple as a popup blocker makes a big difference. It also has a "PageRank" icon that shows "Google's measure on the importance of this page" out of a scale of 10, which is a horrible, horrible thing for neurotic people who can't help comparing themselves to others.

Too Much Time on my Hands

In an attempt to test the bounds of knowledge on the Internet, I tried to find a photo of Hitler eating a baby. I was unsuccessful. But I did find an essay by high school creationists Kimmi and Kerri ("Hitler believes in evolution!") and a photo of Hitler's arms finally having enough and trying to overthrow him via a beatdown.

The Turning Test, yet to be passed by a computer, is often cited as a way to determine if a machine or network has human-like intelligence. I propose a different method: the Hitler-Eating-a-Baby Test. If you can say, "Computer, give me a picture of Hitler eating a baby," and the computer produces one, then it's one smart-ass computer.

Especially if Hitler's eyes are crossed.

Lying About Robots College

I called Montgomery College's bookstore, located in Maryland, a few days ago. The voicemail rattled off a list of choices. Just as I was about to press '2' and miss the opportunity of a lifetime, I heard,

"Press 0 to speak to an automated attendant."

Automated attendant? A robot! The future is here! I almost ejaculated over my collection of Issac Asimov books. 0, 0, 0!

"There is no automated attendant this time."

Hold on a minute. Now, I don't know a lot about robots. But I do know that they work 23/7, with an hour to lube them and to check that they haven't gone crazy.

Do you see what MC is doing? They're posing regular employees as robots and, we can deduce, forcing them to talk in stilted voices and wave their arms in a worried manner.

That's wrong for robots, and even more wrong for non-robots. It's also something I cannot watch while sitting idly by.

"
Subject: 01000001001000000110001101101111011011010111
00000110110001100001011010010110111001110100
[translate]

Dear Ms. Tammy Shawver,

I recently called your bookstore and was shocked, surprised, saddened, chagrined, flummoxed, and anti-delighted to find that you tease customers with the siren's call of the future but do not indeed deliver.

I am of course talking about your claim to "Press 0 to speak to an automated attendant", i.e. a robot. Yet when I pressed 0--repeatedly--the promised robot was not to be found.

I ask you, where is the robot? Where is Tibor, Robby, R2D2, Data, Number 5, Crow T., Gorog, or Vicki? Where is the rigid thinking, the tender humanity? The beeps, the boops, and most of all, the blips.

This is the moment to define yourself. Are you Montgomery College, or Lying About Robots College? Do you have a B.S. in engineering, or a B.A. in BS? Do you have a master's degree in truth, or an honorary doctorate in deception?

Please employ real robots in your store as soon as possible. Robots are our friends and we should not deny them a place in our society. I AM NOT A NUT. Nuts don't realize the possibility that they are nuts.

Sincerely,
Cashew Johnson

Relationship Update #4

THAT CHEATING BASTARD! I borrowed a packet sniffer from a friend at Best Buy and used it to get the password to that site in Brazil I found yesterday. While he was busy cleaning the server logs, I sneaked onto the site. It was the backdoor to a Brazilian IHOP! He was cheating on me with another pancake site.

I printed out the photo and held it to the monitor. “Is this the butter-pecan twink you’ve been fooling around with?” He was all “404” this, and “File Not Found” that, so I pointed him to some of the photos he left in his web cache. That shut him up.

We’re through. I moved all my files out yesterday and took the domain name too. I don’t know where he’s going to keep his files, and I don’t care. I transferred mine to Marcel, an old UNIX box completely devoid of sex appeal. Just how I want it.