A Few Observations About the State of the Union Address

1. When describing how America has killed some terrorists, Bush said: “Let's put it this way: They are no longer a problem to the United States and our friends and allies.”

Bush must have gotten that line from that bad movie he doesn’t want to see again…

BAD GUY1: “What did you do with the school teacher?”
BAD GUY2: “Let’s just say she was…erased.”
BAD GUYS 1+2: “HA HA HA HA HA…”
PIZZA BOY: “Pizza here!”
BAD GUY 1: “Snake, do you have a $20?”
BAD GUY 2: “I’m out Boss.”
BAD GUY 1: “Then escort him outside and make a ‘special delivery.’ ”
BAD GUYS 1+2: “HA HA HA HA HA…”
BAD GUY 1: “Where’d he go?”
PIZZA BOY: [running away] “This pawn isn’t dying for Pizza Castle!”

2. I wish there was a less derogatory way of saying this, but when Laura Bush applauds, she looks like a seal. The way she squishes her face, puffs her chest, and slaps her wrists together in a rainbow—all signs point to seal. Not a trained water park seal, but a natural one, a seal emerging from an icy dip in the ocean and surprised by a 400-watt spotlight shining on her face from a helicopter crammed with gawking tourists.


3. How many times did Congress applaud during the State of the Union address?
a) 26 times
b) 44 times
c) 73 times
d) Not enough! Less talking, more applauding.

4. This headline was on the Washington Post’s web site for half an hour after Bush’s address. “President Brings America To the Brink of War.” A bit of an overstatement, to put it generously.

I wonder if, as a reward for staying up late, the Washington Post lets its editors put up any headline they want for the first half-hour after the speech. I wish I visited the site during the first five minutes…“President Boards Plane to Baghdad, Shoots Big Wad Over Palace of Cad, Makes Dad Glad, Hussein Mad, Peace Protesters Sad?”

Answer to #3: c.