September 16, 2003

Hurricane Isabel is a Pussy

Hurricane Isabel was a Class 5 hurricane. Then a Class 4. Now it's a Class 3, and this overblown Tasmanian devil won't even hit the East Coast for at least three days.

That's why I'm calling you out Isabel. You're a pussy. An overgrown flushing toilet combined with a bunch of warm air. You ain't going to do shit to D.C.

You think I'm playing? Hell no, dawg. I don't have renters insurance. And I ain't getting it. Cause I got my chump goggles on, and the warning light is flashing red when I look to the Atlantic. By the time your swirly ass limps to D.C., you're going to have less gas than Iraq after Haliburton.

I'm 30 miles inland. What'cha gonna do to me, make me wet? I got an umbrella. And it has a duck handle. Biatch.

So bring it on. If you're even able to make it up here. I'll be in the pool, wearing suntan lotion.

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