Simon has a difficult job. All of the contestants on American Idol have developed a knee-jerk reaction to him no matter what he says after their performances.
RANDY: “It didn’t do anything for me, dawg.”
CONTESTANT: “Okay.”
PAULA: “I felt like you over sang the song. I’m sorry. But you’re really beautiful.”
CONTESTANT: “Thank you.”
SIMON: “It was—“
CONTESTANT: “WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME THAT I SUCK? I HAVE BEEN SINGING SINCE I WAS A SPERM AND AN EGG! YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT WHO I AM. I MADE IT THIS FAR AND YOU ARE NOT GOING TO STOP ME! [snaps fingers several times in the motion of an angry fly] [walks of stage to wildly cheering audience]
If I were Simon, I’d be even meaner to these people, like "That would have been great if you were singing out of your ass," or “If this were American Barnyard Animals, you’d be a winner.”
And you know what else? I’m sad that Frenchie got kicked off the show. Go ahead, make fun of me. Reality TV has affected my life and I’m not embarrassed to say it. I even signed a Save Frenchie petition, in spite of the fact that its wording did not fully capture all of the intricacies of the Frenchie situation. “You kicked off Frenchie because she is big. Your going to get something else big if you don’t bring her back: big trouble. And less big ratings.”
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