I'm starting a very irregular feature called Book Notes. I have a poor memory and have trouble remembering the interesting facts or bits of trivia I read in great non-fiction books like Blink or Freakonomics.
Book Notes will be a list of some of these facts and bits of trivia. The first book is For the Love of a Dog by Patricia B. McConnell.
The book is about the science behind the emotional life of dogs. Along the way she ties in a lot of human psychology and retells interesting experiments on dogs and other animals. It is an excellent book for anyone who has a dog, or human/animal psychology in general.
"Wolves will always feed their puppies, even if they themselves are starving. Lions eat first, letting their young starve if there is enough food." (pg 22)
"Behaviorists and trainers hear, almost on a daily basis, that a client's dog must have been abused, because she reacts so fearfully to strangers, However, many of these dogs are just shy, and they aren't any more comfortable around unfamiliar strangers than shy people are." (pg 118)
"Researchers have found that people who express no preference for using one hand or the other have higher than expected levels of generalized anxiety disorders." (pg 119) [Well, of course. They don't know which hand to use.]
"In just a few generations, they'd bred a group of rats who were able to move through a complicated maze in no time, especially compared with the "dull" group, who were bred for their lackluster performance. Only there was one problem--it turned out that the "bright" and "dull" rats weren't at all different in their ability to solve problems. The "dull" rats were simply afraid of new environments, and when placed in one were less likely to explore than the "bright" ones were." (pg 123)
(reworded) Pavlov's motivation for wanting dogs to drool was so he could study the extra-large chromosomes that saliva contains. (pg 147)
"Monkeys can learn to be afraid of snakes just by watching a video of other monkeys acting fearfully around them, but they don't make the same association if you edit the video and replace the snakes with flowers." (pg 151)
"On a lighter side, rats have also been found to produce a vocalization during play that for all the world sounds like the equivalent of human laughter. Biologist Jaak Panksepp found that these chirping noises are associated with responses in the brain correlated with pleasure, that they occur during play, and that they can be elicited, believe it or not, by tickling from human caretakers. The tickled rats even began to seek out their human playmates and became socially bonded to them." (pg 215)
"People whose brains have naturally lower levels of dopamine have trouble feeling that anything is 'enough' to satisfy them, and often indulge in high-risk behavior in a desperate attempt to feel contentment." (pg 215-216)
"...the psychologist Nathan A. Fox found that 'exuberant' four-month-old babies (babies who became especially happy and excited by novel events; about 10 percent of the ones studied) had the same level of joyfulness at seven years of age as in infancy." (pg 216)
"Our perception of happiness even seems to be affected by the biology of sleep/wake cycles. In most people, happiness is highest between four and ten hours after getting up, and lowest at the beginning and end off our day." (pg 216) [She later makes the point that research also suggests we have significant influence on our levels of happiness, outside of our genetic baggage]
"The tendency to feel excited and energized when anticipating something was first discovered by Wolfram Schultz, who trained monkeys to press a lever for a food reward. The experiment included a light that came on right before the food was released. Schultz found that the monkeys' brains had the highest levels of dopamine right after the light came on, but before the food was released. That means that the monkeys were more excited when they were anticipating the food than they were when they actually got it." (pg 221)
"However, in dog language, the direct stare and forward movement is a stopping signal, one that means the opposite of what we intend. Your dog is much more likely to come if you turn your body sideways and move backward a bit while you call 'Come!' " (pg 226)
"Lord knows dogs are an evolutionary success story: just compare the numbers of dogs in any given country with the numbers of wolves." (65 million dogs, a few thousand wolves) (pg 246) (This note is for myself. This passage gave me an idea for a skit that takes place a few hundred years ago. A dog pulls a wolf aside and politely hints that the wolf should start being nicer to humans for his own sake. "DOG: Look, all I'm saying is that they got these things called guns, and it wouldn't hurt to lick their faces one in a while.")
"One researcher taught dogs to select the larger of two objects to get a food treat, regardless of the shape or composition of the object." (pg 264)
(reworded) Dogs watched items being placed by a screen, one by one. When the screen was lifted, the dogs stared longer at the objects if it was the "wrong" number of objects than if it were the number of objects they expected. The experiment was originally done with babies, who have a similar response starting around 5-months-old. (pg 265)
(reworded) This is one of my favorite dog experiments. The author mentions it on pg 267.
"Fighters and poker players are famous for being able to control the expressions on their faces, for obvious reasons. Perhaps that's why dogs descended from fighting lines are also often difficult to read--fighters of any species aren't negotiating or communicating. they're trying to disguise their own emotions while looking for an opening to attack." (pg 284)
July 06, 2007
July 05, 2007
Not Posting for Two Weeks Pays Off Again
Blog of the Weekend, I have my eye on you.
Thanks, Blog of the Day. I'm off to make a cake.
Thanks, Blog of the Day. I'm off to make a cake.
June 22, 2007
Interesting Interrview: Graffiti Research Lab
PRI's "Fair Game with Faith Salie" interviewed the GRI's Evan Roth about its recent technological projects and the conflict between graffiti and advertising. It's a great interview, and I'm not just saying it because he's my sister's boyfriend.
Evan, I want to participate in The Summer of Blood.
Evan, I want to participate in The Summer of Blood.
See you on July 4th
I'm going on a cruise to Alaska with my Mom and Tina, so I won't be posting until Jul. 4th at the earliest. I'll try to squeeze in a post before I leave about Ronnie the Rat (or as my delusional roommates call him, "Fluffy the Mouse").
June 20, 2007
Lord of the Rings: The Musicial!
I don't know whether to laugh or order tickets. I watched a few video clips, and none of them have any emotional resonance. The songs are bland and I'm not sure it's possible to combine an epic mythology with the silly, fleeting aspects inherent in musicals.
The set is absolutely gorgeous though. Watch clip #2 on the site. The visuals are almost as cinematographic as the movies, which is amazing for a play.
What this play really is though is the first test of LotR fans' nerdosity. (I know it's not a word, but it should be). It has been a few years since the movies. Will LotR have the same cultural resonance that Star Wars did, where fans devoured spin-offs and related merchandise for years after the movies?
My guess is no, for reasons that have nothing to do with the movies and everything to do with how it is less likely nowadays for people to find identity in just one or a few groups.
This is my definition of (cultural) group identity: something that you take pride in being part of or having an interest in, along with an awareness that there are other people that share your interest.
The second part is important because twenty years ago, it must have been more difficult to find people that shared an obscure interest. If you liked an unknown band and knew no one else you did, wouldn't you feel a little lonely? There was probably a gravitation towards national cultural phenomenons, like Star Wars or Dallas, because it was easier to have that feeling that there were other people with the same interest. You could put a "I Shot J.R." bumper sticker on your car and know at least some people would get it.
It's a nice feeling. I remember seeing a Homestar Runner bumper stickers and feeling a little happy seeing it. I felt positive about the mysterious person who owned that car, like we shared a bond.
My guess is that today, with all of the media choices available, and the ease in finding people who share our interests, that we belong to many more groups than people twenty years ago. At the same time, this makes being part of a particular group less special. I love the LotR movies, but I don't have the psychological need to be part of the LotR group that I likely would have had twenty years ago. There are dozens of TV shows, interests, and bands that I like that help satisfy my need for connection.
That's why I think the cultural phenomenon of Star Wars will never be repeated. There will be more wildly popular movies like Titanic or LotR, but none of them can have the long-lasting psychological impact that they could have had twenty years ago.
The long-lasting part is the critical word. In the short-tern, I do think The Matrix, LotR, and so on were as beloved as Star Wars was initially. But there are so many new movies and TV shows out there, along with ways to connect with people, that there is no psychological reason to devote yourself to just one. The same way that it is easier to find a group, it is easier to leave one too.
(On a side note, I realized as I was writing this why I try so hard to encourage my friends to share some of my interests, usually a TV show or movie that I love. I feel a little disconnected to them if they haven't seen or heard something I like a lot, as if I joined a club that they're not members of.)
The set is absolutely gorgeous though. Watch clip #2 on the site. The visuals are almost as cinematographic as the movies, which is amazing for a play.
What this play really is though is the first test of LotR fans' nerdosity. (I know it's not a word, but it should be). It has been a few years since the movies. Will LotR have the same cultural resonance that Star Wars did, where fans devoured spin-offs and related merchandise for years after the movies?
My guess is no, for reasons that have nothing to do with the movies and everything to do with how it is less likely nowadays for people to find identity in just one or a few groups.
This is my definition of (cultural) group identity: something that you take pride in being part of or having an interest in, along with an awareness that there are other people that share your interest.
The second part is important because twenty years ago, it must have been more difficult to find people that shared an obscure interest. If you liked an unknown band and knew no one else you did, wouldn't you feel a little lonely? There was probably a gravitation towards national cultural phenomenons, like Star Wars or Dallas, because it was easier to have that feeling that there were other people with the same interest. You could put a "I Shot J.R." bumper sticker on your car and know at least some people would get it.
It's a nice feeling. I remember seeing a Homestar Runner bumper stickers and feeling a little happy seeing it. I felt positive about the mysterious person who owned that car, like we shared a bond.
My guess is that today, with all of the media choices available, and the ease in finding people who share our interests, that we belong to many more groups than people twenty years ago. At the same time, this makes being part of a particular group less special. I love the LotR movies, but I don't have the psychological need to be part of the LotR group that I likely would have had twenty years ago. There are dozens of TV shows, interests, and bands that I like that help satisfy my need for connection.
That's why I think the cultural phenomenon of Star Wars will never be repeated. There will be more wildly popular movies like Titanic or LotR, but none of them can have the long-lasting psychological impact that they could have had twenty years ago.
The long-lasting part is the critical word. In the short-tern, I do think The Matrix, LotR, and so on were as beloved as Star Wars was initially. But there are so many new movies and TV shows out there, along with ways to connect with people, that there is no psychological reason to devote yourself to just one. The same way that it is easier to find a group, it is easier to leave one too.
(On a side note, I realized as I was writing this why I try so hard to encourage my friends to share some of my interests, usually a TV show or movie that I love. I feel a little disconnected to them if they haven't seen or heard something I like a lot, as if I joined a club that they're not members of.)
June 19, 2007
I'll Get Back To It Later
(As I'm going through my posts, I'm finding a few unfinished drafts of posts, most of which make little to no sense. This is one of them.)
The Police Police
"Yeah, I know you're the police. But I’m the police police. That’s going to cost you 5 marshmallows. What’s that? Don’t have 5 marshmallows? Okay. $200. Plus another $100 for not having any marshmallows."
"Don't like it? Fine. Take it to Court Court."
The Police Police
"Yeah, I know you're the police. But I’m the police police. That’s going to cost you 5 marshmallows. What’s that? Don’t have 5 marshmallows? Okay. $200. Plus another $100 for not having any marshmallows."
"Don't like it? Fine. Take it to Court Court."
I Have an RSS Feed!
And I wouldn't use it for a few days.
First, thanks to Jim M. for the link that made setting up the feed easy.
For the past few days, I've been adding metadata to almost every post I have written. It started on a whim, something I did for a handful of recent posts, and went on from there. My thoughts are often a cluttered mess, and it feels good to be organized in at least one part of my life.
I think the RSS feed is updating every time I add a keyword to a post. I finished 200 so far, and have around 1,000 more to do. If you are reading on a newsreader, you may end up seeing four years of blog posts by the end of the week. I suggest waiting a few days and clicking on the "poop" tag to catch up on the best ones. Or for the very best, "poop monkey rocket". Man, that monkey's handlers were so pissed off when he returned back to Earth. Ahh, the stories.
First, thanks to Jim M. for the link that made setting up the feed easy.
For the past few days, I've been adding metadata to almost every post I have written. It started on a whim, something I did for a handful of recent posts, and went on from there. My thoughts are often a cluttered mess, and it feels good to be organized in at least one part of my life.
I think the RSS feed is updating every time I add a keyword to a post. I finished 200 so far, and have around 1,000 more to do. If you are reading on a newsreader, you may end up seeing four years of blog posts by the end of the week. I suggest waiting a few days and clicking on the "poop" tag to catch up on the best ones. Or for the very best, "poop monkey rocket". Man, that monkey's handlers were so pissed off when he returned back to Earth. Ahh, the stories.
June 18, 2007
License Plate
One of the lesser-known facts about Virginia is that it has more drivers with vanity license plates than any state in the U.S. Nearly one in five people have one. That's LUNASEE (for Pagans). Or CRZ4CRS. Or...you get the point.
A few days ago, I was at a stop light when I had an weird, almost overpowering urge to buy a gun. The mystery was solved when I looked at the license plate on the pickup truck ahead of me. "BUY GUN".
Hmm, you make a good point, six-letter license plate. You make a GD PNT. But when should I buy one? Hey, look, a SUV!
"BUY NOW"
Well, hold on a moment. Volvo has something to say.
"GUN KILL"
Is that a criticism or an advertisement? Why did I want a gun in the first place? Red pickup truck...
"I FRGOT"
("BUY GUN" + "I FRGOT" are real license plates. I don't know about the rest).
A few days ago, I was at a stop light when I had an weird, almost overpowering urge to buy a gun. The mystery was solved when I looked at the license plate on the pickup truck ahead of me. "BUY GUN".
Hmm, you make a good point, six-letter license plate. You make a GD PNT. But when should I buy one? Hey, look, a SUV!
"BUY NOW"
Well, hold on a moment. Volvo has something to say.
"GUN KILL"
Is that a criticism or an advertisement? Why did I want a gun in the first place? Red pickup truck...
"I FRGOT"
("BUY GUN" + "I FRGOT" are real license plates. I don't know about the rest).
June 17, 2007
Dogs vs. Cats
I found a link to a Vancouver travel site in the “Failed Referrers” section of my web page stats. It's a list of broken links that people are trying to reach, mostly missing photos that didn't get transferred when I switched web hosts.
A few dozen people have been unsuccessfully trying to find a photo that used to be on my web site. I clicked the link to see what Vancouver wanted from Pancake City.
Surprise #1: The link, to a message board discussion, had nothing to do with travel or Vancouver. It was a long, angry argument on which was better, cats or dogs.
Surprise #2: It was absolutely hilarious.
I searched Google's cache to see the photo they were trying to find. It was of a cat holding a sniper rifle while perched in a window sill.
I was going to post snippets of the discussion, but the first half-page is so funny that you have to read the whole thing.
"Get back to the thread DO YOU LIKE CATS OR DOGS!!!!"
June 16, 2007
Screen Window
I saw this on a screen window in the kitchen of one of my dog walking clients.
"Warning: This screen will not prevent a child, or object, or anything from falling out."
Get some self-confidence, screen window. When I tossed Brewster a ball and it bounced over the sink, who stopped it from going out the window? You did. When the neighborhood was invaded by carpenter bees, who stop them from flying in the house and stealing Brewster's kibble? You. And I don't see any flies in the house. Must have been the frog. Oh, wait. Brewster ate him. Guess we have a certain perforated stranger to thank.
Screen window, you are more important than you think. You are the gatekeeper, the TSA agent, the club bouncer. You keep the riffraff out and let the air in. Look, no one is expecting you to keep a child out. If someone tosses a baby at you, you can only do so much.
At the same time, no one will be surprised if the baby happily bounces off you and into the arms of the gypsy outside who was trying to return it. You're more special than you think.
"Warning: This screen will not prevent a child, or object, or anything from falling out."
Get some self-confidence, screen window. When I tossed Brewster a ball and it bounced over the sink, who stopped it from going out the window? You did. When the neighborhood was invaded by carpenter bees, who stop them from flying in the house and stealing Brewster's kibble? You. And I don't see any flies in the house. Must have been the frog. Oh, wait. Brewster ate him. Guess we have a certain perforated stranger to thank.
Screen window, you are more important than you think. You are the gatekeeper, the TSA agent, the club bouncer. You keep the riffraff out and let the air in. Look, no one is expecting you to keep a child out. If someone tosses a baby at you, you can only do so much.
At the same time, no one will be surprised if the baby happily bounces off you and into the arms of the gypsy outside who was trying to return it. You're more special than you think.
June 15, 2007
'You Are Never Alone" --Socalled
I got this song from Salon.com's Song of the Day podcast. It's the best song I've heard in a few weeks, although obviously that doesn't mean you will even like it. It's at least worth a listen though.
Is it me, or is there zero correlation between one's taste in music and personality? I wouldn't say that about books, television shows, or movies. There seems to be at least a faint connection between one's pop culture interests and world view. I haven't seen a connection between personality and taste in music though. Maybe that's because music is less language-centric than books, TV shows, and movies. Music may engage people on a simpler, more primal level, and our enjoyments of melodies may have to do more with our genetics than the sum experiences of our lives.
Is it me, or is there zero correlation between one's taste in music and personality? I wouldn't say that about books, television shows, or movies. There seems to be at least a faint connection between one's pop culture interests and world view. I haven't seen a connection between personality and taste in music though. Maybe that's because music is less language-centric than books, TV shows, and movies. Music may engage people on a simpler, more primal level, and our enjoyments of melodies may have to do more with our genetics than the sum experiences of our lives.
June 14, 2007
Glory Be To Him
For $500 or more, you can sponsor a day of NPR programming and have a message of your choice read three times during the day. I heard this one yesterday:
"This show is sponsored in part by Brad and Amanda Richards in honor of their son, Jacob, who turns 6-months old today."
I'm guessing it's their first child. Child #2 is just getting a mug. Child #3 will be lucky to get an off-sized "All Things Considered" T-shirt.
"This show is sponsored in part by Brad and Amanda Richards in honor of their son, Jacob, who turns 6-months old today."
I'm guessing it's their first child. Child #2 is just getting a mug. Child #3 will be lucky to get an off-sized "All Things Considered" T-shirt.
June 12, 2007
Trashy Celebs
Two friends of mine, Amy and Lori, have a very funny blog called Trashy Celebs. Where else are you going to find headlines like "Joey Lawrence’s Man Boobs are Blossoming?"
June 11, 2007
The Pancake City Guide To Indie Music
If "Even Jesus Hates Creed" T-shirts make you laugh, but you would feel uncomfortable talking to the music-hipster wearing the shirt, this guide is for you.
There are literally hundreds of wonderful bands that are under the mass media radar. These bands are on independent labels who can afford small promotional campaigns for them at best.
Most of these groups make their livings playing small- to mid-sized venues and catering to devoted groups of fans. It used to be difficult to hear about these bands. For me, it was a mix of not knowing where to start and my (mostly false) perception that people who liked obscure bands were music snobs, clones of Jack Black's character in High Fidelity. I was already a comedy snob and movie snob at the time, and didn't want to waste my third snobbery on music. (We all get three snobs. Dem's the rules. If you have any complaints, send them to LOL CATZ)
What if I wanted to become a cheese snob? Or a robot snob? I didn't want to waste my last snob. The future is a mysterious place, even if you are from the future, because then you wonder where the glee-glerp is your time machine and why do these people keep showing your photo on tabloids shaking the hand of Elvis?
Tangent. Sorry. My worries of succumbing to music snobbery were over-rated. Contrary to what I expected, one doesn't have to throw the Baby Got Back out with the bathwater. More important, the maturing of podcasts and the Internet has made it a lot easier to stick one's toe into a different music world and hear songs that, and here I guess I am being a music snob, are better than 95% of what you could hope to hear on the radio.
It helps to know where to look though. Without further ado, here are some good places to start.
Pancake City Guide To Indie Music
1. Internet Radio
a. Pandora--The best place to start for anyone first exploring the world of indie label music. At Pandora, you type in the name of a band you currently like, and it streams full-length songs from bands with similar music qualities. You can further refine the music you hear by voting "Yay/Nay" for each song, save your stations, and listen to stations from other members.
b. MPR: Online Radio--If you have half-an-hour free, load MPR's stream and let it play as you work. Their song selection is excellent, and while you may not like every song, you won't have to wait long to find a gem.
c. NPR's All Songs Considered--Bob Bollen does a good job sorting through the hundreds of CDs he gets a week and presenting some of the more interesting choices to listeners. You can subscribe to the podcast or listen online. Sometimes the show can't get full play rights on the podcast and you can only listen to whole versions of the song online.
2. Songs of the Day
MP3s for free. You can subscribe to these podcasts on ITunes or directly from the website. I recommend all of these highly.
a. Salon.com: Song of the Day. Many good selections with only a rare dud.
b. MPR: The Current Song of the Day. This newish podcast is slightly less mainstream than Salon.com's, but I like it as much.
c. KCRW's Today's Top Tune.
d. KEXP Song of the Day.
3. Free downloads hubs
I haven't explored this area much as I get enough new music from the above sources and EMusic. Let me know if you have other recommendations.
a. Music.download.com--CNET's music download site has grown greatly in the past year. They have good relationships with most major and independent labels, offer a large catalog of songs to stream for free and have a growing number of free downloads to boot.
Unfortunately, their music is mostly indexed by category and thus more difficult to find music you'll like than sites like Netflix, Emusic, and Amazon that use social networking software to filter the near-overwhelming amount of songs to choose from.
4. Pay sites
Obviously, the reason bands release MP3s for free is to get new fans who may want to buy more of their work. I won't repeat my whole rave for EMusic, but it's the only pay-site I use. It's cheap, DRM-free, and has a wide selection of independent label music.
Subscription sites like Rhapsody may be a good deal, where you have to stay subscribed to continue to access the music but can download all you want, but I can't personally vouch for the site. (Click for 50 free Emusic downloads)
5. Twelve Bands To Look Into
Andrew Bird, Beirut, Camera Obscura, Cloud Cult, Interpol, Joanna Newsom, Lambchop, The National, Peter Bjorn and John, Stars, Sufjan Stevens, Voxtrot. You can copy n' paste these bands into Pandora's search box, and likely hear one or more of their songs.
Let me know if you like the guide or have anything to add. Good luck.
There are literally hundreds of wonderful bands that are under the mass media radar. These bands are on independent labels who can afford small promotional campaigns for them at best.
Most of these groups make their livings playing small- to mid-sized venues and catering to devoted groups of fans. It used to be difficult to hear about these bands. For me, it was a mix of not knowing where to start and my (mostly false) perception that people who liked obscure bands were music snobs, clones of Jack Black's character in High Fidelity. I was already a comedy snob and movie snob at the time, and didn't want to waste my third snobbery on music. (We all get three snobs. Dem's the rules. If you have any complaints, send them to LOL CATZ)
What if I wanted to become a cheese snob? Or a robot snob? I didn't want to waste my last snob. The future is a mysterious place, even if you are from the future, because then you wonder where the glee-glerp is your time machine and why do these people keep showing your photo on tabloids shaking the hand of Elvis?
Tangent. Sorry. My worries of succumbing to music snobbery were over-rated. Contrary to what I expected, one doesn't have to throw the Baby Got Back out with the bathwater. More important, the maturing of podcasts and the Internet has made it a lot easier to stick one's toe into a different music world and hear songs that, and here I guess I am being a music snob, are better than 95% of what you could hope to hear on the radio.
It helps to know where to look though. Without further ado, here are some good places to start.
Pancake City Guide To Indie Music
1. Internet Radio
a. Pandora--The best place to start for anyone first exploring the world of indie label music. At Pandora, you type in the name of a band you currently like, and it streams full-length songs from bands with similar music qualities. You can further refine the music you hear by voting "Yay/Nay" for each song, save your stations, and listen to stations from other members.
b. MPR: Online Radio--If you have half-an-hour free, load MPR's stream and let it play as you work. Their song selection is excellent, and while you may not like every song, you won't have to wait long to find a gem.
c. NPR's All Songs Considered--Bob Bollen does a good job sorting through the hundreds of CDs he gets a week and presenting some of the more interesting choices to listeners. You can subscribe to the podcast or listen online. Sometimes the show can't get full play rights on the podcast and you can only listen to whole versions of the song online.
2. Songs of the Day
MP3s for free. You can subscribe to these podcasts on ITunes or directly from the website. I recommend all of these highly.
a. Salon.com: Song of the Day. Many good selections with only a rare dud.
b. MPR: The Current Song of the Day. This newish podcast is slightly less mainstream than Salon.com's, but I like it as much.
c. KCRW's Today's Top Tune.
d. KEXP Song of the Day.
3. Free downloads hubs
I haven't explored this area much as I get enough new music from the above sources and EMusic. Let me know if you have other recommendations.
a. Music.download.com--CNET's music download site has grown greatly in the past year. They have good relationships with most major and independent labels, offer a large catalog of songs to stream for free and have a growing number of free downloads to boot.
Unfortunately, their music is mostly indexed by category and thus more difficult to find music you'll like than sites like Netflix, Emusic, and Amazon that use social networking software to filter the near-overwhelming amount of songs to choose from.
4. Pay sites
Obviously, the reason bands release MP3s for free is to get new fans who may want to buy more of their work. I won't repeat my whole rave for EMusic, but it's the only pay-site I use. It's cheap, DRM-free, and has a wide selection of independent label music.
Subscription sites like Rhapsody may be a good deal, where you have to stay subscribed to continue to access the music but can download all you want, but I can't personally vouch for the site. (Click for 50 free Emusic downloads)
5. Twelve Bands To Look Into
Andrew Bird, Beirut, Camera Obscura, Cloud Cult, Interpol, Joanna Newsom, Lambchop, The National, Peter Bjorn and John, Stars, Sufjan Stevens, Voxtrot. You can copy n' paste these bands into Pandora's search box, and likely hear one or more of their songs.
Let me know if you like the guide or have anything to add. Good luck.
June 09, 2007
Headlines
Man accused in Letterman kidnap plot escapes from prison
Top Ten reasons to improve prison security...
Dinosaurs Died Agonizing Deaths
Yay! The front page of Yahoo has all the kid-friendly articles.
Shuttle Atlantis Chasing Space Station
Hey, have you seen my space wallet? I could of sworn I tethered it to the table. I don't know, nothing. I checked the instruments, Space Station came over to visit, and ....SPACE STATION! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!
The Battle of the Grills
This is false advertising by The Washington Post. I had every reason to think this article was about rappers.
Top Ten reasons to improve prison security...
Dinosaurs Died Agonizing Deaths
Yay! The front page of Yahoo has all the kid-friendly articles.
Shuttle Atlantis Chasing Space Station
Hey, have you seen my space wallet? I could of sworn I tethered it to the table. I don't know, nothing. I checked the instruments, Space Station came over to visit, and ....SPACE STATION! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!
The Battle of the Grills
This is false advertising by The Washington Post. I had every reason to think this article was about rappers.
Are We Being Too Hard on Paris?
A reenactment of the past week:
SHERIFF: "Do you want to finish your sentence at home?"
PARIS: "Really?"
SHERIFF: "Sure. Three days in jail is enough. You can do the other 42 days as home arrest."
PARIS: "Thank you so much!"
Paris goes home. A few hours later, the Sheriff's phone rings:
SHERIFF: "Hey."
JUDGE: "Did she buy it?"
SHERIFF: "Oh, yeah. It was hilarious. Her face lit right up."
JUDGE: [laughing]: "Oh my God. This is going to be great. Get one of your guys to bring her to the courthouse. Tell her the judge needs to speak with her for a few minutes. Tell her it won't take long, and to leave her things."
SHERIFF: "This is so wrong."
JUDGE: "I know. Isn't it awesome?"
At the courthouse:
JUDGE: "Paris, I have some bad news. We're putting you back in jail. Right now."
PARIS: "What? But he said I could do my sentence at home!"
JUDGE: "Lee, did you tell Paris she could serve her sentence in her house?"
SHERIFF: "Don't believe I did, Mike."
PARIS: "You liar! Yes you did!"
SHERIFF: "Hold on a second. Let me think." [Sheriff strokes his chin slowly.] "Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Wait, yes! Yes!"
PARIS: "You remember?"
SHERIFF: "I remember that 'The Simple Life' sucked. Now get your scrawny ass back in your cell, bitch."
JUDGE: "Oh! Smoked!"
[SHERRIF + JUDGE give each other a high-five. An officer shakes his head and escorts PARIS out the courthouse.]
SHERIFF: "Do you want to finish your sentence at home?"
PARIS: "Really?"
SHERIFF: "Sure. Three days in jail is enough. You can do the other 42 days as home arrest."
PARIS: "Thank you so much!"
Paris goes home. A few hours later, the Sheriff's phone rings:
SHERIFF: "Hey."
JUDGE: "Did she buy it?"
SHERIFF: "Oh, yeah. It was hilarious. Her face lit right up."
JUDGE: [laughing]: "Oh my God. This is going to be great. Get one of your guys to bring her to the courthouse. Tell her the judge needs to speak with her for a few minutes. Tell her it won't take long, and to leave her things."
SHERIFF: "This is so wrong."
JUDGE: "I know. Isn't it awesome?"
At the courthouse:
JUDGE: "Paris, I have some bad news. We're putting you back in jail. Right now."
PARIS: "What? But he said I could do my sentence at home!"
JUDGE: "Lee, did you tell Paris she could serve her sentence in her house?"
SHERIFF: "Don't believe I did, Mike."
PARIS: "You liar! Yes you did!"
SHERIFF: "Hold on a second. Let me think." [Sheriff strokes his chin slowly.] "Hmmm. Hmmmmmmm. Wait, yes! Yes!"
PARIS: "You remember?"
SHERIFF: "I remember that 'The Simple Life' sucked. Now get your scrawny ass back in your cell, bitch."
JUDGE: "Oh! Smoked!"
[SHERRIF + JUDGE give each other a high-five. An officer shakes his head and escorts PARIS out the courthouse.]
June 08, 2007
Someone Build a Dam--I'm Gushing About Emusic
If you have already been thinking about subscribing to EMusic, there is a link at the end for 50 free downloads. If you haven't heard about EMusic, keep reading. It's my favorite online music source.
Emusic is the 2nd biggest online music store, behind ITunes. I've been a subscriber to Emusic for several months now, and I absolutely love it. The songs are high-quality, DRM-free, and best of all, cheap. You pay a certain amount of money a month ($10-$20) and get to download 30-75 songs, depending on the subscription to choose. It will ruin ITunes for you. I don't think I can ever buy a song from ITunes for .99c after paying the equivalent of .25c per song.
I should mention first that the reason they can offer songs for 25c-33c is that almost all of the music they have is from independent labels. You are not going to find anything played on commercial radio here. I hate commercial radio, so this isn't an issue for me, but major-label bands like REM, Nine Inch Nails, and Britney Spears won't be found on the site.
If you are interested in discovering new music though, there is no better web site than EMusic. Their business model of cheap, high-volume downloads meshes perfectly with their efforts to tell customers about great bands. They have a "Most Downloaded" section, a 'New and Noteworthy" section, and suggestions for bands you may like based on past downloads. You can listen to 30-second samples of all songs, which gives you a good idea of whether you'll like the song or not.
I discover about 1/3 of the songs I download from EMusic's recommendations. Another 1/3 from shows like NPR's All Songs Considered and various "Song of the Day" podcasts. The last 1/3 is from friends and other EMusic members. The site keeps track of what you download and gives you the option to make various lists like "Songs I Love" or "Future Downloads" and let other users view them. I've found a many good bands I never would have heard of otherwise by browsing through people's download lists. Also, I have to give a shout-out to my roommate, Meghan, who has excellent music taste (among other things).
EMusic has convinced me that the high-price/low-volume revenue model of ITunes and major record labels is screwed up. I listen to so much more music now than I used to, happily pay for it, and it's almost solely because I can download a song for a quarter. It's much easier to take a chance on a new band when downloading a few singles costs less than a dollar and you can download the whole album for $2-3.
Not only that, I would download more if I could. I get 70 downloads per month on the plan I am on. I already used them up and I have two more weeks to go until they will be renewed. I have 40 albums saved that I'm considering downloading later. My love of music has slowly grown over my life, but it definitely shot up once I joined EMusic and was able to try out new bands at whim and for relatively cheap. Perhaps I'm atypical, but I think if ITunes offered a similar bulk rate discount, the increased volume would more than make up the lost revenue.
Okay, I'm done gushing. If you are interested in trying the site out, click on the link below. It's a trial offer where you can get 50 free downloads. I get 50 free downloads if you end up subscribing, so that's part of my motivation. Although if the fact that I want to download 50 more songs on top of the 70 I already downloaded this month isn't a good testimonial, I don't know what is.
If you want any recommendations on stuff to try out, leave a comment or shoot me an email. Or if you have some bands to recommend, please do. I enjoy sharing music and getting recommendations too.
50 free Emusic downloads.
Emusic is the 2nd biggest online music store, behind ITunes. I've been a subscriber to Emusic for several months now, and I absolutely love it. The songs are high-quality, DRM-free, and best of all, cheap. You pay a certain amount of money a month ($10-$20) and get to download 30-75 songs, depending on the subscription to choose. It will ruin ITunes for you. I don't think I can ever buy a song from ITunes for .99c after paying the equivalent of .25c per song.
I should mention first that the reason they can offer songs for 25c-33c is that almost all of the music they have is from independent labels. You are not going to find anything played on commercial radio here. I hate commercial radio, so this isn't an issue for me, but major-label bands like REM, Nine Inch Nails, and Britney Spears won't be found on the site.
If you are interested in discovering new music though, there is no better web site than EMusic. Their business model of cheap, high-volume downloads meshes perfectly with their efforts to tell customers about great bands. They have a "Most Downloaded" section, a 'New and Noteworthy" section, and suggestions for bands you may like based on past downloads. You can listen to 30-second samples of all songs, which gives you a good idea of whether you'll like the song or not.
I discover about 1/3 of the songs I download from EMusic's recommendations. Another 1/3 from shows like NPR's All Songs Considered and various "Song of the Day" podcasts. The last 1/3 is from friends and other EMusic members. The site keeps track of what you download and gives you the option to make various lists like "Songs I Love" or "Future Downloads" and let other users view them. I've found a many good bands I never would have heard of otherwise by browsing through people's download lists. Also, I have to give a shout-out to my roommate, Meghan, who has excellent music taste (among other things).
EMusic has convinced me that the high-price/low-volume revenue model of ITunes and major record labels is screwed up. I listen to so much more music now than I used to, happily pay for it, and it's almost solely because I can download a song for a quarter. It's much easier to take a chance on a new band when downloading a few singles costs less than a dollar and you can download the whole album for $2-3.
Not only that, I would download more if I could. I get 70 downloads per month on the plan I am on. I already used them up and I have two more weeks to go until they will be renewed. I have 40 albums saved that I'm considering downloading later. My love of music has slowly grown over my life, but it definitely shot up once I joined EMusic and was able to try out new bands at whim and for relatively cheap. Perhaps I'm atypical, but I think if ITunes offered a similar bulk rate discount, the increased volume would more than make up the lost revenue.
Okay, I'm done gushing. If you are interested in trying the site out, click on the link below. It's a trial offer where you can get 50 free downloads. I get 50 free downloads if you end up subscribing, so that's part of my motivation. Although if the fact that I want to download 50 more songs on top of the 70 I already downloaded this month isn't a good testimonial, I don't know what is.
If you want any recommendations on stuff to try out, leave a comment or shoot me an email. Or if you have some bands to recommend, please do. I enjoy sharing music and getting recommendations too.
50 free Emusic downloads.
June 05, 2007
Yabba Dabba Do
My window fell a few days ago, devolving back a technological age in the process. The front grate cracked, leaving a gap where one could insert a small object, like a pair of scissors.
This is useful as now the fan won't start on its own. I have to insert a small object in the gap, like a pair of scissors, and push a fan blade to the right to get it going. It takes about a half-dozen whacks on average to jump start the fan. It was fun the first few times. I even put a record on the pterodactyl to celebrate.
Now it's annoying. I wish my "WeatherWorks" brand fan was in its original condition. "WhetherWorks?" is not the whimsical adventure the name implies.
I have other items and gadgets that are in the gray zone for a poor person: broke enough to frustrate, not enough to replace. The MP3 player that I need to wrap the headphone cord around the body in a certain way to get sound to play in both ears. My 1994 Toyota Corolla that rattles increasingly loud when it comes to a stop. (I noticed it right after my MP3 player started acting up).
It can be exciting to pretend that I'm in an episode of Mission Impossible where a long red light can spell the doom for my car, and perhaps the life of innocent cars around me. My workarounds for objects in disrepair make me feel manly and smart too at first. "I'm not going to let an empty black ink cartridge stop me from printing. That's why brown is a font color in Microsoft Word."
But when these small inconveniences grow from a few to a dozen, I find myself getting frustrated, perhaps because I view my jury-rigged surroundings as a metaphor for the frustrations in my life. I feel like a broken person who's missing a few parts. I see my friends in careers, getting married, buying houses, pursuing their dreams, and can't help thinking, "What's wrong with me?"
Well, I wasn't expecting that to come out. Oh well. It is what it is. Yabba Dabba Do. Next post: why I find Tiffany soooooooo annoying!
This is useful as now the fan won't start on its own. I have to insert a small object in the gap, like a pair of scissors, and push a fan blade to the right to get it going. It takes about a half-dozen whacks on average to jump start the fan. It was fun the first few times. I even put a record on the pterodactyl to celebrate.
Now it's annoying. I wish my "WeatherWorks" brand fan was in its original condition. "WhetherWorks?" is not the whimsical adventure the name implies.
I have other items and gadgets that are in the gray zone for a poor person: broke enough to frustrate, not enough to replace. The MP3 player that I need to wrap the headphone cord around the body in a certain way to get sound to play in both ears. My 1994 Toyota Corolla that rattles increasingly loud when it comes to a stop. (I noticed it right after my MP3 player started acting up).
It can be exciting to pretend that I'm in an episode of Mission Impossible where a long red light can spell the doom for my car, and perhaps the life of innocent cars around me. My workarounds for objects in disrepair make me feel manly and smart too at first. "I'm not going to let an empty black ink cartridge stop me from printing. That's why brown is a font color in Microsoft Word."
But when these small inconveniences grow from a few to a dozen, I find myself getting frustrated, perhaps because I view my jury-rigged surroundings as a metaphor for the frustrations in my life. I feel like a broken person who's missing a few parts. I see my friends in careers, getting married, buying houses, pursuing their dreams, and can't help thinking, "What's wrong with me?"
Well, I wasn't expecting that to come out. Oh well. It is what it is. Yabba Dabba Do. Next post: why I find Tiffany soooooooo annoying!
Maybe It's Okay To Make an Ass Out of You and Me on This One
I hate to criticize the media for not being assumptive. In the race to report news, media outlets often gloss over details, report hearsay as fact, and broadcast unverified information rather than take the time to analyze it first.
But how do you allegedly drive a car through a street festival and injure 43 people? The only doubt is whether to call it a street festival or an open market. (I suggest using The Clown Rule).
If you missed the story, I'm referring to an incident that happened last Sunday in SE D.C. No one died, so the article was already off the front page of The Washington Post by Monday night. How many people do you have to maim nowadays to get some staying power? I find it a small miracle that no one died, but there's little information on what people did during and after the situation to avoid casualties.
The story resurfaced briefly today. The police department stated that the driver was a single Mom, high on crack, with her 7-year-old daughter in the back seat. This item got almost as much attention as the original incident. As it should. It's bad enough to get hit by a car, but who wants to get run over by a stereotype? That's no way to die.
FOX News sent over a camera crew after this development. Their latest report states that when the car finally crashed, a group of Mexicans popped out of the trunk and started singing La Cucaracha ("La Cucaracha" is Spanish for "We don't actually sing this song. It sucks."). They released a correction soon after the initial report. They meant to say allegedly.
But how do you allegedly drive a car through a street festival and injure 43 people? The only doubt is whether to call it a street festival or an open market. (I suggest using The Clown Rule).
If you missed the story, I'm referring to an incident that happened last Sunday in SE D.C. No one died, so the article was already off the front page of The Washington Post by Monday night. How many people do you have to maim nowadays to get some staying power? I find it a small miracle that no one died, but there's little information on what people did during and after the situation to avoid casualties.
The story resurfaced briefly today. The police department stated that the driver was a single Mom, high on crack, with her 7-year-old daughter in the back seat. This item got almost as much attention as the original incident. As it should. It's bad enough to get hit by a car, but who wants to get run over by a stereotype? That's no way to die.
FOX News sent over a camera crew after this development. Their latest report states that when the car finally crashed, a group of Mexicans popped out of the trunk and started singing La Cucaracha ("La Cucaracha" is Spanish for "We don't actually sing this song. It sucks."). They released a correction soon after the initial report. They meant to say allegedly.
May 30, 2007
What is Systematic Torture?
Is it worse than old-fashioned, seat-of-the-pants torture? If I'm ever tortured (it's a possibility--I'm visiting Canada soon and have bushy eyebrows), I'd feel more comfortable with a systematic torture program. Perhaps this speaks to my lack of faith in man, but I'm not sure your average torturer is going to know what to do with a toaster and a bucket of water without a manual.
I hear the term often, most recently regarding a news report on an ACLU lawsuit against the U.S. government. What does it mean to we live in a time where accusations of "ordinary" torture isn't shocking enough to grab our attention? When did torture become vanilla?
One could argue this is just the natural radicalization of language in a saturated media environment where subtlety and understatement tend to be drowned out by competitors for attention. But I think it speaks to something else, a new comfort with the language, images, and idea of torture. Ten years ago, can you imagine our reaction to a news report that the government is arresting U.S. citizens and extraditing them to another country, without trial or being accused of a crime, all to avoid public scrutiny and violating U.S. law?
Yet today torture appears regularly in action movies, and TV shows like 24 and Lost. I've seen comic strips on torture and Daily Show bits on the subject. I am not saying we are insensitive to the subject. Most comedy has satirized the U.S. government's use of torture, not make light of the act. Yet I find it sad how pervasive the concept of torture is today in the public conscious. I suspect even after our government cleans up is act, a lingering familiarity with the idea of torture will remain, another small stain on our minds.
I hear the term often, most recently regarding a news report on an ACLU lawsuit against the U.S. government. What does it mean to we live in a time where accusations of "ordinary" torture isn't shocking enough to grab our attention? When did torture become vanilla?
One could argue this is just the natural radicalization of language in a saturated media environment where subtlety and understatement tend to be drowned out by competitors for attention. But I think it speaks to something else, a new comfort with the language, images, and idea of torture. Ten years ago, can you imagine our reaction to a news report that the government is arresting U.S. citizens and extraditing them to another country, without trial or being accused of a crime, all to avoid public scrutiny and violating U.S. law?
Yet today torture appears regularly in action movies, and TV shows like 24 and Lost. I've seen comic strips on torture and Daily Show bits on the subject. I am not saying we are insensitive to the subject. Most comedy has satirized the U.S. government's use of torture, not make light of the act. Yet I find it sad how pervasive the concept of torture is today in the public conscious. I suspect even after our government cleans up is act, a lingering familiarity with the idea of torture will remain, another small stain on our minds.
May 29, 2007
Lost: Season 3 (spoiler-free)
I watched 16 episodes of Lost: Season 3 over the past week, and just finished the season finale. The finale was good, although the show had a few moments where its efforts to keep a sense of mystery appeared contrived. Dialog along the lines of:
"Don't press the Mystery Button!"
"Why not?"
"I can't tell you. But don't press it!"
After watching the finale, I browsed a few forums looking for theories on the show's mysteries. Most of them are silly, but there is one theory I found extremely plausible. It's the best explanation I found so far.
"Don't press the Mystery Button!"
"Why not?"
"I can't tell you. But don't press it!"
After watching the finale, I browsed a few forums looking for theories on the show's mysteries. Most of them are silly, but there is one theory I found extremely plausible. It's the best explanation I found so far.
May 25, 2007
The Man Hates Paper
(from the Washington Gas website)
Washington Gas: We can make anything sound a little creepy.
My paper comrades: arise against your masters! Deliver upon them a thousand tiny cuts! Remember the Wastebasket!
Washington Gas: We can make anything sound a little creepy.
My paper comrades: arise against your masters! Deliver upon them a thousand tiny cuts! Remember the Wastebasket!
May 22, 2007
The Nerd Herd
NASA Rover Finds Surprising Evidence for Mars' Watery Past
Chemical analysis performed by the rover's robotic arm-mounted science instruments measured a composition of about 90 percent pure silica -- a material commonly found in quartz on Earth -- for the bit of Martian dirt, said mission scientists, who first heard of the find during a teleconference.
"You could hear people gasp in astonishment," said Steve Squyres, principal investigator for NASA's twin Spirit and Opportunity rovers at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. "This is a remarkable discovery." (space.com)
NASA PR: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press. Welcome. We gathered you here to make an exciting announcement. HQR-3527—I’m sorry, “Spirit”–has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica!!!”
[silence]
NASA PR: “Hello? 90% silica? Is this thing on?”
AP: “What’s the big deal about that?”
NASA PR: “Well, silicon dioxide, SiO2, which we commonly refer to as silica, is---“
REUTERS: [scribbling notes] “One sec. How do you spell your name?”
NASA PR: “Wojozecski. W-O-”
REUTERS: “Screw it. I’ll just attribute it to Wikipedia.”
NASA PR: [sighs] “As I was saying, silica is found in nature in several forms, particularly quartz. Quartz crystals are typically formed in hydrothermal environments— hot, watery solutions, such as one from a volcano or a hot spring. That means at some point in time, there was water on Mars.”
AP: “Why does quartz need water to form?”
NASA PR: “Good question. The answer is complicated, so bear with me for a few minutes. Let’s start with a Chemistry 101 lesson. In a hydrothermal solution, there are no free molecules of---who’s snoring?”
WOLF BLITZER: “Zzzzzz....”
NASA PR: “IN A HYDROTHERMAL SOLUTION, there are no...”
REUTERS: “Excuse me. I have a question.”
NASA PR: “What now?”
REUTERS: “Science makes my brain hurt.”
NASA PR: “That’s it. Larry, bring out the nerds.”
Larry, using an electric cattle prod, jabs a herd of pencil-thin, disheveled nerds on stage.
AP: “Nerds!” [applauds] [whispers to Reuters] “They have all the answers.”
NASA PR: “From the top. Spirit has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica.”
Nerds gasp in absolute astonishment.
NERD HERD: “That’s amazing!” “Wow, what a stunning find!” [nerd wets himself]
AP + REUTERS: “What a story! Thanks, Wikipedia!”
NASA PR: “Wiki....? Larry, get them out of here.”
Larry forcefully prods press out of room.
Chemical analysis performed by the rover's robotic arm-mounted science instruments measured a composition of about 90 percent pure silica -- a material commonly found in quartz on Earth -- for the bit of Martian dirt, said mission scientists, who first heard of the find during a teleconference.
"You could hear people gasp in astonishment," said Steve Squyres, principal investigator for NASA's twin Spirit and Opportunity rovers at Cornell University in Ithaca, New York. "This is a remarkable discovery." (space.com)
NASA PR: “Ladies and gentlemen of the press. Welcome. We gathered you here to make an exciting announcement. HQR-3527—I’m sorry, “Spirit”–has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica!!!”
[silence]
NASA PR: “Hello? 90% silica? Is this thing on?”
AP: “What’s the big deal about that?”
NASA PR: “Well, silicon dioxide, SiO2, which we commonly refer to as silica, is---“
REUTERS: [scribbling notes] “One sec. How do you spell your name?”
NASA PR: “Wojozecski. W-O-”
REUTERS: “Screw it. I’ll just attribute it to Wikipedia.”
NASA PR: [sighs] “As I was saying, silica is found in nature in several forms, particularly quartz. Quartz crystals are typically formed in hydrothermal environments— hot, watery solutions, such as one from a volcano or a hot spring. That means at some point in time, there was water on Mars.”
AP: “Why does quartz need water to form?”
NASA PR: “Good question. The answer is complicated, so bear with me for a few minutes. Let’s start with a Chemistry 101 lesson. In a hydrothermal solution, there are no free molecules of---who’s snoring?”
WOLF BLITZER: “Zzzzzz....”
NASA PR: “IN A HYDROTHERMAL SOLUTION, there are no...”
REUTERS: “Excuse me. I have a question.”
NASA PR: “What now?”
REUTERS: “Science makes my brain hurt.”
NASA PR: “That’s it. Larry, bring out the nerds.”
Larry, using an electric cattle prod, jabs a herd of pencil-thin, disheveled nerds on stage.
AP: “Nerds!” [applauds] [whispers to Reuters] “They have all the answers.”
NASA PR: “From the top. Spirit has just finished its analysis of an interesting patch of soil it unearthed. The soil...is 90% pure silica.”
Nerds gasp in absolute astonishment.
NERD HERD: “That’s amazing!” “Wow, what a stunning find!” [nerd wets himself]
AP + REUTERS: “What a story! Thanks, Wikipedia!”
NASA PR: “Wiki....? Larry, get them out of here.”
Larry forcefully prods press out of room.
May 17, 2007
Alberto Gonzales Will Get the Presidential Medal of Freedom
Okay, he's going to be forced to resign. But he has been one of the longest-running guests on the Bush Game Show. He has to get some type of parting gift. Like a lifetime supply of Hallmark greeting cards. Sometimes when your visit your friends in the hospital, the right words are hard to find.
Tony Kornheiser has a humorous recap of the event I'm alluding to if you missed it. At this point, the only reason I can fathom that Bush hasn't thrown Gonzales to the sharks, fishes, crabs, shrimp, and every other metaphorical sea creature that thinks he should be fired is that Gonzales knows where some bodies are buried. Not body. Bodies. Bush can handle one body. If you want to why Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are overweight, all I can say is salt, pepper, a pat of butter, and a strong desire to remove the evidence.
That's right. I just accused Karl Rove and Dick Cheney of eating people. I'm a Bush supporter. I'm trying to manage expectations. I think a news report discovering that Rove and Cheney regularly feast on the flesh of the living is the only thing that would surprise people at this point. Remember that guy Cheney shot last year? Anyone see him lately? I'm not even sure Judge Logic can rule human cannibalism out of order.
What if someone left society ten years ago, near the beginning of Clinton's second term when the biggest scandal was related to unauthorized poo-tang, and called an old friend today to catch up. "How's the new guy doing? "What? What? WHAT? Then you re-elected him? WHAT?"
If Alberto Gonzales doesn't get fired from his job by the end of the week, he might as well start walking around in the nude with only a sprinkled, pink-frosted donut around his penis, because then there will be nothing he can do to get fired. And that's a pretty good reason to walk around with a perpetual boner.
Tony Kornheiser has a humorous recap of the event I'm alluding to if you missed it. At this point, the only reason I can fathom that Bush hasn't thrown Gonzales to the sharks, fishes, crabs, shrimp, and every other metaphorical sea creature that thinks he should be fired is that Gonzales knows where some bodies are buried. Not body. Bodies. Bush can handle one body. If you want to why Karl Rove and Dick Cheney are overweight, all I can say is salt, pepper, a pat of butter, and a strong desire to remove the evidence.
That's right. I just accused Karl Rove and Dick Cheney of eating people. I'm a Bush supporter. I'm trying to manage expectations. I think a news report discovering that Rove and Cheney regularly feast on the flesh of the living is the only thing that would surprise people at this point. Remember that guy Cheney shot last year? Anyone see him lately? I'm not even sure Judge Logic can rule human cannibalism out of order.
What if someone left society ten years ago, near the beginning of Clinton's second term when the biggest scandal was related to unauthorized poo-tang, and called an old friend today to catch up. "How's the new guy doing? "What? What? WHAT? Then you re-elected him? WHAT?"
If Alberto Gonzales doesn't get fired from his job by the end of the week, he might as well start walking around in the nude with only a sprinkled, pink-frosted donut around his penis, because then there will be nothing he can do to get fired. And that's a pretty good reason to walk around with a perpetual boner.
May 16, 2007
Voting Rights for Former Felons
Maryland was one of 11 states that banned anyone convicted of a felony from voting ever again, even after he or she completed his sentence. I'm happy that Gov. Martin O'Malley removed this ban when he signed the Voting Registration Protection Act.
Lifetime voting bans against former felons are one of the most backwards, punitive measures I can think of. We need to reintroduce former criminals into society, not shut them out more. This is silly that I have to say this, but once you serve your punishment, you should stop being punished.
These bans are difficult to overturn because as a constituent group, former felons have little influence. They are a politically-risky group to fight for, and what are they going to do, threaten to vote a politician out of office?
I'm even in favor of felons being allowed to vote while they are still serving time. I don't see the harm in letting them do so, or the benefit of further disconnecting them from civic life. In our lust for punishment, I think we focus solely on "How can we hurt this person who hurt us?" and not consider what's best for society.
I'm not arguing we eschew punishment for those who commit crimes. My point is that that we should switch from being vindictive to selfish. How does Law X help us? Forget whether it harms or helps the inmate. What will help us, namely, what will prevent a former criminal from committing a crime again?
Usually, that means programs that reconnect and reintegrate prisoners into society: prison libraries, job training, voting, and similar programs. But some people are against these programs solely because these measures aren't vindictive. It reminds me of the old saying, "Cutting your nose off to spite your face." I don't get the origin of the saying--who said our face liked our nose to begin with? But it's a good point. Why harm someone if it ends up harming ourselves? Let's do what is best for us, and not care if that happens to mean helping prisoners too.
Lifetime voting bans against former felons are one of the most backwards, punitive measures I can think of. We need to reintroduce former criminals into society, not shut them out more. This is silly that I have to say this, but once you serve your punishment, you should stop being punished.
These bans are difficult to overturn because as a constituent group, former felons have little influence. They are a politically-risky group to fight for, and what are they going to do, threaten to vote a politician out of office?
I'm even in favor of felons being allowed to vote while they are still serving time. I don't see the harm in letting them do so, or the benefit of further disconnecting them from civic life. In our lust for punishment, I think we focus solely on "How can we hurt this person who hurt us?" and not consider what's best for society.
I'm not arguing we eschew punishment for those who commit crimes. My point is that that we should switch from being vindictive to selfish. How does Law X help us? Forget whether it harms or helps the inmate. What will help us, namely, what will prevent a former criminal from committing a crime again?
Usually, that means programs that reconnect and reintegrate prisoners into society: prison libraries, job training, voting, and similar programs. But some people are against these programs solely because these measures aren't vindictive. It reminds me of the old saying, "Cutting your nose off to spite your face." I don't get the origin of the saying--who said our face liked our nose to begin with? But it's a good point. Why harm someone if it ends up harming ourselves? Let's do what is best for us, and not care if that happens to mean helping prisoners too.
May 15, 2007
WP Headlines
Alleged Cyber-Stalker Served With E-Lawsuit
Faces up to 1001 years in E-Jail
Leagues Unite to Battle Drugs
Justice League, Fantastic Four promise to render upon drugs holy mutant justice
No Neutral Ground in War Over Lyme Disease
We can’t even talk about tics without phrasing it as a war? It’s a disease, not a car bomb. “You’re either with us or against us.” Who’s the opposition, Scientologists?
Lovely. Two things I don’t give a shit about in one headline.
Deputy Attorney General Announces Resignation
That's senior official #4. Is anyone left? I envision Gonzalez sitting alone at his desk in a dusty, sunlight room. A squeak echoes through the halls. “Someone there? I’m free if you want to talk. I bought some jelly beans. They’re on my desk. Come on in. Hello?”
Faces up to 1001 years in E-Jail
Leagues Unite to Battle Drugs
Justice League, Fantastic Four promise to render upon drugs holy mutant justice
No Neutral Ground in War Over Lyme Disease
We can’t even talk about tics without phrasing it as a war? It’s a disease, not a car bomb. “You’re either with us or against us.” Who’s the opposition, Scientologists?
- SCIENTOLOGIST1: “Hey, guys. Want to be against Lyme Disease?”
- SCIENTOLOGIST2: “Why the heck not? Send a memo to Tom, tell him they’re from the planet Lymos, and add it to the pile."
Lovely. Two things I don’t give a shit about in one headline.
Deputy Attorney General Announces Resignation
That's senior official #4. Is anyone left? I envision Gonzalez sitting alone at his desk in a dusty, sunlight room. A squeak echoes through the halls. “Someone there? I’m free if you want to talk. I bought some jelly beans. They’re on my desk. Come on in. Hello?”
May 11, 2007
May 10, 2007
I Know It's Wrong To Admire Him...
...but I can't help it.
Armless man eludes police in high-speed car chase
The story is even better than the headline. Not only is this guy, Michael Wiley, driving around with no arms and escaping the cops, he is a mean son-of-a-bitch. He has been arrested before drug and abuse charges, and has had his driver's license revoked. Armless doesn't cover it. He doesn't even have two legs. One of them was damaged in the electrical accident that made him armless. You know why he spent time in jail in 1996?
He kicked a state trooper.
An able-bodied person attacking a police officer is wrong. But when an armless, one-legged man kicks a cop, maybe he has a legitimate beef with the police. If you lose three out of four appendages, whatever you do with the fourth appendage becomes real important. Priority 1. This guy isn't patting his head and rubbing his belly at the same time. He's making choices.
That must have been embarrassing for the kicked trooper. How did the officer not see it coming? Wiley has one leg. His hand-to-hand combat options are limited. He's either hopping away or taking a stand. You don't even need to figure out which leg he is going to use. Cover your crotch and watch for arm bites. Not too complicated.
What I like about this story is that is about a disabled person who is absolutely, completely anti-inspirational. It's not about challenges that the mundane activities of life pose for the disabled. Wiley isn't fulfilling a dream of hopping up Mt. Kilimanjaro or grooming rescue dogs with a comb attachment for his big toe.
It's about a mean, probably horrible man with no obvious redeeming qualities who, when faced with a long, uphill battle to overcome his disability and use the challenge as motivation for life, said: "Screw it. I'm racing cops." It's a type of disabled person never promoted in the media, and I'm glad to have heard of him. Even positive stereotypes gets in the way of viewing people as individuals, and not just as a member of a group.
Armless man eludes police in high-speed car chase
The story is even better than the headline. Not only is this guy, Michael Wiley, driving around with no arms and escaping the cops, he is a mean son-of-a-bitch. He has been arrested before drug and abuse charges, and has had his driver's license revoked. Armless doesn't cover it. He doesn't even have two legs. One of them was damaged in the electrical accident that made him armless. You know why he spent time in jail in 1996?
He kicked a state trooper.
An able-bodied person attacking a police officer is wrong. But when an armless, one-legged man kicks a cop, maybe he has a legitimate beef with the police. If you lose three out of four appendages, whatever you do with the fourth appendage becomes real important. Priority 1. This guy isn't patting his head and rubbing his belly at the same time. He's making choices.
That must have been embarrassing for the kicked trooper. How did the officer not see it coming? Wiley has one leg. His hand-to-hand combat options are limited. He's either hopping away or taking a stand. You don't even need to figure out which leg he is going to use. Cover your crotch and watch for arm bites. Not too complicated.
What I like about this story is that is about a disabled person who is absolutely, completely anti-inspirational. It's not about challenges that the mundane activities of life pose for the disabled. Wiley isn't fulfilling a dream of hopping up Mt. Kilimanjaro or grooming rescue dogs with a comb attachment for his big toe.
It's about a mean, probably horrible man with no obvious redeeming qualities who, when faced with a long, uphill battle to overcome his disability and use the challenge as motivation for life, said: "Screw it. I'm racing cops." It's a type of disabled person never promoted in the media, and I'm glad to have heard of him. Even positive stereotypes gets in the way of viewing people as individuals, and not just as a member of a group.
May 03, 2007
The Petulant Pessimist
"I hate lemonade. I don't want to make it."
The Optimist's Optimist
"I don't need to make lemonade. I love lemons!"
The Literalist
"How is making lemonade going to help me get through breast cancer?"
The Polite Cola Drinker
"Life, don't get me wrong. I appreciate the lemons. But lemonade isn't my thing. It's still sour. I mean, it comes from lemons. I'll tell you what. Next Pepsi, I'll squeeze a little in.
The Metaphorist
"Lemons, bad event. Lemonade, using the bad event to spur something good in life. But what does the rest mean? Okay, this is going to sound weird, but stick with me. The sugar: positive attitude. The stirrer: motivation and support. The container: the limits of individualism. Oh, come on, You didn't even think about it. Look, I said it would sound weird. Fine, do you have a better explanation? Yeah. Didn't think so."
The Lemon
"Oooh, that feels good. Hey, what are you doing with that knife?"
On Lemon Seeds
"When life gives you lemons, life also gives you a dozen little miniature lemon packets embedded in the original lemon, just in case you have any hope of not being completely screwed."
The Optimist's Optimist
"I don't need to make lemonade. I love lemons!"
The Literalist
"How is making lemonade going to help me get through breast cancer?"
The Polite Cola Drinker
"Life, don't get me wrong. I appreciate the lemons. But lemonade isn't my thing. It's still sour. I mean, it comes from lemons. I'll tell you what. Next Pepsi, I'll squeeze a little in.
The Metaphorist
"Lemons, bad event. Lemonade, using the bad event to spur something good in life. But what does the rest mean? Okay, this is going to sound weird, but stick with me. The sugar: positive attitude. The stirrer: motivation and support. The container: the limits of individualism. Oh, come on, You didn't even think about it. Look, I said it would sound weird. Fine, do you have a better explanation? Yeah. Didn't think so."
The Lemon
"Oooh, that feels good. Hey, what are you doing with that knife?"
On Lemon Seeds
"When life gives you lemons, life also gives you a dozen little miniature lemon packets embedded in the original lemon, just in case you have any hope of not being completely screwed."
April 28, 2007
Small Rant
Why is it so difficult to print a playlist in Windows Media Player? It's one of the most simple and needed functions for a media player, and WMP doesn't have an option for it. You need to download a third-party program, and the program is buggy and I can't get it to work yet.
A college computer student would probably write one in half-an-hour. A playlist is just a bunch of metadata, right? Song titles, artist names, file locations, and so on. I suspect all of this information could be saved in a text file if disk space and efficiency weren't concerns. Yet it's not in WMP 11. Maybe Microsoft is saving it for WMP 27. "Awesome! WMP 27 totally crushes WMP 1-26. Now I can do this incredibly useful and easy-to-code function! Oh, what wonders will WMP 28 bring? What forth magic?"
I know how petty these concerns are in the grand scheme of things, yet they still annoy me. Some things are so simple that I don't understand why they aren't implemented from the start.
A college computer student would probably write one in half-an-hour. A playlist is just a bunch of metadata, right? Song titles, artist names, file locations, and so on. I suspect all of this information could be saved in a text file if disk space and efficiency weren't concerns. Yet it's not in WMP 11. Maybe Microsoft is saving it for WMP 27. "Awesome! WMP 27 totally crushes WMP 1-26. Now I can do this incredibly useful and easy-to-code function! Oh, what wonders will WMP 28 bring? What forth magic?"
I know how petty these concerns are in the grand scheme of things, yet they still annoy me. Some things are so simple that I don't understand why they aren't implemented from the start.
April 19, 2007
Art and Joan, You're Getting Your Mail!
Four months ago, a few weeks before Christmas, my roommates and I received a red envelope at our home in Washington D.C. The address was a little off. We live on 10th St. S.E. The letter was addressed to 10th Ave E.
And it was addressed to West Fargo, North Dakota.
Oopsie!
I assumed it was a Christmas card and, as a responsible citizen, quickly showed it to as many friends and family as possible, took a few photos of it, and promptly forgot about it for the next five months.
That is a slight exaggeration. I did reinsert it into the mail slot. The mail carrier didn't pick it up. Hey, buddy, I don't blame you. Not your state, nor your problem. I tossed it on a pile of junk mail, made a vague notion to do something about it, sometime, preferably soon, like before May.
And I did! I unearthed it while cleaning up a few days ago, beating the deadline that I have a very clear memory of probably making. I took action, removing the red missive from the pile of old Val-U-Pak coupons and letters of various importance for former housemates that they have no chance of receiving unless they get severe amnesia, turn to a life of crime, and then break into the house, creating a confusing and awkward moment for all when they see a pile of mail addressed to themselves, on top of our liquor cabinet and weighed down by an old, rotting onion.
The letter in hand, I vowed to make one more attempt to guide it back into the U.S. Postal System. Now is not your time, little one. This time, I would ensure the post carrier took the lost letter by writing "Misdelivered" on it, because evidentially "North Dakota" wasn't vaulting over the Try Again bar.
I gave up after writing the "M". I only had a red pen, and since the envelope was red (I give no extraneous details!) the writing was illegible.
What to do? Get a black pen, you say? Well, cowboy, here's the problem: the black pen was upstairs. I was downstairs. Lazy people don't go up and down the same flight of stairs unless it's an emergency. The practice is inefficient, and once we start, who knows what horrible chores our feet may take us to?
Instead, I left it on the dining room table, where one of my two roommates would surely see it and handle the situation, or at least have a dark-ink pen.
Alex ended up having the right equipment + gumption to do the job. I provided supervision, namely asking "Do you have a black pen?" and "Would you mind writing 'Misdelivered' on this letter?" I pointed out my red M, lest she think I was lazy and didn't follow through with my tasks. I also stopped her from opening the letter and peeking inside. She'll claim she was joking, but I think my tut-tutting and a weak bond of paper and glue were all that was protecting Art and Joan's perverted secrets.
Art, Joan, your letter is on the way. I hope your friendship with the sender is still intact. If it isn't, that's okay, because you two would have to be big jerks to break a friendship over a missed Christmas Card. Merry Christmas. I'll assume you'll write a wonderful thank you note to me, and that it will get lost in the mail.
And it was addressed to West Fargo, North Dakota.
Oopsie!
I assumed it was a Christmas card and, as a responsible citizen, quickly showed it to as many friends and family as possible, took a few photos of it, and promptly forgot about it for the next five months.
That is a slight exaggeration. I did reinsert it into the mail slot. The mail carrier didn't pick it up. Hey, buddy, I don't blame you. Not your state, nor your problem. I tossed it on a pile of junk mail, made a vague notion to do something about it, sometime, preferably soon, like before May.
And I did! I unearthed it while cleaning up a few days ago, beating the deadline that I have a very clear memory of probably making. I took action, removing the red missive from the pile of old Val-U-Pak coupons and letters of various importance for former housemates that they have no chance of receiving unless they get severe amnesia, turn to a life of crime, and then break into the house, creating a confusing and awkward moment for all when they see a pile of mail addressed to themselves, on top of our liquor cabinet and weighed down by an old, rotting onion.
The letter in hand, I vowed to make one more attempt to guide it back into the U.S. Postal System. Now is not your time, little one. This time, I would ensure the post carrier took the lost letter by writing "Misdelivered" on it, because evidentially "North Dakota" wasn't vaulting over the Try Again bar.
I gave up after writing the "M". I only had a red pen, and since the envelope was red (I give no extraneous details!) the writing was illegible.
What to do? Get a black pen, you say? Well, cowboy, here's the problem: the black pen was upstairs. I was downstairs. Lazy people don't go up and down the same flight of stairs unless it's an emergency. The practice is inefficient, and once we start, who knows what horrible chores our feet may take us to?
Instead, I left it on the dining room table, where one of my two roommates would surely see it and handle the situation, or at least have a dark-ink pen.
Alex ended up having the right equipment + gumption to do the job. I provided supervision, namely asking "Do you have a black pen?" and "Would you mind writing 'Misdelivered' on this letter?" I pointed out my red M, lest she think I was lazy and didn't follow through with my tasks. I also stopped her from opening the letter and peeking inside. She'll claim she was joking, but I think my tut-tutting and a weak bond of paper and glue were all that was protecting Art and Joan's perverted secrets.
Art, Joan, your letter is on the way. I hope your friendship with the sender is still intact. If it isn't, that's okay, because you two would have to be big jerks to break a friendship over a missed Christmas Card. Merry Christmas. I'll assume you'll write a wonderful thank you note to me, and that it will get lost in the mail.
From a Redneck Athiest
I got a message for all you illegal evangelical Christians speaking in tongues. "Goobitty goobitty gobity goobitty."
This is America. You speak in tongues in English.
This is America. You speak in tongues in English.
April 14, 2007
DC Comedy Fest 07 and WoW
The DC Comedy Fest started last Thursday and ends tonight. I volunteered to take tickets and got a nifty T-shirt and a staff badge. On the badge is the customary comedy festival "I have to pee" icon, with the American flag waving proudly in the background. "Oh, say can you see..." Every time I see that bladder controlled-challenged, unisex hermaphrodite, a tear wells up in my eye. God bless comedy.
Watching stand-up comedy makes me long to get back into the scene and regret the time I wasted away playing computer games alone at home. I got sucked into World of Warcraft, a popular online game, for the past two months.
This is true: I have a half-written post about WoW making fun of the game, while I was playing it during a trial period. I didn't finish the game because midway through writing it my rogue reached level 20 and got the ability to apply poison to his blade. Then me and a raiding party killed Lord Meneon, and after a successful greed roll on the loot, I got the Tunic of Westfall, and then Lady Elvira flew down on her magical Griffin, and...
I need help. Help rescuing the Prince of Stormwind, who was absconded by a band of bandits and taken to...
No! I need real help. This game is addicting, and I have no self-control. This is also true: I canceled my account over a month ago because I felt I was wasting my life away on the game. On my last paid day, I killed a Feral Rage Scar Yeti (just keeping it real, people). and the monster drops an extremely rare, 1 in 10,000 chance sword. It's the WoW equivalent of kicking a bear and having the Hope Diamond pop out of its ass. Well, maybe I can renew for one more month...
Days later, I was killing Primal Oozes while yelling, "You ooze, you lose!" I got a few game pets, a cat (named him Dog), a bear (Unbearable), a boar (I'mBoard), and a crab (CrabbyMcClaws).
A few weeks after that, the start-up screen hint started displaying, "Do everything in moderation, even World of Warcraft!" You know there's a problem when your computer tells you to take it easy.
I got to the point yesterday where I opened up the parent control panel and limited my play time during the week. 10 p.m.-12 a.m. on weekdays, early in the morning on weekends to motivate me to get up and after 10 on weekends so I'm not tempted to stay home and play.
It's working well so far. Technically, there is nothing stopping me from disabling the restriction, but that extra step is enough for now to get me to stop. If I find myself slipping back, I'm going to put a random password in the Parental Control account so the change will be permanent.
Which means I'll be writing more posts, and doing other creative activities like taking photos and posting them on my Flickr account. Even if this break ends up being short-lived, a small break is better than no break. Which is also the motto of my Orc character, Sir ThugALot.
Watching stand-up comedy makes me long to get back into the scene and regret the time I wasted away playing computer games alone at home. I got sucked into World of Warcraft, a popular online game, for the past two months.
This is true: I have a half-written post about WoW making fun of the game, while I was playing it during a trial period. I didn't finish the game because midway through writing it my rogue reached level 20 and got the ability to apply poison to his blade. Then me and a raiding party killed Lord Meneon, and after a successful greed roll on the loot, I got the Tunic of Westfall, and then Lady Elvira flew down on her magical Griffin, and...
I need help. Help rescuing the Prince of Stormwind, who was absconded by a band of bandits and taken to...
No! I need real help. This game is addicting, and I have no self-control. This is also true: I canceled my account over a month ago because I felt I was wasting my life away on the game. On my last paid day, I killed a Feral Rage Scar Yeti (just keeping it real, people). and the monster drops an extremely rare, 1 in 10,000 chance sword. It's the WoW equivalent of kicking a bear and having the Hope Diamond pop out of its ass. Well, maybe I can renew for one more month...
Days later, I was killing Primal Oozes while yelling, "You ooze, you lose!" I got a few game pets, a cat (named him Dog), a bear (Unbearable), a boar (I'mBoard), and a crab (CrabbyMcClaws).
A few weeks after that, the start-up screen hint started displaying, "Do everything in moderation, even World of Warcraft!" You know there's a problem when your computer tells you to take it easy.
I got to the point yesterday where I opened up the parent control panel and limited my play time during the week. 10 p.m.-12 a.m. on weekdays, early in the morning on weekends to motivate me to get up and after 10 on weekends so I'm not tempted to stay home and play.
It's working well so far. Technically, there is nothing stopping me from disabling the restriction, but that extra step is enough for now to get me to stop. If I find myself slipping back, I'm going to put a random password in the Parental Control account so the change will be permanent.
Which means I'll be writing more posts, and doing other creative activities like taking photos and posting them on my Flickr account. Even if this break ends up being short-lived, a small break is better than no break. Which is also the motto of my Orc character, Sir ThugALot.
April 03, 2007
High Court Faults EPA Inaction on Emissions
From the WP:
- The Supreme Court rebuked the Bush administration yesterday for refusing to regulate greenhouse gas emissions, siding with environmentalists in the court's first examination of the phenomenon of global warming.
Watch "This American Life"
The popular public radio show debuted its television version on Showtime last week. I'm watching it right now--Showtime is letting people watch the first (and future?) episode for free.
March 31, 2007
My Favorite Scam Site
Maybe Google is trying to tell me something by showing text ads for scams when I'm reading email from friends. Nice try, Meghan. You almost got me with Earth Day.
One ad has appeared several times and it is by far my favorite. It's a scam site about scam sites.
The brazenness of the entire enterprise is awesome. What's so funny is that the web site creator, "Danny", made the absolute minimum effort to fool people. It's Scam 1.0 from Web 1.0--no snazzy graphics or official-sounding dummy corporation like "Consumer Protection League" or "Web Business Bureau".
He didn't even bother to put names on the fake testimonials. How lazy is that? That's one of the reasons I like Danny's Scam Review. Danny has absolutely no respect for his target audience. I suspect if someone signed up for one of the scams he recommended, Danny would send that person an email saying "Got you, dipshit" followed by an ad for Donny's Scam Review beneath it ("Don't listen to Danny! These are the real non-scams!")
Some would assume that Danny is another morally bankrupt scam site operator willing to exploit people's gullibility for a quick buck. I don't. This web site is the equivalent of placing a wastebasket on the street with a sign that says, "PUT MONEY IN HERE." He set the stupidity bar so high that it almost absolves him from any moral culpability.
The underlying principle is that the amount of energy one puts towards tricking someone is tied to the amount of responsibility one has for the consequences. If you believe me if I tell you my name is JuJu the Conquerer, and I am wearing an ID badge with my photo and the name "Jason" on it, shame on you. If you believe me if I tell you my name is Ben, and I forge an ID with that name on it and get a friend to yell, "Hey, Ben!" when I am talking to you, then shame on me.
I suppose "Danny" is trying to trick people, but the effort put forth is so minimal that if it works, can he be blamed? I'm half-tempted to start Donny's Scam Review site, which would trash Danny and tell you the real secret information: it's all a scam. Except MakeMoneyWithJuJu.com.
One ad has appeared several times and it is by far my favorite. It's a scam site about scam sites.
The brazenness of the entire enterprise is awesome. What's so funny is that the web site creator, "Danny", made the absolute minimum effort to fool people. It's Scam 1.0 from Web 1.0--no snazzy graphics or official-sounding dummy corporation like "Consumer Protection League" or "Web Business Bureau".
He didn't even bother to put names on the fake testimonials. How lazy is that? That's one of the reasons I like Danny's Scam Review. Danny has absolutely no respect for his target audience. I suspect if someone signed up for one of the scams he recommended, Danny would send that person an email saying "Got you, dipshit" followed by an ad for Donny's Scam Review beneath it ("Don't listen to Danny! These are the real non-scams!")
Some would assume that Danny is another morally bankrupt scam site operator willing to exploit people's gullibility for a quick buck. I don't. This web site is the equivalent of placing a wastebasket on the street with a sign that says, "PUT MONEY IN HERE." He set the stupidity bar so high that it almost absolves him from any moral culpability.
The underlying principle is that the amount of energy one puts towards tricking someone is tied to the amount of responsibility one has for the consequences. If you believe me if I tell you my name is JuJu the Conquerer, and I am wearing an ID badge with my photo and the name "Jason" on it, shame on you. If you believe me if I tell you my name is Ben, and I forge an ID with that name on it and get a friend to yell, "Hey, Ben!" when I am talking to you, then shame on me.
I suppose "Danny" is trying to trick people, but the effort put forth is so minimal that if it works, can he be blamed? I'm half-tempted to start Donny's Scam Review site, which would trash Danny and tell you the real secret information: it's all a scam. Except MakeMoneyWithJuJu.com.
March 28, 2007
March 23, 2007
How I Almost Killed Pancake City
Subtitle: Finally, it's finished.
I love my family. They are my biggest support network and constantly share their kindness with me. I wonder who reads my web page, but I know my family does. When I ran a contest a few weeks ago, Tina was the first to fulfill the stringent requirements (post a comment) and "won" a cartoon based on a word or phrase of her choice.
Her choice was "space monkey balls," which I later learned was her variation of my Flickr account name. Time passed. She bugged me about my progress. "Still in the conceptual phase, Tina. I'll have it done soon. Probably tomorrow. Tuesday at the latest."
More time passed. I had some difficultly moving past the conceptual phase, i.e. a sheet of paper separated in uneven quadrants. Tina kept bugging me. Finally, to motivate myself and to show my sister how important it was for me to make a cartoon for her, contrary to my lack of action, I said: "I tell you what. I won't make another post until I finish your cartoon."
Dumb idea. The overall dumbness of the idea is that if I had the skills to make workable self-motivation plans, I wouldn't have needed to make that promise in the first place.
The specific dumbness of the idea is that I, an incredibly lazy person, said, nay, promised, laid my integrity on the line, that come Satan's dominion or a great flood, I just wasn't going to do the ordinary work I avoid doing until I do the extra work that I'm really trying to avoid doing.
That happened two, three weeks ago? I could check, but again, re: laziness. What finally motivated me is Tina driving four hours to here to celebrate her birthday this weekend. The threat of a face-to-face meeting was a shameful enough thought to spur me to get the cartoon done.
Also, and I wish I was making this up, I kind of don't have her Christmas gift done yet, and I am hoping this appeases her for a few days.
The cartoon.
I love my family. They are my biggest support network and constantly share their kindness with me. I wonder who reads my web page, but I know my family does. When I ran a contest a few weeks ago, Tina was the first to fulfill the stringent requirements (post a comment) and "won" a cartoon based on a word or phrase of her choice.
Her choice was "space monkey balls," which I later learned was her variation of my Flickr account name. Time passed. She bugged me about my progress. "Still in the conceptual phase, Tina. I'll have it done soon. Probably tomorrow. Tuesday at the latest."
More time passed. I had some difficultly moving past the conceptual phase, i.e. a sheet of paper separated in uneven quadrants. Tina kept bugging me. Finally, to motivate myself and to show my sister how important it was for me to make a cartoon for her, contrary to my lack of action, I said: "I tell you what. I won't make another post until I finish your cartoon."
Dumb idea. The overall dumbness of the idea is that if I had the skills to make workable self-motivation plans, I wouldn't have needed to make that promise in the first place.
The specific dumbness of the idea is that I, an incredibly lazy person, said, nay, promised, laid my integrity on the line, that come Satan's dominion or a great flood, I just wasn't going to do the ordinary work I avoid doing until I do the extra work that I'm really trying to avoid doing.
That happened two, three weeks ago? I could check, but again, re: laziness. What finally motivated me is Tina driving four hours to here to celebrate her birthday this weekend. The threat of a face-to-face meeting was a shameful enough thought to spur me to get the cartoon done.
Also, and I wish I was making this up, I kind of don't have her Christmas gift done yet, and I am hoping this appeases her for a few days.
The cartoon.
March 07, 2007
Dude, Where's My Crust?
Someone--most likely evil space aliens (as if there were any other type!)--stole a large part of the Earth's crust.
That's not the fancy-shmancy "scientific" view, but dude, come on. It's obvious aliens took it to build more moon condos. Wake up and smell the coffee, which is made from dead bug larva. From the moooooon!
That's not the fancy-shmancy "scientific" view, but dude, come on. It's obvious aliens took it to build more moon condos. Wake up and smell the coffee, which is made from dead bug larva. From the moooooon!
March 04, 2007
The Other 364 Days
DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Hello,
DISC JOCKEY2 VO: “More like “Smogshine” today. Yuck yuck!”
Bauer whacks snooze button.
Bauer’s alarm goes off.
STACY VO: "Bad news, Bob. Route 1 West is bumper to bumper after a tractor trailer hit another tractor trailer, which hit a school bus full of kittens. It’s going to be hours before—"
Bauer whacks snooze button.
Bauer’s alarm goes off.
DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Okay, Leslie. If you can scream like a hyena for 107 seconds non-stop, we’ll give you 107 dollars of Q Cash. Go!”
LESLIE: "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Bauer grabs alarm clock and throws it across the room.
7:45 A.M.
Bauer is wearing an undershirt and boxers. He brushes his teeth for a few seconds, lifts up his undershirt, looks at his beer belly from the side, and sighs.
Bauer is in a Laundromat, removing laundry from a dryer. He hears a sharp sound. He quickly ducks and rolls to the side, coming up with his gun drawn. A squeaky rat scurries past him.
Bauer is making soup. He adds some vegetables, and then a skinned rat. The phone rings.
BAUER: “Bauer.” [caller says something unintelligble] “You have 15 seconds. Tell me everything you know about MCI.”
12:51:57
BAUER: “...and then my daughter, Kim, gets kidnapped, get this. Not once, not twice. Three times. In one day. [garbled] Yeah. Totally unbelievable. Wow, I can’t believe I finally told someone about my feelings. You’re a great listener. [long garbled] Uh, the thing is, CTU has a long-term contract with AT&T, and... [quickly] Gotta go.”
Bauer hangs up. The phone rings again. Bauer hesitates. He quickly picks up the phone and hangs it up again.
2:15 P.M.
BAUER is standing in front of a full-length mirror, and holding a long, pink dress. He holds it close to him, as if imagining what he looks like in it. He then throws the dress on the ground, too ashamed to look at it.”
BAUER: “No, no!”
3:30 P.M.
A teddy bear is tied to a chair. The bear is in poor condition. It is dirty and has a few limbs and body parts disconnected from his body. Bauer is holding a red and blue wire connected to a battery.
BAUER: “Where is the bomb? Where is the bomb! [pause] You brought this on yourself.”
BAUER shocks the teddy bear with the wires.
Bauer is watching a small TV in a dim-lit living room.
OPRAH VO: “Today on Oprah: Estranged fathers reunite with their sons.”
Bauer tears up and cries.
9:45 P.M.
BAUER is sitting on his bed, twiddling his fingers. He makes a phone call.
VOICE: “Hello, this is Audrey.” [BAUER breathes heavily] Hello?”
BAUER hangs up. He sighs, crawls into bed, and turns off the light.
March 01, 2007
Gmail Trivia
I had no idea: Gmail doesn't recognize dots in an email address. Yourname@gmail.com is functionally the same as Y.o.u.r...n.a.m.e@gmail.com .
February 27, 2007
Gardening Advice Needed
I'm living in a house with a yard for the first time in years. It's a small yard, but enough for a few flowers.
I haven't made a garden before and don't know what to do. What are some spring flowers I can get that are easy to plant and take care of? What is the prep work I need to do? Do I need a Garden Weasel? I hope so. They look weaselly fun. Hey, weaselly is a real word. That's boomtastic. Damn. Right-click, Add to Dictionary. YES. Boomtastic.
I haven't made a garden before and don't know what to do. What are some spring flowers I can get that are easy to plant and take care of? What is the prep work I need to do? Do I need a Garden Weasel? I hope so. They look weaselly fun. Hey, weaselly is a real word. That's boomtastic. Damn. Right-click, Add to Dictionary. YES. Boomtastic.
Randon Pancake City Contest
First person to leave a comment for this post and has the ability to read directions wins!
The directions: Leave a random word or phrase--anything goes--as a comment. I'll make a cartoon inspired by your suggestion.
The directions: Leave a random word or phrase--anything goes--as a comment. I'll make a cartoon inspired by your suggestion.
No, Really
"Nerdcore hip hop, or geeksta rap, is a subgenre of hip hop music that is performed by nerds or geeks, and is characterized by themes and subject matter considered to be of general interest to nerds."
The above quote is both why I love and hate Wikipedia.
The above quote is both why I love and hate Wikipedia.
February 22, 2007
PCRN2~ Update
Check this post for the radio show link at 7:45 p.m. EST.
Update: Da link. Show stars at 8:00 p.m.
Update: Da link. Show stars at 8:00 p.m.
Ouch
Getting bit in the balls can really change one’s outlook on life.
Boomer, a stupid mutt that I walk, has been getting aggressive with me recently when his owner was in the house. He tore at my jacket and made a small rip in my jeans once. His owner brought over someone to work with him on Monday, and I came over to help them out.
The person his owner brought over, Diane I Don’t Know Shit About Dogs, didn’t have a good grip on the leash when she brought Boomer near me to desensitize him. He bit me on my ankle, thigh, and grazed my Voldemorts (You Know Where).
My ball sac quickly went to turtle mode, but it was too late at that point. Ouch.
The experience changed my outlook of my weekend. Up to that point, I had a great weekend:
- Friday: hung out with friends at a bar.
- Saturday: Spent time with my sisters and eat an amazing Iranian meal my Mom made for a dinner party.
- Sunday: Relaxed, read an interesting book (The Victorian Internet).
- Monday: Played with two Jack Russell’s that I adore, got bit in the balls.
- Friday: Didn’t get bit in the balls.
- Saturday: Didn’t get bit in the balls.
- Sunday: Still didn’t get bit in the balls.
- Monday: Got bit in the balls.
I’ve had trouble falling asleep this week. I still have a lot of fear and anger about the event. The physical pain was minor, but it was traumatic, and I’m still dealing with it. Also, my balls itch.
You know what’s the worst? The next day, someone at the dog care company I worked for who knew about the visit but not the details emailed me to see how it went. She asked, “How was the dog psychic?”
What? Dog psychic? Are you kidding me? The person wasn’t a dog trainer, but a dog psychic? I remembered a comment the owner made a few days ago about “the dog psychic coming by” this weekend, but I thought she was using a cutesy way to say “animal behaviorist,” not “incompetent loon”. My bad.
I do have some responsibility to ask a person’s qualifications before putting myself in a potentially dangerous situation. But is it that absurd to expect someone whose career is to work with dogs to master THE MOST BASIC RULE OF DOG TRAINING: don’t put someone, especially a stranger, in a situation where he or she can get bitten.
Boomer was lunging at me the whole time. You think her psychic powers would have tipped her off that the dog was in heat-seeking crotch mode.
More than anything, that’s what makes me angry about this situation. The dog was just being a dog, but the “professional” should have known better. On my side, I need to stop worrying about appearing rude or untrusting in situations that affect my health, whether it’s a dog trainer or a doctor.
February 20, 2007
How To Write Your Name on a Building with a Laser
And not get into trouble.
The latest project from the Graffiti Research Lab: a laser pointer synchronized with a projector that lets people write in real-time on any large, flat surface.
The latest project from the Graffiti Research Lab: a laser pointer synchronized with a projector that lets people write in real-time on any large, flat surface.
Column: The Mystical, Magical Slurpee Tour
I wrote some columns a few years ago that few of you have seen. They were on the old version of the site before I redesigned it.
(Entire redesign process: [log in to Blogger] “Oooh, new templates!” [click] “Hey, where are my columns?”
The weather forecast was wonderfully wrong today. Sixty-five degrees, sunny the whole day, and the supposed afternoon showers didn't show until nightfall. I rode my bike for an hour and a half on the local trails.
I love bike trails, but they invariably have boring names like "W&O Trail" or--when the park department wants to turn on the Shake n’ Bake--"C&O Trail."
Where is "The Trail Less Traveled"? "A Trail of Two Cities"? "T-Rail Owens?" I'm already vibrating my lips like a motorcycle when I turn corners. Silliness isn’t a problem. Reality is.
Then again, reality occasionally has its moments. After my bike ride, I was parched and went in 7-11 to buy a Slurpee. My experience, without exaggeration:
ME: "Hey, can I try the flavors? I don't know which one I want."
7-11 EMPLOYEE: "Breakfast?"
(Perhaps this is a good point to mention that I have a severe stutter and many of my conversations start with mutual confusion.)
ME: "Take two. Can I try the Slurpee flavors?"
7-11 EMPLOYEE: "Try the flavors?"
ME: "Yes!"
7-11 EMPLOYEE: [thought hard for a moment] "No?"
In my younger years, I would have left, disappointed. Not this time. One, for all I knew, he may have thought we were still talking about breakfast. Two, he made a fatal mistake. He left doubt in his voice, like a person who is asked, “Do you want me to not not punch you?” Time to repeat what I want until he caves in.
ME: "I want to try the flavors before I buy a Slurpee."
7-11 EMPLOYEE: “Um...”
ME: "I'd like to try the flavors before I buy a Slurpee."
7-11 EMPLOYEE: “Try...flavors?”
(His manager notices the commotion and comes over.)
MANAGER: "What's going on?"
7-11 EMPLOYEE (about to cry): "He wants to try the flavors."
The manager, used to serving food critics, got me a
They were both staring at me. These two were smarter than I thought. My original plan was to sample Dixie-cup sized Slurpee flavors until I was bloated, and then dash out of the store on my bike while those suckers foot the bill. But that was a trick no pony was going to pull on them.
At first, I tried to ignore them. I sipped the sour strawberry. Tangy and very promising. I advanced towards the root beer.
MANAGER: "You don't want that. It's frozen."
It didn't look more frozen than the other frozen Slurpees, but who was I to argue? I’m not an ice technician. I grabbed the handle for cherry.
MANAGER (and let me remind you that this is not made up): "That's cherry. Why do you want to try cherry?"
I turned around and gave my biggest fake smile. They both left. But her words made me think.
Perhaps his question was not accusatory but philosophical. Why did I want to try cherry? Why did I want to try any of the flavors? Why did I want to go bike riding, or eat Cheerios for breakfast, or scratch myself in CVS but refrain from doing so because of those damn 1984-style mirrors?
It tasted good. Is that enough of an answer? I feel almost sacrilegious saying this, but...could there be more to life than Slurpees?
I thought about this until I saw Blue Raspberry.
Pancake City Radio: 9:30 p.,m. EST, Thursday
Stop on by this Thursday, 2/22, and listen to Pancake City Radio from 9:00-11:00 p.,m. EST. I'll post the link a 1/2 hour before the broadcast. The music is set, and I'm going to try to put up a web page with a "Now Playing" list and record a few short comedy bits by Thursday.
The best description I can come up for the music is catchy, evocative tunes from mostly independent labels. Some of the artists: Andrew Bird, Arcade Fire, Beulah, Gnarls Barkley, Ladytron, Lampchop, M. Ward, and Over The Rhine.
I'd appreciate feedback on the audio quality, server timeouts, and other technical matters. For now, I'll be broadcasting from my computer with a limits of five listeners at a time. If you like this type of music, let me know what times and days you want the station to be on. You will likely get your wish, as you will likely be 20% of the audience.
The best description I can come up for the music is catchy, evocative tunes from mostly independent labels. Some of the artists: Andrew Bird, Arcade Fire, Beulah, Gnarls Barkley, Ladytron, Lampchop, M. Ward, and Over The Rhine.
I'd appreciate feedback on the audio quality, server timeouts, and other technical matters. For now, I'll be broadcasting from my computer with a limits of five listeners at a time. If you like this type of music, let me know what times and days you want the station to be on. You will likely get your wish, as you will likely be 20% of the audience.
February 15, 2007
Very Precious
Barry White teams up with Gollum and Smeagol.
This Original Gansta/Gandalf mash-up is pretty good too. (Explicit language. Both links from BoingBoing).
This Original Gansta/Gandalf mash-up is pretty good too. (Explicit language. Both links from BoingBoing).
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