DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Hello,
DISC JOCKEY2 VO: “More like “Smogshine” today. Yuck yuck!”
Bauer whacks snooze button.
Bauer’s alarm goes off.
STACY VO: "Bad news, Bob. Route 1 West is bumper to bumper after a tractor trailer hit another tractor trailer, which hit a school bus full of kittens. It’s going to be hours before—"
Bauer whacks snooze button.
Bauer’s alarm goes off.
DISC JOCKEY1 VO: “Okay, Leslie. If you can scream like a hyena for 107 seconds non-stop, we’ll give you 107 dollars of Q Cash. Go!”
LESLIE: "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!”
Bauer grabs alarm clock and throws it across the room.
7:45 A.M.
Bauer is wearing an undershirt and boxers. He brushes his teeth for a few seconds, lifts up his undershirt, looks at his beer belly from the side, and sighs.
Bauer is in a Laundromat, removing laundry from a dryer. He hears a sharp sound. He quickly ducks and rolls to the side, coming up with his gun drawn. A squeaky rat scurries past him.
Bauer is making soup. He adds some vegetables, and then a skinned rat. The phone rings.
BAUER: “Bauer.” [caller says something unintelligble] “You have 15 seconds. Tell me everything you know about MCI.”
12:51:57
BAUER: “...and then my daughter, Kim, gets kidnapped, get this. Not once, not twice. Three times. In one day. [garbled] Yeah. Totally unbelievable. Wow, I can’t believe I finally told someone about my feelings. You’re a great listener. [long garbled] Uh, the thing is, CTU has a long-term contract with AT&T, and... [quickly] Gotta go.”
Bauer hangs up. The phone rings again. Bauer hesitates. He quickly picks up the phone and hangs it up again.
2:15 P.M.
BAUER is standing in front of a full-length mirror, and holding a long, pink dress. He holds it close to him, as if imagining what he looks like in it. He then throws the dress on the ground, too ashamed to look at it.”
BAUER: “No, no!”
3:30 P.M.
A teddy bear is tied to a chair. The bear is in poor condition. It is dirty and has a few limbs and body parts disconnected from his body. Bauer is holding a red and blue wire connected to a battery.
BAUER: “Where is the bomb? Where is the bomb! [pause] You brought this on yourself.”
BAUER shocks the teddy bear with the wires.
Bauer is watching a small TV in a dim-lit living room.
OPRAH VO: “Today on Oprah: Estranged fathers reunite with their sons.”
Bauer tears up and cries.
9:45 P.M.
BAUER is sitting on his bed, twiddling his fingers. He makes a phone call.
VOICE: “Hello, this is Audrey.” [BAUER breathes heavily] Hello?”
BAUER hangs up. He sighs, crawls into bed, and turns off the light.
2 comments:
When did you start calling strange people and hanging up. I thought you usually made some effort to offend the random people you reach out to in the evening hours. Lost your balls?
holy crap! that was really funny jason. It's pre-7 AM, and i'm sitting here trying to stifle my laughter so i don't wake your sleepy ass up down the hall. HAHAHA! i love it!
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