I trimmed my body hair today, quashing Sasquatch, Deconstructing Harry, and giving my two albino nipples the gift of light. I also shaved my back hair using the beard trimmer on my electric razor. Do you know where those spots on your back are that you can’t scratch? I do. For $5 I’ll take a photo and send you the road map. For $7 I won’t send the photo. (Bada-bing!)
The benefits were immediate. No more towel burns from drying off. I now run faster than the lowly cheetah. And I finally found that tattoo I got one very blurry night in Ocean City when I was a freshman in college. It’s a good thing monkeys wearing diapers that say “Bad Boy” on them never go out of style.
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