J.B. (Boss)
IDEA MAN 1
IDEA MAN 2
IDEA MAN 1: But we've come up with plenty of great ideas.
IDEA MAN 2: Yeah. "My other car is also a car".
IDEA MAN 1: "Honk if you love honking".
IDEA MAN 2: "ARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!"
J.B.: Especially "ARRRRRRRRRGH!" Who wants to put "ARRRRRRRRRRGH!" on their car?
IDEA MAN 2: Pirates?
J.B.: There are no pirates! That's the point. We're targeting too narrow markets. We need to generate some ideas for a really large group.
IDEA MAN 1: The blind.
J.B.: Do I need to tell you all the ways that idea is dumb?
IDEA MAN 1: Hold on, J.B. Hear me out. We'll put an arrow on the bumper sticker in Braille so they'll know which way to stick it on their cars.
J.B.: Next.
IDEA MAN 2: I got it. Street ladies.
J.B.: No.
IDEA MAN 2: But--
J.B.: No! We're not doing a bumper sticker on street ladies.
IDEA MAN 2: But--
J.B.: No!
IDEA MAN 2: [pause, then rushed out] "If you can read this you're not in the backseat".
J.B.: Jesus Fucking Christ! We're going to be bankrupt in a month. We need to find the largest market possible. Think, people!
IDEA MAN 1: Jesus! Religion. We've never done a bumper about religion before.
J.B.: Yes. Yes! Good idea. Okay, let's think. What's a catchy bumper sticker that a religious person would buy?
IDEA MAN 1: "God Bless
J.B.: That's nice, but it's been done before.
IDEA MAN 1: No no no no. [takes out poster board + magic marker. Writes away from audience, then lifts us poster board.] "God Bless
J.B.: That's your twist?
IDEA MAN 1: Hear me out. It puts the focus on who's blessing
IDEA MAN 2: I'll take five.
IDEA MAN 1: I'll take ten!
J.B.: Underlining God isn't going to help us break into a new market.
IDEA MAN 1: But--
IDEA MAN 2: He's right. We need something bigger. To go for the gold. To...
[takes poster board, scribbles like he is making a lot of revisions.]
IDEA MAN 2: Call up the printing press and tell 'em to slap it on. "God Bless
J.B.: That just went from dumb to confusing.
IDEA MAN 1: J.B., I hear you loud and clear. Hold on.
[takes poster board, scribbles a long time, like he is making a paragraph-worth of revisions.]
IDEA MAN 1: "God Bless
IDEA MAN 2: I'll take 20.
IDEA MAN 1: I'll sell myself into prostitution to buy one.
J.B.: Look, both of you. Drop it. We need to think of a different tack.
A few moments of silence while they try to think of a solution.
IDEA MAN 2: I got it.
[takes poster board, scribbles for a few moments]
IDEA MAN 2: "God Bless
J.B.: Time to call it quits. You did two enough for today. Go home. I'll think of something myself.
IDEA MAN 2: What's wrong with "God Bless America, Motherfuckers"?
J.B.: Go.
IDEA MAN 1 + 2 hesitantly get up to leave.
IDEA MAN 1: God Bless
J.B.: Out!
IDEA MAN 2: God Bless
J.B.: Go home!
IDEA MAN 1 + 2 leave. Offstage: "Ring-ring." J.B. picks up phone.
J.B.: Hello, sir. Yes, I have something I think you'll like. " God Bless
1 comment:
That was funny. I enjoyed it. Really.. now go fuck yourself! haha.. just kidding!
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