Damn it

My roommate got me sick. I'm going to piss in his bed. I'll blame it on the dog. We don't have a dog, but I'll tell him that I brought one of my clients' dogs over and he pissed on the bed. And so he doesn't get mad at the dog, I'll get a picture of the cat hanging from the tree branch ("Hang in there!"), replace the face with the head of a really cute dog, and place it in the middle of the wet bed.

And if my roommate gets me sick again, I'm going to repeat the whole process, but this time I'm going to tell him the dog didn't leave his photo as an apology. Oh, no. It's his calling card. The psychological blow will be devastating.