Tonight on The History Channel: Top Ten Plagues

Do you know what's great about the bubonic plague? It's the perfect comedy disease. One, it sounds funny. Two, no one has it anymore, so you don't offend anyone by referencing it. You don't offend someone's mother, or grandfather, or great-grandfather. If you make a bubonic plague joke, no one is going to write you a letter saying:

"You sick bastard. My-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather's uncle's niece's sister, who was raised by baboons and was shunned by the town for her enflamed buttocks during sexual heat, died of the bubonic plague. Or a broken heart. The historical record is fuzzy.

But the point it, she was like a great-great-great-great-great nephew to me. And the pain you caused by rhyming this blight on humanity with 'Da Chronic' can never be repaired.

Shame, shame. Also, Philharmonic Plague would make a great name for a band.

Sincerely,

Phineus P. Fitzgerald"