I am disappointed at John Kerry for choosing John Edwards over the best candidate for vice-president. Namely, Lil' Jon. In my haste, I already printed several bumper stickers featuring the duo, including "Big John, Lil' Jon: 2004" and "It's time we put the vice back in vice-president."
Oh, the campaign speeches we're going to miss…
KERRY: "This November, we're going to kick those crooks out of the White House."
LIL' JON: WHAAAAAAT?
KERRY: "We're going to kick those crooks out of the White House."
LIL' JON: WHAAAAAAT?
KERRY: "We're going to kick those crooks out of the White House!"
LIL' JON: "YEAAAAAH!"
In the vice-presidential debates, Lil' Jon could have blinded Cheney with his silver-capped teeth and demanded to be addressed by Jim Lehrer as "The King of Crunk." Sure, Lil' Jon will probably reward his friends and campaign donors with rewritten laws and plum government jobs, but at least you'll know who they are as they'll be with a 10-foot radius of him at all times. Does anyone even have a clue who's in Cheney's entourage? And forget about American unilateralism. Lil' Jon always gives a shout-out to his homies and NATO allies.
Is Lil' Jon perfect? No. Cheney can out-curse him. But in all other areas, Lil' Jon would have been the choice to beat.
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