"I'm so hungry..."

"...I could eat a horse!"

I'm not impressed when people say that. Have you ever had horse before? I have. It's delicious. You add some barbeque sauce and it's a giant McRib.

I'd be more impressed if someone said, "I'm so hungry, I could eat a wad of napkins!" Napkins taste terrible. I know. I tried one. These two Golden Retrievers I walk love paper products. Every time they see a crumpled napkin or used tissue on the ground, I have to plant my feet to stop from being dragged across the street towards it. One day, I poured some ketchup on a napkin and decided to see what all the fuss is about.

Know what it tasted like? Like a napkin with ketchup on it. Stupid dogs. If anyone tells me they're so hungry they can get a napkin, I'm buying them a burger. Or, when they come back on the menu, a McRib. Which will be as soon as McDonalds can get some more horses.