I wish there were a Junkfood Olympics. I ate a box of Ho-Hos in two days and, after scarfing down the last chocolate swirl coffin and pounding it down my cake-crusted esophagus, I was ready for more. Keep in mind, I am a triathlete. At the same time, I emptied a clip of 10 mini-sized Kit-Kats in my stomach and balanced the high sugar intake with some nutritious chocolate chip granola bars, which, to a homage to the granola that inspired it, were not double-dipped in chocolate.
What would the Junkfood Olympics news coverage be like?
SWEDISH OLYMPIC TEAM WARMUP BROWNIES LACED WITH THC; WHOLE TEAM ELIMINATED
RUSSIAN DISGRACES COUNTRY, EATS APPLE
'I am a fraud', cries Sergei.
U.S. VICTORY BITTERSWEET; TEAM CAPTAIN HAS HEART ATTACK, DIES, STILL FINISHES PIE
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