Proverbs, Revised

The easiest person to deceive is yourself.
The easiest person to deceive is Stupid McStupidson. 2nd is yourself. Unless your name is Stupid McStupidson. Then you're screwed.

A bird does not sing because it has an answer. It sings because it has a song.
And that song is "In A Gadda Da Vida"

A book tightly shut is but a block of paper.
A book tightly shut is but a block of paper. Unless it's a fake book with chocolate inside. Then it's a chocolate hoarding bastard.

He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever. Unless Fool #1 asks, "Where are my pants?" and they're on his head. That's just stupid. Or if Fool #2 is a mute, and no one knows sign language, and when she tries to write down her question, people are like, "I'm illiterate. I can't read. I can't even find my pants."

I Want Some Ice Cream
Not a proverb. I just want some ice cream.