Medical Term Euphemism Watch

The man who jumped in from of Cheney's gun while the trigger was in the act of being pulled had a heart attack yesterday. Excuse me, a "minor heart attack" (AP). Where's Monty Python when you need them? ("It's just a flesh wound!").

The Washington Post decided that "minor heart attack" was a poor description, so they are describing it as a "cardiac event." I think a cardiac event occurs when the planets in the sky line up with the bird shot in the left aorta. In the actual article, the agreed-upon term is "abnormal heart rhythm." The type of heart rhythm one may have after undergoing a minor heart attack.

I have bad news: Whittington is dead. This whole incident smells of a cover-up. He probably died days ago when Cheney bludgeoned him to death with a crowbar after Whittington quipped, "Looks like there's two things you can't find: quail and WMDs."

"Whittington's" condition is gradually going to improve over the next week. The hospital will proclaim he is in perfect health. The Bush administration will release a short video of a Whittington stunt double shaking Cheney's hand. Then Whittington will die in a mysterious car accident, his car plunging over a road guard and into the river. His body will be found days later, smelling strangely of formaldehyde.

Print this post out while you can. I'm not sure how long the NSA will let me keep it online. I know I sound paranoid, but Hey Everybody, this is Jason. The above post is just a joke. Vice President Cheney is a valued public servant. Mr. Whittington is in good health. Since this whole post may confuse people, I will take it down soon. I am going on vacation for a few weeks, but when I come back, I will be writing lots more of the types of jokes that I like to write. Unless something happens to me on my vacation. LOL.