Smite, Smite, Smite!

Dear Sports God,

Please invoke your vengeful wrath and smite the writer of any sports headline that “How Ironic” can be added to the end and still make sense. As in the Washington Post headline, “Wizards Go Cold in Miami. How Ironic.” In exchange for this merciful deed, I will stop questioning your decision to bestow upon us the word winningest, and not shoot anyone if this conversation ever occurs:

SPORTS ANNOUNCER 1: ‘Terry, Clemson is going to have a tough time today. The Blue Devils are a much winninger team.”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 2: “How ironic, Jim.”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 1: “And you know what else is ironic? None of the Clemson players have sons of their own.”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 2: “And perhaps even more ironic, all of the Blue Devils’ moms are named Rosemary.”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 1: “And Roman Polanski isn’t even Roman. He’s Polish.”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 2: “And he can’t even ski!”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 1: “And most ironic of all, our producer, Ronald Murphy, is sick!”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 2: “Huh?”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 1: “I, Ron, sick—ironic!”
SPORTS ANNOUNCER 2: “You never know when to stop.”