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| After the Presidential debate this Thursday, the press will: | |
| cite the lack of a 10-point swing in Kerry's favor the next day as a clear sign his candidacy is doomed. | |
| interview ten audience members after the debate, and quote the person whose comment can be fitted into the story they wrote the night before. | |
| follow a 30 sec. story on the debate with a report on how two monkeys got into a fight in a zoo yesterday and flung poo at each other, wink wink. | |
| embrace the views of post-debate commentators who will use their mind-link with the American public to tell us why the public just doesn't like Kerry. | |
| carefully research and analyze each candidate's claims, and if one candidate distorts the truth more than the other, courageously tell it how it is. | |
| say: "Both candidates made misstatements and distorted their opponent's position. Hey, did you catch our monkey story?" | |
| run stories implying that Kerry deserves to lose because he's not willing to play dirty enough. | |
| run an editorial titled, "Why does John Kerry want to have sex with Osama bin Laden?" (Wash. Times only) | |
| Current results | |
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