First Kerry bashing, now Bush bashing. I transcribed parts of President Bush's acceptance speech over the weekend but haven't have time to post them until now.
- Tonight we set a new goal: 7 million more affordable homes in the next 10 years, so more American families will be able to open the door and say, "Welcome to my home." Then, they will be able to open their dishwasher and say, "This is my dishwasher." And "This is my cabinet" and "This is my floor. I like to stand on my floor."
We must strengthen Social Security by allowing younger workers to save some of their taxes in a personal account, a nest egg you can call your own and government can never take away.
BUSH: "Yes, like--no, no!"
Anyone who wants more details on my agenda can find them online. The web address is not very imaginative, but it's easy to remember: dickcheneyisashemale.com.
Because religious charities provide a safety net of mercy and compassion, our government must never discriminate against them. Unless these charities are trying to marry mercy and compassion, and mercy and compassion are both dudes.
Now, there are some problems with this claim. If you say the heart and soul of
In Afghanistan, terrorists have done everything they can to intimidate people, yet more than 10 million citizens have registered to vote in the October presidential election, a resounding endorsement for democracy. And there are only an estimated 9.8 million eligible voters. I hope our presidential election doesn't suffer from that kind of fraud [wink, wink].
[talking about the decision to go to war against
And I faced the kind of decision that comes only to the Oval Office, a decision no president would ask for, but must be prepared to make: Do I forget the lessons of September 11th and take the word of a madman, or do I take action to defend our country?
(
[ring, ring]
BUSH: "Hello?"
BIN LADEN: "Hello Bushie."
BUSH: "Who is this?"
BIN LADEN: "Osama bin Laden."
BUSH: ...
BIN LADEN: "I organized the bombing on the U.S.S. Cole."
BUSH: ...
BIN LADEN: "The
BUSH: I know you! You're that guy
BIN LADEN: A bad guy? Would a bad guy call to let you know that he's not going to commit terrorist attacks ever again?
BUSH: You're not?
BIN LADEN: Nope. I'm hanging up the C4. Shaving the beard. Raiding the harem and heading to
BUSH: That's good. Cause I'm not going to have anything bad happen on my watch. I'm the President.
BIN LADEN: Well, now you have nothing to worry about. Especially not next month. [snicker]
BUSH: "Wait a minute. [Bush removes a pamphlet from a drawer with the title, "National Security Briefing, "Special Edition." He unfolds the pamphlet. Inside is an image of Rumplestilksten, =, and a picture of Osama bin Laden.] I knew it! You're trying to take my baby! And my baby is [Bush looks at opposite page of pamphlet. There is a picture of a baby, =, and a map of America] my gun. You can't have my gun. It's mine. That's why it's my gun.
BIN LADEN: Bushie, come one. You have to trust me. Take my word for it.
BUSH: I don't think so. Aren't you a madman?
BIN LADEN: Well, if you read The New York Times, yes.
BUSH: Laura said never take the word of a madman. Madman, bad man. That's why they rhyme."
BIN LADEN: You know what else rhymes with madman?
BUSH: What?
BIN LADEN: Ice-cream man.
BUSH: But I love ice-cream. You ever try that Buffalo Bill with the bubblegum nose? I like to bite his nose off and say, "Gotcha!"
BIN LADEN: And if you love ice-cream, that means you love me.
BUSH: Does it? [Bush looks at pamphlet, doesn't find anything helpful] Well, tell you what. Cross your fingers, hope to die?
BIN LADEN: Well, I'd prefer if my associates died. But sure, what the heck.
BUSH: Okay. I believe you. But don't even think of double-crossing me, or I'm going to blow up your entire country.
BIN LADEN: [worried] You're going to destroy
BUSH: No,
BIN LADEN: No, I live in…yes. I live in
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