Why It's Bad To Think and Drive

I was lost in thought yesterday and ran a red light. Dumb. And that was before the police, which I will henceforth in my life refer to as the "PO-lice," pulled me over.

$156 fine. $100 for the fine, $51 for a processing fee, $5 for a local processing fee, or "Processing Fee Jr."

To those of you who don't live in Virginia, $56 for processing fees may seem exorbitant. What you don't know is that while Virginia's ticketing system is electronic and you can pay online or by phone, the driving records of the state's citizens are kept on stone slabs and can only be modified by a professional stone cutter. His name is Larry. This is also why points stay on your license for so long down here.

In that light, $56 for the services of a master stonemason is actually a bargain. I am going to include an extra $20 for his work and ask if I can come by to watch and make a paper rubbing afterwards.