December 11, 2003

Washington Post Headlines

...
Court's Ruling Maddens Groups on Left and Right
Court's ruling: Groups on left and right suck.

Gephardt Aims for Populist Iowa Win
Gephardt aims for more people to vote for him than Dean? Huh?

Rat-Borne Disease Kills Zoo Monkey
Death seen as retaliation for last week's monkey-borne disease that maimed rat. Nobody screws with the rat.

Va. Plans Felony Spam Indictments
D.A. to send 1,000 indictments to each violator.

France Mulls Ban on Head Scarves
Finally! Another country that hates Muslims as much as we do.

New Antidepressants Warning Issued
Warning: assembling pills in pattern of frowny face mitigates pills' effectiveness.

Beyonce, R. Kelly Win 4 at Billboards
Beyonce thanks family, fans; R. Kelly thanks parole agent.

Flu Vaccines Still Available in District
"Yup," says jittery suburbanites. "They sure are."

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