Loyalty

I took off last Friday. A sub walked my dogs. I was dismayed to enter my client's house yesterday and read this note that the sub left: "Mickey is such a wonderful dog! He ran up to see me when I walked in and licked my face!"

What? I walk that stinking pooch every day for six months, take one measly day off, and already he moves on to another walker? Man's best friend, my ass.

Another one of my dogs, a old beagle named Noel, knew how to keep it real. Her owner emailed me saying that she tried to bite the sub when he tried to pet her. As Martin Lawrence said in every single one of his movies, 73% episodes of "Martin", and his gripping Broadway show where he played a Tourette's patient: "That's what I'm talking about".

If my dogs don't take a finger off a stranger who walks them, then they don't really love me. And if Mickey thinks he's getting any more treats while "Kristi" can still grasp a coffee cup with ease, he's crazy as a monkey. And not party crazy, like a monkey on roller skates rolling in and out of the room. Real crazy, like putting a candle in its poo and calling it Ethel.