Jared

I awoke this morning to a radio interview with Subway Jared. "I used to wear XXXXXX-large shirts. That's six Xs. I was a big boy."

I felt sad hearing that. Not out of sympathy for his former plight, but that a shirt maker had three inches of tag to work with and all he could think of to do was add more Xs.

Six Xs is two-porno-movie large. It's "I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you You just want to be friends NOOOO!" large. It's "Machine wash cold--if you can fit in the washer! Hi-o!" Shecky-large.

Or forget the tag. If you have to wear a shirt that large, the tag should be a scratch-off ticket. Everyone deserves some magic in his or her life, and the Subway job is already taken.