August 30, 2004

Made-up Analogies

Here's a fun game you can play. Make up an analogy and sneak it into conversation like it's a commonplace figure of speech.

Like, "He's one banana short of an airplane" or "She's like Pippi Longstocking without the gauze." If you say the phrase with the right mix of snobbery and aplomb, few will have the courage to call you on your chicanery.

Of course, there is the danger of meeting someone too dumb to hide their dumbness:

"What do you think of the new guy?"
"Jon? Well...nothing."
"What do you mean, 'nothing'?"
"It's just that he seems like the type of guy who likes his ice-cream in a waffle cone, if you know what I mean."
"I don't get it."
"You know. The type of guy who washes his slacks with his underwear."
"You mean he's gay?"
"No! Come on, don't be dense. When he's in the express aisle, he only has 9 items. Got it?"
"So he's a bachelor?"
"Do I need to hire a skywriter and spell it out for you? HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF THE KEVIN BACON FAN CLUB!"
"Are you sure he's not gay?"
"You know, sometimes you're like a beer bottle without the born on date."
"I don't know what that means, but I want an apology."

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