Things You Don't Want To Hear

…about your new haircut.
"Did you do that on purpose?"

…after telling someone that you walk dogs.
"Oh, Jason. Always with the jokes."

…from an audience member at an open mike after a particularly bad stuttering day.
"What's the deal with your stuttering? I mean, you don't really stutter that much, do you?"

Speaking of which, I'll be in Baltimore at the National Stuttering Association convention for the next few days. It started today; I got back a hour ago. I rented a SUV and I'm commuting from home (60 miles one way) in an attempt to simultaneously destroy the environment and save money. You know how some people in DC sell The Washington Post or bags of fruit while people are stopped at red lights? Today, I saw a man selling hair clippers.

(About the quotes: friends told me the first two, and I was instantly amused. The third happened almost a year ago, and while I think about the comment rarely, part of me hasn't yet released the Anger Bird so it can fly over the ocean and eventually drown in the Sea of Forgiveness due to starvation, the lack of food caused by overfishing of the Carp of Seething Resentment by the Wharfing Boats of Willy-Nilly. )