I've been unemployed so long that it has made it difficult for me to relate to people.
FRIEND: "You know how alive you feel after a few cups of coffee on Monday, but as the week goes on, stress crawls over your brain and leeches the color out of your soul. Work attaches a leash to your mind, limiting where it strays. Geniality shrivels to forced smiles, the voices of your coworkers dance around your head like harpies, and by Friday, a voice you stopped listening to on Wednesday begs: "Please. Please. I want to go home."
ME: "No. I'm already home."
FRIEND: "...Do you want to see the They Might Be Giants this weekend? Tickets are only $35."
ME: "Jackass."
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