I turned on the TV; up came The Family Feud. I was about to change the channel when the contestants caught my eye. "Is that Whoopi Goldberg? And Jim Carey?" A graphic flashed by: "Celebrity Family Feud." A block-shaped older man with large sunglasses, a few strands of hair greased back and a wolfish grin stood next to Jim Carey. "Oh my god…Jack Nicholson is on the Family Feud!"
I couldn't believe my luck. What was Jack Nicholson doing on the Family Feud? Barbara Streisand, I can understand. The guy that looks like Tim Allen, I can understand. The…wait. Looks like Tim Allen?
In a harbinger of the future of intelligent television, the graphic reappeared: "Celebrity Look-Alike Family Feud." Carey's tooth was colored black. Tim Allen's skin was pale like a pearl. The women were a sea of fake diamonds with real breasts.
Except the Jack impersonator. He still looked like Jack.
***
My suggestion for the next Family Feud gimmick: "Celebrity Look-Alive Family Feud." Zombies dress up as their favorite celebrities.
HOST: "Twenty seconds on the clock. Time will begin when I finish reading the question. 'The part women find most attractive in men."
ZOMBIE GEORGE W. BUSH: "BRAAAIN!"
HOST: "Most common item purchased at the supermarket."
ZOMBIE GEORGE W. BUSH: "FRESH BRAAAIN!"
HOST: "The age at which AUGGH! [Zombie Bush bites into forehead of host. The opposing team, Zombie Jackson Five, moonwalk their way to the plump floor director.]
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