That's the headline of the latest SurveyUSA Poll from Virginia. I wonder about parts of their methodology: 1% undecideds? That's a few percentage points lower than most polls.
Regardless, there's been lots of positive news coverage about the tight race in Virginia. Kerry's odds aren't great, but they are good enough for me to bet a friend dinner that Kerry would win Virginia.
October 30, 2004
The Fridge
A few things. One, do not doubt The Fridge. Ever. The Fridge is beyond all doubt. Before The Fridge, we did not have a fridge. We have a cooler, a pack of ice, and a couple of Bud Lights named Dufner and Vanderlinden.
Two, The Fridge is always full. The Fridge is never broken. If you do not like how The Fridge is working, do not complain or wonder if you should look for a new fridge. The Fridge is not broken. You are broken. Even when you cannot see the light inside the fridge, it is there.
(Maryland beat FSU today. First time in 14 meetings. Highest-ranked team they have beaten in years.)
Two, The Fridge is always full. The Fridge is never broken. If you do not like how The Fridge is working, do not complain or wonder if you should look for a new fridge. The Fridge is not broken. You are broken. Even when you cannot see the light inside the fridge, it is there.
(Maryland beat FSU today. First time in 14 meetings. Highest-ranked team they have beaten in years.)
Almost Beyond Belief
I pledge allegiance...to the Bush?
Well, there goes the parody I was writing in response to the loyalty oaths.
The Bush Campaign: America's #1 Comedy Writing Team.
Well, there goes the parody I was writing in response to the loyalty oaths.
The Bush Campaign: America's #1 Comedy Writing Team.
October 29, 2004
Best Argument I've Heard for a Strong Youth Vote
(from a letter to Salon.com)
I will concede without too much doubt, that dukes is right, the youth vote is going to play big in this election. Besides, when have you ever seen Puffy jump into a fight that he knew he couldn't absolutely win? It's a nice way for the Puffster to do a "civic," "nonpartisan" service and put those old gun charges to rest for real.
South Park's take on Puffy's "Vote or Die" campaign Wednesday night was hilarious.
I will concede without too much doubt, that dukes is right, the youth vote is going to play big in this election. Besides, when have you ever seen Puffy jump into a fight that he knew he couldn't absolutely win? It's a nice way for the Puffster to do a "civic," "nonpartisan" service and put those old gun charges to rest for real.
South Park's take on Puffy's "Vote or Die" campaign Wednesday night was hilarious.
The Pancake City Promise
If Kerry wins, and we don't have a 2000-style dispute or recount, I'm bringing the goons in and running the political advisers out of Pancake City for a week. No posts mentioning Bush, Kerry, Iraq, WMDs, polls, political commercials, or anything even tangentially related to politics, including The Daily Show, fake news articles, parables, surveys, and links to web sites.
Just a little gloating and lots of champagne. And probalby an mp3 of a cricket chirping, because it seems like months since I've written something that's funny and not related to politics. (I know I'm setting myself for a comment like "You don't need the 'and not related to politics' part!")
Just a little gloating and lots of champagne. And probalby an mp3 of a cricket chirping, because it seems like months since I've written something that's funny and not related to politics. (I know I'm setting myself for a comment like "You don't need the 'and not related to politics' part!")
October 27, 2004
FIFTY EXTRA MINUTES!
Ghaaaaaa...
The end of the Nerd Trifecta is coming Dec. 14. I have already wet myself.
The end of the Nerd Trifecta is coming Dec. 14. I have already wet myself.
Get In The Vote
Unless Kerry wins by a sizable margin, I don't see how we're going to avoid another scenario like 2000. The GOP is working their butts off to suppress minority voters and to lay the groundwork to challenge the legitimacy of a Kerry administration.
The shameful thing about the 2000 election is that it brought to light the serious flaws we have in our process, flaws that were masked due to large margins of victories in past presidential elections. We lost a lot of credibility in the world community as advocates of democracy due to our own inability to hold an uncontested election. But it was a price we had to pay to become aware of the flaws in our antiquated process and the need for reform.
But we're not there yet. And that's the shameful thing: we were made aware of an urgent problem, given 4 years to fix it, and barely got halfway there. How the hell are we going to hold fair elections in Iraq in January if we're still fighting about our election in December?
Note: Here's the same post if this were a conservative blog:
Unless Bush wins by a sizable margin, I don't see how we're going to avoid another scenario like 2000. The DNC is working their butts off to falsely register voters and to man the polls with teams of lawyers so they can challenge the legitimacy of a Bush administration.
The shameful thing about the 2000 election is that it brought to light the serious flaws we have in our process, flaws that were masked due to large margins of victories in past presidential elections. We lost a lot of credibility in the world community as advocates of democracy due to our own inability to hold an uncontested election. But it was a price we had to pay to become aware of the flaws in our antiquated process and the need for reform.
But we're not there yet. And that's the shameful thing: we were made aware of an urgent problem, given 4 years to fix it, and barely got halfway there. How the hell are we going to hold fair elections in Iraq in January if we're still fighting about our election in December?
Note: Here's the same post if this were a conservative blog:
Unless Bush wins by a sizable margin, I don't see how we're going to avoid another scenario like 2000. The DNC is working their butts off to falsely register voters and to man the polls with teams of lawyers so they can challenge the legitimacy of a Bush administration.
October 26, 2004
What? Eminem Doesn't Like Bush?
Eminem just released a video for his new song, Mosh, that bashes the President heavily. I think his virulent sentiments is going to generate a strong backlash from his fans, who...
Oh, wait a minute. Eminem doesn't play country music for a bunch of rednecks? My bad.
I don't know if it will make a difference, but both the animation and message of his new video is awesome.
Bush has pissed off such a wide range of people, from conservative publications like the Financial Times to usually apolitical hop-hop artists, that I wonder who's left. I half-expect to see Big Bird offering kids to fly their grandparents to the polls and Snuffy next to him (her?) holding a phone in his trunk as he calls up undecided voters in Ohio. Oscar has a "Re-defeat Bush" sticker on his garbage can, and if there's going to be a recount, there's only one man to do it.
COUNT: "One vote, two vote, three votes for Kerry!"
Oh, wait a minute. Eminem doesn't play country music for a bunch of rednecks? My bad.
I don't know if it will make a difference, but both the animation and message of his new video is awesome.
Bush has pissed off such a wide range of people, from conservative publications like the Financial Times to usually apolitical hop-hop artists, that I wonder who's left. I half-expect to see Big Bird offering kids to fly their grandparents to the polls and Snuffy next to him (her?) holding a phone in his trunk as he calls up undecided voters in Ohio. Oscar has a "Re-defeat Bush" sticker on his garbage can, and if there's going to be a recount, there's only one man to do it.
COUNT: "One vote, two vote, three votes for Kerry!"
Gore Will Get Crushed
Before blogging software came into being, I had a web site for several weeks late in 2000. I found my archives on an old 1.44 mb disk and thought I would share my Nov. 1 entry with you:
As much as I want Gore to win, reality is staring me in the face. He's going to lose by a landslide tomorrow.
My sad conclusion is based on two things:
1) The Weekly Reader, a periodical for kids and teens, runs a mock election where kids vote on who they want to be the next President. They've picked the correct winner in almost every election in the past 50 years. The results just came out today, and they do not look good for Gore:
As much as I want Gore to win, reality is staring me in the face. He's going to lose by a landslide tomorrow.
My sad conclusion is based on two things:
1) The Weekly Reader, a periodical for kids and teens, runs a mock election where kids vote on who they want to be the next President. They've picked the correct winner in almost every election in the past 50 years. The results just came out today, and they do not look good for Gore:
- Bush 65.8 percent -- all states (except Delaware) and Washington D.C.
- Gore 32.6 percent -- Delaware
-
The real debate is not who is going to win the election, but whether Bush will win 308 electoral votes or 474 electoral votes. The media's fantasy of Bush winning the popular vote and losing the electoral college is not going happen. The worst case scenario for a Bush victory will be a 2-3 point win in the popular vote and 10-20% more than the necessary 270 EC votes.
October 25, 2004
Finally...
The Kerry campaign is putting a little money in Virginia. The Washington Post has the story.
They're donating $50,000, which is absolutely nothing, but that's all I really wanted them to do. Why? Because it's enough to generate this Washington Post article, and the article lets people know the race is close, pumps up the morale of volunteers, and maybe even brings in some last-minute donations and volunteers. That's a lot for $50,000.
If you want to do something, there are lots of publicity events you can participate in that will take an hour or less of your time. Let me know if you want to do something.
They're donating $50,000, which is absolutely nothing, but that's all I really wanted them to do. Why? Because it's enough to generate this Washington Post article, and the article lets people know the race is close, pumps up the morale of volunteers, and maybe even brings in some last-minute donations and volunteers. That's a lot for $50,000.
If you want to do something, there are lots of publicity events you can participate in that will take an hour or less of your time. Let me know if you want to do something.
October 24, 2004
From an E-vite My Sister Sent Me:
Michele and her boyfriend Evan are having an election day party. The theme: Forty Ounces To Freedom. They're providing all the guests with a 40, making fake labels for the bottles, and will drown out whatever chants of "Four More Years" from their neighbors with "Fo Mo Forties!"
I know some of you are having get-togethers on election night. And you don't have 40s. What's stopping you? Turn the TV onto FOX News and take a swig every time Brit Hume looks like he is about to cry.
GRQ Update
I spent several minutes searching the Internet today for easy ways to make money, and found nothing. Would a more exhaustive search turn up something? Perhaps. But I'm not looking for a "Get Rich By Spending Hours Hunting for Information Buried on the Web" scheme. I want by riches quick, the way I deserve my riches.
In fact, as far as I can tell, the only way to get rich quick is through online gambling. So that's where I'll start for the first few weeks.
I like online gambling because it's fun, easy, and requires little knowledge. All you need is luck, and as a professional dog walker living with two roommates and scraping to get by every month, I have plenty of it.
I started off my professional gambling career with a few small bets on the first World Series game and a bet on the
I bet $10 that the Red Sox would score the first three runs (they did) and $2 on an 8:1 bet that they would win by exactly 4 runs (they didn't). I also bet $10 that
My goal is to win $100-$200 a month betting on sports I barely watch and know little about. Again, my aim is not merely just to make money. It is to make money with the absolute minimum of effort, skill, and knowledge. When I do something, I do it right. And by right, I mean doing everything wrong.
October 23, 2004
Quick Quiz
Real headlines or fake:
Cheney Says U.S. More Likely To Be Attacked If Kerry Is Elected
Cheney Says Soviets Might Be Around if Kerry Had Led
Cheney Says We'd All Be Eating Bratwurst and Backerbsen If Kerry Had Been President
Cheney Says....
Make your own!
Cheney Says U.S. More Likely To Be Attacked If Kerry Is Elected
Cheney Says Soviets Might Be Around if Kerry Had Led
Cheney Says We'd All Be Eating Bratwurst and Backerbsen If Kerry Had Been President
Cheney Says....
Make your own!
Best Ad in the Campaign?
If you are worried about the future of our country, and you are able to give $5 or $10 without it being a hardship, I can think of no better use for the money than to get this ad on the air. (I gave $10).
Get Quick Rich Schemes
Get Quick Rich schemes are an evil combination of greed and laziness. In spite of my exemplary laziness, I've stayed away from them not because of the likely possibility I'll lose much more money than I started with, but because I'm content with driving a dented car, wearing faded slacks, and a TV that doesn't get clear reception of Channel 4 when there is too much electromagnetic interference around, such as people wearing socks.
But the austere lifestyle has slowly shifted from frugal to restrictive, and I'd like to go into a restaurant and not worry about ordering a Coke over a water because of the extra $1.59. Scratch that. I'm fine with water. I'd just like to be able to eat at a restaurant without thinking: "I just spent my share of the cable bill."
The solution is obvious for any enterprising individual: either get a second job, hunt for freelance work, or find a full-time job that pays better than dog walking.
Then there's my solution: Get Rich Quick schemes.
Online betting. Ponzi schemes. Ebay selling. I'm going to try it all.
My gut tells me this is one of the worst ideas in my life. My brain is telling me that too, and I'm sure my family and my friends, all reasonable people, will concur.
But hey. It's my right to live my life as stupidly as possible. And, considering my incredible laziness, there really is no other option. If you think I'm going to spend 15 minutes on a job application when I can spend 30 minutes browsing the web for free offers, you're crazy.
Plus, if I fail, it will at least be entertaining to read about.
But the austere lifestyle has slowly shifted from frugal to restrictive, and I'd like to go into a restaurant and not worry about ordering a Coke over a water because of the extra $1.59. Scratch that. I'm fine with water. I'd just like to be able to eat at a restaurant without thinking: "I just spent my share of the cable bill."
The solution is obvious for any enterprising individual: either get a second job, hunt for freelance work, or find a full-time job that pays better than dog walking.
Then there's my solution: Get Rich Quick schemes.
Online betting. Ponzi schemes. Ebay selling. I'm going to try it all.
My gut tells me this is one of the worst ideas in my life. My brain is telling me that too, and I'm sure my family and my friends, all reasonable people, will concur.
But hey. It's my right to live my life as stupidly as possible. And, considering my incredible laziness, there really is no other option. If you think I'm going to spend 15 minutes on a job application when I can spend 30 minutes browsing the web for free offers, you're crazy.
Plus, if I fail, it will at least be entertaining to read about.
Local Man Definitely Moving To Canada This Time If Bush Wins
"I'm outta here, man" said Jones. "If the dude is still in the White House on Nov. 3rd, start looking for a new roommate."
Jones, who previously said he would move to
"I'm fucking serious this time," said Jones. "I called my friend in
In spite of Jones' enthusiasm, some of his roommates remain skeptical about Jones' plans.
"He's always saying he's going to leave for
If Jones has heard any of this criticism, he has not let it sway him. During a commercial break for Half-Baked on Comedy Central, Jones visited the Greyhound website, bookmarked the site, and made a note to check the price on a one-way fare once the movie was over.
October 22, 2004
Betting
Does anyone know a web site that is taking win/lose bets on the election? Essentially, I'm looking for a bookie. Most of the web sites I've seen sell futures, which I have next to no understanding of and thus don't want to get involved with. I'm ready to put $500 on Kerry, and I'd put more if I knew Osama wasn't stuck in a freezer in the White House kitchen.
Crime of the Month is More Like It
Several weeks ago, I've unearthed a scandal in the pet sitting company I work for. I called the Metro section of The Washington Post and, after being bounced around to a few people, spoke with Mike Allen, an investigative reporter who was in the middle of a story on
The article will appear tomorrow, either on the front page or printed in the speech balloons of the next two weeks of
Every month, the company owner sends a email to all the employees and asks them to nominate a dog for Dog of the Month. The dog with the most votes wins and gets his or her picture posted on the company's web site.
Or, I should say, in a real democracy the dog with the most votes would win. In the sick world of Pooch Pals, Inc. whatever dog curries the Emperor's favor gets appointed.
The process is a complete sham. The decision makers are not the people but an oligarchy consisting of the owner and her family members that make up the desk staff.
Take this month's dog, Scout, for example. To the average person visiting the web site, Scout is an adorable white-haired terrier with wide eyes and an inquisitive look. He is four years old, playful, and likes to chew on old socks.
What that person doesn't know is that the owners paid off the judges and Scout is on 'roids. He has four first-place ribbons and a third-place ribbon from dog shows in the past six months, all while doped up on poppers and running high on psychacetlatimine and hormone boosters. The dog pees green and puts a dent in the ground when he poops.
Once the article comes out, I am sure my termination will be swift. My employment prospects are unknown, but that's secondary. When a great injustice has been committed, there is only one course of action: to speak out.
And to kidnap the dog and hide him in a detox program. Our prayers are with you, Scout!
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