Rumsfeld: Fallujah Civilians Were Warned

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In a Fallujah home (translated from Arabic):

[ring ring]

Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Hello?"
Rumsfeld: "Hello. Is there a Mr. or Ms. al-Alquaa in?"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Who is this?"
Rumsfeld: "This is Donald. Are you Ms. al-Alquaa?"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Yes."
Rumsfeld: "Hello ma'am. Please excuse my Arabic. I've been out of practice since the 80s."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "What do you want?"
Rumsfeld: "I'm just calling to warn you that the U.S.-lead coalition is going to invade the city tomorrow. Things could get kind of rough out there, so you may want to stay inside for the next few weeks."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "The whole time? How am I supposed to buy food? How is my husband supposed to go to work? What are my kids going to do?"
Rumsfeld: "I know it will be very trying, but you'll just have to bear through it and…and…excuse me." [Rumsfeld coughs several times and clears his throat]
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Are you alright?"
Rumsfeld: "I'm fine. My voice is just getting sore. I've been talking for a few days straight now."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Wait a minute. Are you calling every single one of the 250,000 residents in Fallujah?"
Rumsfeld: "Oh, no. Of course not. Gen. Tommy Franks is doing L-Z."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "…But most of our names start with 'al'."
Rumsfeld: "I know that now. Tommy can be very good at getting out of work when he wants to."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Well, I appreciate you going out of your way to warn us. I'll see if my family wants to stick it out or move in with our relatives."
Rumsfeld: "Where are your relatives?"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Tikrit."
Rumsfeld: "Do you have any relatives in other places?"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "I have a few cousins in Baghdad."
Rumsfeld: "Uh, yeah. The thing about Baghdad is--"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Okay. Najaf?"
Rumsfeld: "That wouldn't be a good idea."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Samarra?"
Rumsfeld: "Nope."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Kut?"
Rumsfeld: "Sorry."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Sadr City?"
Rumsfeld: "Are you kidding?"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Ramadi?"
Rumsfeld: "No…wait. What was that last one?"
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Ramadi?"
Rumsfeld: "Oh, god no. Especially not Ramadi."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "Hock ba-sarat! That's all the Iraqi relatives I have. My only other option is to sneak into Iran and have my family stay with my husband's half brother."
Rumsfeld: "Look, this is on the hush hush, but you do NOT want to move into Iran right now. Especially if you're still going to be there in January."
Sadhri al-Alquaa: "I guess we have no choice then. We'll stay here."
Rumsfeld: "Okay. But don't say I didn't warn you."