My Family, the Comedy Writers

I could make this blog a lot funnier with much less work if I would just post my family's email exchanges.

My sister Michele got two cats over the weekend. She asked us to suggest names.

My other sister, Tina, influenced by the Borg system of nomenclature, suggested calling them Cat 1 and Cat 2.

"Tina, those are dumb names," I said.

Tina: "Do you remember when Michele had a bird? She called it Birdie. These are good names for her."

Cat 1 and Cat 2 didn't fly with the rest of the family, so the cats kept their place holder names, black kitty and little grey kitty.

Michele took an instant liking to black kitty. The cat is very playful and energetic. She runs back and forth across the floor, jumps on the keyboard, approaches Michele and her boyfriend Evan, and tries to follow the grey cat around wherever she goes.

The grey cat is very shy. She hides under the couch and darts away whenever someone approached. And during the first few days, she wasn't eating any food.

This brings us to yesterday when Michele sent this email:

(Michele) "Everyone: the little grey kitty is in the hospital overnight. We should get her back tomorrow, unless something expensive is wrong and then let's just pretend there never was a grey kitty."

I laughed. I asked Michele if I could put it on the blog.

(Tina) "Oh, I see. the only way to get written on pancake city is to talk about little cats dying. I see how it is. Michele, can't we add on some new charges* for this."

(Jason) "Tina, you finally figured it out. Hey, I'm pet sitting some cats over the weekend. Any advice?"

(Mom) "My advice is to do a pet switch with Michele's grey cat."

And that's my family. Grey kitty had a respiratory infection and will probably be fine. If you want to suggest names for my sister's cats, one of which she likes a lot better than the other, go ahead. My suggestion is Danny and Arnold, in honor of "Twins," but the cats are both female and a male name for a female cat is almost as crazy as a man getting pregnant.


*"New charges" is a reference to some still-unknown crime I committed a few emails back when I made a harmless joke about the wording of an email my Mom wrote. My Mom responded: " I refer this matter to my lawyer, Michele, and my special assistant, Tina. Take care of this guy."

Yes, that's right. My family thinks they are part of the mob.